stop a divorce?

Question

I was served divorce papers from hubby earlier this week. The weird thing is hubby and I talked and we were going to put our life back together and eventually have our life the way it was. I got my MIL and FIL to go to the house and get more of my clothes. I went to speak with hubby I told him that I wasn't preggers bc the DR had done blood work. We did more talking and he said he loved me and would think on the things we discussed. My mom went to visit the girls today and when she got back she told me that he and her talked and he's gonna want to see the divorce to the end. To set up the story we had brung a 3rd party into the bedroom to llive out a fantasy. But bc the condom broke we all thought I was preggers so my hubby filed for divorce. I have called everything off with the other person. I'm not the type of gal that believes in divorce. I don't want the divorce and want to know of ways to save the marriage. One reason is bc of the kids we have together.....

Answer 1

Hi there !!!

Wow what a life experience girl !!!! I will not judge you, but what were you guys thinking? Why would he want to divorce you if he was in on this fantasy game ?
You should learn from this though, honey marriage is all about commitment and fidelity, yes I know it was a fantasy, but if you do not respect yourself, and he does not respect you, then your relationship will not last.
You say you spoke to him and things were going to be fine, why this sudden change of heart?
How long have you been married? how old are your kids?
I would not stay with someone just for the childrens sake alone, no way, that is cruel to them, they are very smart and they can sense when things are not going well.
I would have another heartfelt conversation with the husband, and ask him why is this happening?
You should take a good look at your life now though,
why would you allow yourself to go through an experience like that ?
Don't you respect your body, your soul ?
Honey these fantasies we have are sometimes very dangerous.
You guys could maybe try other things that do not involve third parties., that causes to many problems, not to mention it is morally incorrect.
I am no one to judge, I know each person has their own likes and dislike, it is just that you would not be in this situation if you and your hubby did not partake in that fantasy, you should let him know that you did not do that alone, he was involved as well.

May you find a solution to this life experience

love light and peace

Answer 2

You can't stop a divorce, its like trying to stop a freight train.
What you can do is try to do is slow it down and maybe, just maybe it'll stop.
Have you been to marriage counseling? If both of you, BOTH, want to try and work through this then a professional can definetly help you.
You problems have probably been creeping up on you for awhile..especially since you felt the need to bring in a 3rd party to spice things up. I'll just say it will take a long time to work this out if your both committed to going through with it.
Just seek some good counselling, either through your church or look in the phone book or online for some more options.

Answer 3

That was your first and biggest mistake...to let a 3rd person into the bedroom. Was it your idea or his? From what I gather, he thinks that the baby is this other persons. You need to get a paternity test when the child is born.

You can't force someone to stay with you and NEVER stay together because of the kids. It's not fair to them. He is really confused and hurt. Even if the divorce goes through, doesn't mean that you can't work things out in the future when things clam down.

However, I was wondering about your morals....you say that you don't believe in divorce, but you engaged in adultery...even if he approved of it at first, it's still adultery.

Answer 4

Ugh. I'm sorry to hear about this. From what you've written, it sounds like he's having a hard time dealing with the third-person in the bedroom thing. I think the breaking condom served as a sort of reality check for him, and the thought of you being pregnant with another man's child really got to him. Whose idea was the third party? Because, if the info you included is the impetus for the divorce papers, you'd really better try to talk to him yourself, instead of your MIL, FIL, and mother serving as go-betweens. I don't mean that rudely, but you'd really be serving the marriage best if you could talk to him yourself.

Hopefully, he'll be able to talk a bit about why he's doing what he's doing. And if he presents his position, you present yours, and you both still cannot come to a compromise or some shared ground to try to save the marriage, then I suppose it will have happen. And the kids will adjust, and you'll adjust, and it will be ok.

Answer 5

You’re not the type that believes in divorce but you are the type that believes in threesomes? Maybe so.

If he’s determined to get a divorce you can’t stop it. Generally speaking, when a couple brings a 3rd party into the bedroom, it does affect the relationship, and sometimes destroys it, because MOST people cannot handle it (even if they thought they could). Next time you might want to think twice about living out that fantasy.

Answer 6

Sounds a bit too complex for this forum, but I'll try. From what I can infer, the sexual experiment went awry and now hubby is hurt, zooming a break-up into fast forward because of some kind of need he has to have a reason to run, when really he's probably just scared, emotionally so scared that he cannot deal with you. Your only hope is to get him to talk about how emotionally wrong it was for you two to embark on that sexual fantasy without fully preparing yourselves emotionally. Now, if your marriage was a mess, and the sex experiment was a last ditch effort to save it, then just get the divorce.

Answer 7

Tough question. Best advice I can give is wait until things cool down a little. Most divorces have a cooling off period of approximately 90 days before they proceed. Use that time to try and heal all ills. He is proably pretty mad right now and things are still fresh in his head. Best thing you can do is reassure him that he is the one you want to be with. Don't let the prospect of divorce scare you it is usually reverseable right up until the very end. Just a side-it was his fantasy too (the whole 3rd party thing). He shouldn't be so mad. Keep working on him in little doses,it will all work out. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Whoa. First problem: bringing someone else into the relationship to fulfill a "fantasy". Not so good. I will say this: he was part of that decision.That being the case, why the hell are YOU the one out of the house? Why does he suddenly get to be the bloody magical end all to the decision???

Communication was obviously missing from the beginning. I'm assuming that you're Brit and I know very little about an MIL or an FIL, but I will say that in the US we have laws keeping men from treating women like used up shite.

If you two cannot talk out your differences in counseling of some sort, you might want to consider taking him to the cleaners. Lie if you have to and tell the judge he forced you to take part in something you didn't want to sexually. Life's a b*tch and right now I would love to kick his a*s.

Answer 9

Well, if you didn't want a divorce then you should have thought out the threesome thing before. Sounds like you need to be single and figure out what being a grown up is really all about before entering into any more relationships. It wouldn't hurt to get counseling either.

Answer 10

Your "man" Johnny Depp was married for 3 years but divorced and has had 4 or 5 other partners, he is living with Vanessa Paradis who recorded a song called Joe Le Taxi about 20 or so years ago. They have been living together since I believe 1998 but not married, so he is no different from anyone else. If you dont want to get married you dont have to list a whole host of reasons why, its not everyones cup of tea so just live by your own code. There will be plenty of men who will be willing to live with you or anyone else that is not going to moan about getting hitched so you will have no shortage of partners. For me marriage is the ultimate and you dont go into it thinking you will divorce, I was married once before but it never worked out and we tried for 12 years since we had a little girl. We parted as friends and have both since remarried, he is happy and his wife is lovely and a good friend, she is a great step mum and we have no problems at all. My husband is my world, he is the one I should have been with but I had to go through whatever happened before in order to meet him. We are together for life, its called love. I am sorry about your childhood experience but perhaps you should talk to someone about how its affecting you in your adult life. Best of luck.