I think my g/f may have gotten pregnant on purpose and im looking for some advice on how to ask her about it?

Question

my g/f and i have been dating for about 4 and a half yrs, she's 29, im 22 and a half. About 2 weeks ago she informed me that she was preg and will be keeping the baby. she was on the pill the whole time we were dating (allegedly) so i never used a condom or any other type of birth control. i have a few reasons why i think she got preg on purpose the main one being that i ran into a friend of hers yesterday who congratulated me and said she was happy for us b/c "she knew how much my g/f wanted a baby" which was news to me! i just graduated from college and have a good job now and my g/f has been out of college for 7 yrs so financially this isnt a problem, i just am in no way ready to be a dad b/c of the huge change that bringing a child into the world will have on someone's life. just a few month ago she and i were talking about how neither one of us is ready for marriage yet so that isnt an option. on top of this, my mom is gonna kill me! any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx.

Answer 1

I think you answered your own question.

Answer 2

Wow. I think you have a good reason to be suspicious. Being 29 and unmarried, your girlfriend probably felt that she did not want to take the risk of waiting to long and then being unable to have children. That beings said, this may have just been an accident. I have 2 friends that got pregnant on the pill. However it happened, there is no changing it now. I think the WORST thing you can do at this point is ask her if she has done this on purpose. Whether she did do it on purpose or not, she will only get defensive, angry, and deny the accusation so you still won't feel like you really know if she did or didn't. Instead, concentrate on what to do about this new reality. Have a talk with her and tell her that you are scared and feel unprepared to be a father right now. Explain to her how vulnerable it feels to have no say in the matter of whether to keep the child or not. Tell her that you love her and will be there for her in her decision to keep the baby and that you hope that someday the three of you can become a family when you feel ready to take on that responsibility.

Then, be loving and supportive through the pregnancy. Visit her and the baby often, but do not move in until you feel ready to make the commitment to be a responsible father and husband. Learn a lesson from this and always protect yourself in the future. Use a condom or some other method to insure this does not happen again.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

First of all ask your girlfriend, why didn't you tell me you wanted a baby?..since you talked about marriage being out of the question you should ask her what held her back from telling you about wanting children. She may not have planned on having a kid either. Birth control is only 98% effective if it is taken on a regular schedule, at the same time everyday and not missing any dosese. You probably should have used a condom but its too late for that now. As for not wanting to take care of/or have the child it's too late. Just tell her that you would have preferred to have planned childhood and that your family doesn't want a child out of wed-lock. I know in America it's the woman's choice if she wants to keep the baby so this means you have no say. This is a problem for your relationship. You also have to remember that she is 7 years older than you she probably desperately feels the need to be married/starting a family(even though she told you she didn't want to be married) she's just in that phase of her life, while your on the younger end of the 20's where you'd like to socialize and focus primarily as us(you and her) and not the idea of raising a family. Try to form some kind of consensus so you can successfully bring a baby into the world in a nuturing and loving enviornment. And for your mom, tell her as soon as possible so she doesn't hear from someone else. She'll understand and be there for you no matter what. She may disapprove in the beginning but chances are "grandma" will set in and she'll be excited.

Answer 4

Ask her, but be kind. Ask her how she feels about the baby and if she's been thinking about it for awhile.

If I were you I wouldn't necessarily take that friends word as gospel. It may have been a misunderstanding from some long ago conversation about wanting to have kids "someday" or maybe your g/f ran into her recently and didn't want to admit that the pregnancy was unplanned or maybe the friend just didn't know what else to say when congratulating you on the unplanned pregnancy and felt obligated to say something positive? Don't go crazy over an off the wall, random comment.

BTW, if you're ready to have sex, you better be ready to be a Dad. There is never any guarantee against pregnancy if you are having sex. It IS a choice you made. It wasn't all her. Both parties having sex need to be responsible for protection against pregnancy and STD's.

Answer 5

u can get pregnant on the pill....point blank period. its not 100%. she didnt have to trap u, u trapped urself. and at 29 shes a big girl im pretty sure u could turn tail and run and she would be A ok. not that u should but its possible maybe she wanted a baby. i dont think u are being "trapped" if anything, u are just a sperm donor. Why do u think she trapped u because she told her OWN friend she was pregnant or has thought about kids? Ur not a teen, ur a big boy with a college degree. Most importantly you are 2 adults about to bring a child into the world. so MAN UP. at 29 i doubt she has to TRAP anyone. if u are that suspicious ask her if shes scared or if she feels like she is ready. she is too old to be playin games why would u have unprotected sex with someone who u think would do that to u anyway? REGARDLESS it really dont matter under what circumstance the baby was concieved, its there now. u got bigger fish to fry.

