My SIL confided in me about something, and afterwards, I began to feel that I could not keep this secret.?

Question

I felt wrong about keeping something like this from my husband, so I approached my SIL to express to her how I was feeling and to tell her that I no longer felt comfortable keeping it from him. I told her I felt she needed to find a way to tell him asap, or I would. As you could imagine, she is very upset with me and refuses to even discuss what happened, and it has been nearly 3 months. While I knew she would be upset, I thought that she would at least attempt to understand how I felt, and that we could sit down and talk about it, as we have all other problems we have had over the past few years. I understand that she feels she can no longer trust me, etc....but I wonder if she plans to ignore me forever? While I am mature enough to realize perhaps I should have handled it in a different way, I still feel I was right in telling her that I was not comfortable keeping such a secret from my husband. I have heard all the criticism! What I need is some advice on how to resolve this!

Answer 1

First of all you handled it very maturely - approaching her first instead of just spilling your guts to your husband. You have done nothing wrong here. You obligation is to your husband - not your inlaws! I understand that we ALL want a good relationship with our husband's family but you need to do the right thing, even if it conflicts with your relationship with your SIL.

Answer 2

Without knowing what the secret information was it is rather hard to make useful suggestions, since some secrets even when shared do not become yours to divulge if you choose to. Some of course can be thought to be too much to be expected to conceal.
On the assumption that, despite what you said to your sister-in-law, you have not revealed the secret yet - perhaps you could tell her that, and let her know how difficult the situation is for you , and, perhaps, just why you feel that your husband should be told. It might also be appropriate to ask why the sister-in-law thought it right that you should know, but not your husband.
Secrets do seem to bring out the worst in people, don't they? So often both the keeping and the telling are done for the meanest reasons.

Answer 3

What you did was the right thing. It is always better to be honest than lie. If you told your husband and did not talk this over with your SIL, you would always be questioning yourself, feeling guilty for not confiding in her and always wondering if crap hit the fan, was it "because of me?" Maybe your SIL's guilt is fueling her anger. If I were you, no matter how difficult, say you are sorry and when it comes up again, walk away. Ultimately in time, things will change. I can tell you from experience.

Answer 4

You were honest and told her how you really felt. What she does with that is entirely up to her. She can either accept it or let it become an issuse. Still acknowledge her and make it a point to speak to her. If she continues to ignore you, that's on her not you. At least you tried.

Answer 5

IF you allow someone to tell you something in confidence (secret) you should stick to your word. From now on don't promise to keep a secret you have no intentions of keeping. She has every right to be upset because you promised to keep it a secret which prompted her to tell you....basically you're not trustwrothy.

Answer 6

It sounds like Jess is somewhat too preoccupied with the Anti-Christ. How approximately getting some meds on your OCD difficulty, Jess? perhaps the blend of meds and admitting that denial isn't a river in Egypt will circulate you closer to the Christ. he's there, waiting for you, on the bus, in the corner on the espresso save... and he's fairly keen to circulate mano-a-mano with the Horned One under the Earth for you and all atheists. he will vanquish the Anti-Christ for you, you only ought to ask HIM. GOD bless you- Captain artwork Griego

Answer 7

tell her that you tel your hsuband everything PERIOD and next time dont come to you with secrets, your not a gossip group...