Answer 6

You can't let only one person in a relationship be responsible for using birth control. Both parties will be the parent so both parties should practice birth control. Change that practice ASAP ! It's possible that she is NOT pregnant and if she thinks she is she will stop taking the pill altogether. Use Condoms or she will become pregnant even is she's not now.
Lots of men have become fathers because their girlfriend forgot to (or stopped on purpose) take her pill. It won't matter to the baby how he/she got here and, it's best for you and your son/daughter if you don't dwell on it either. If she did indeed tricked you into being a father on purpose against your wishes, you should be alot more worried about dealing with her the rest of your life..than worried about the baby. Don't EVEN get married and don't worry about what your parents will say, they will come around eventually. Just listen to what they have to say. Good Luck everything will turn out ok. It always does.

Answer 7

I dont know how good my advice will be, but what I can tell you now, is if she is infact pregnant....

Deal with it! Its now the time to become ready to be a dad. Its hard work, but you will love him/her.

You should try to be a good boyfriend and show your love and support for her.
YOu have been with her for long enough and that was the risk you took when you dated someone so much older that you.

All that aside, change your view and look forward to it...
Your mom, may not like the idea, but its no longer her concern. How can she kill you, you are an adult now and you have been one for 4 years.
Who cares what she thinks???

She will change her toon when baby comes to.

You will find a way to make it all work out.
The worst thing you can do is question her motive as to whether or not she did it on purpose. Maybe she did, maybe she didnt.

Thats not the point now, the point is to forgive and concentrate on your girlfriend and your baby, and make it a great life experience. Dont go into it angry or resentful.
If you were with her for so long you obviously love her, or so you think you do... so continue that love and support, and good things will come.

Be enthusiastic, grateful, and loving...
You cant go wrong.
Hardwork??? Oh yes, but you wil love it.

Answer 8

She's prolly as scared as you are mate.

I don't think blame is important at this point. If she did get pregnant on purpose 1) You're still the father 2) Would you leave her and the baby because of this?

You're the father and that's a relationship for the rest of your life so regardless of the outcome of this between you and your partner be there for your child!

Welcome to the world of being a dad. It's hard the first few months but the rewards happen every day.

If you're a college graduate what do you care how your mom is going to take it!!!! Talk this out with your partner and deal with it. It takes two to tango.

Answer 9

Well I would just ask. I might add that after my husband and I were married. I was on the pill had been for 5 years and I got pregnant with our son. Neither of us thought we were ready either.( I was 20 and he was 29) I would suggest going to a doc's apt with her and hearing your baby's heart beet. None the less you are faced with being a father. Your life is not over now it's going to a little different then what you had planed.

Answer 10

No you're not ready for marriage,just you saying that your mom is going to kill you says it all.You and your girlfriend have to sit down and discuss what has to be done about the situation.That was very sneaky of her lying to you about not taking the pill.Then running into her friend and finding out that she trapped you by getting pregnant,that was the icing on the cake.Since it was her idea to get pregnant without letting you know,you're not obligated to marry her.But you do have to support your child.I don't know if you wish to remain with her after this, there's going to be a trust issue now with her lying to you.You are a grown man and now with a baby on the way you're going to have to take full responsibility and be a father to your child.Your mother really doesn't have any say so don't sound so afraid.Good Luck.

Answer 11

I would like to say First, your mom will not kill you. She will be mad at you if she thinks it's not appropirate at this time to be a dad. However, gradmas love their grandchildren. Try to explain your situation (if your situation is keeping the baby). She may not accept it at first, but eventually she will. You must explain to her in calm and respect action. Not with anger.
Ask your gf if she really wants keep the baby. Express your feeling and let her know what you think of having a baby and how you think about this. There are disadventage and adventages. Try to explain how you forsee your future with the baby and without the baby. I am not recommonding your gf to have abortion but it's her choice if she listens to you. I really think you should keep the baby. You will love the baby eventually and you will be used to with your situation although it will be a huge change for you. Like i always tell my husband that "if you do not know how to swim, jump in the water and you will know how to swim eventually." "nobody gets used to with the certain situation when she/he was born, but eventually he/she get used to with it."
One of my friend's quote from AOL 8 yrs ago "life is ***** and one day you will marry it." meaning that life is full of sadness, happiness, worries, and all these emotions and one day you will get used to it.
As you think there isn't a problem financiallythen you have to be a good lawyer for yourself. You have to be in the court(home) explain to your juries (mom and family members) what you think of the case, why this person (you) is not guilty and what they should think morally for the baby. On the other hand, you should discuss with your gf for you and your gf and the baby's future if you are welcoming the baby.
Good Luck.