2 kids with a married man?

Question

Some advise would be nice, I know the saying what goes around comes around. I've been involved with him for 5 yrs, have 2 kids by him, my first love. How can he be this great dad to his 3kids with her, and not be involved with mine. And yet I allow him to come over when he wants to see me, he does pay attention to them when they're around him, but makes no effort to even getting to know them. Says he loves me, but can't make the decision to leave because of his kids. What do you make out of this whole situation.

Look you jerks, I'm woman enough to admit that I made mistakes. You live and learn, and don't feel sorry for my kids. I'm both their mother and father, and doing a damn good job at it.

Answer 1

I would have to say that the conclusion I reach will not sit well with you.
1. He does not love them.
2. He will not leave her, why should he?
3. He does not love you.
4. You are a disgrace and should be sterilized.

Answer 2

What I see here is a guy that is continuing using you to possibly avoid paying support if he doesnt already. If his wife doesnt know about you and the kids and hes lying to her then this is exactly why as child support will destroy both families for him. Hes certainly trying to satisfy all parties involved. Hes definitely good at letting you hear what he thinks you do. Whether he wanted kids from both of you is really irrelevant since the kids are real and hes trying to make the best of the situation but hes in over his head and really struggling to tread water. Its just a matter of time before he drowns here and theres no telling whats going to happen. Develop a planB for when this does and be prepared to go it alone. Its not going to be easy and to find another significant other is going to be even harder with kids. I really think you already know its time to move on as this will not go anywhere so start planning for your future with the kids. There are womans help groups out there that will help you if you want it. I wish you all the best for you and the kids.

Answer 3

Since he is presently with her and his 3kids, he puts them
on his priority in life as being first: Even though he has
2 by you he figures all he has to do is come see them
every once and awhile and that will be okay: You and
your kids deserve better than that. First you need to make
sure your kids get the financial help they deserve from
their dad, so set up an account to where that is done and
if he does not do it voluntarily, then they have courts that
will make him: Second your relationship with him should
be distant but the kids should be as close with him as you
will allow; remember he has a woman and 3kids of his
own that he is with and you and urs are secondary:He
says he loves you but his actions should speak for itself
and if it does then you need to do what is best for you
and your children: Yes you are a father and mother figure
for them so continue being that and be strong, just with
the dad make him take care of his responsibilites that he
needs to do reference his children he had with you and
you will be better off without direct contact often with him
The whole situation is tough but be strong for your kids
and you as the mother will always have their love and that
is important for you especially now. Good luck.

Answer 4

He's having his cake and eating it, too.
You're being used, you have two kids to take care of alone. He's a happy family man who spends time with his wife and children, who supports his wife and children, who goes to parent-teacher conferences with his wife and children, and takes his family to the movies.
You should take him to court for child support, and don't let him back into your bed. You are worth more than just a free ride. And that's all that you are to him.





Hey now. I just came back to check on postings and read what you added on. You are calling the answerers jerks, but you asked the question "what do you make out of this whole situation". Did you think that you would be applauded? I understand that your judgement is clouded because of this man, and I hope that reading a few harsh posts will snap you back into reality where your children are located.

Answer 5

Okay, yah...we know the obvious things that you screwed up here, was well aware of the situation, all that jazz...so I am not going to talk about something that you know.
This is what I am going to say. It sounds like he doesn't see your kids as family. His wife and kids are his family, you and yours aren't. So, he just separates it in his head.
It is your decision now. Do you deserve more? Yes. Do you want more? That's up to you. What about what he deserves? I think you got that covered, as he has the best of both worlds. So, you've considered him, but have you considered your kids? What do they deserve? If you think about it like that, you may be able to figure out how to move forward with this.
Also, are you waiting for him to leave his wife? Wait forever, and your kids get nothing. Your kids are first, and having their daddy around but them not getting anything from him emotionally...well...that's certainly not healthy. Don't forget...you aren't his wife, the other lady is.

Answer 6

You are being foolish to let him use you like this.
This guy had better have a lot of cash with 5 kids to support.
Dump this loser and get some child support in place before his current wife does and gets the lions share.

What were you thinking having kids with an already married man?

Answer 7

You obviously lack a moral system and feel the need to ask strangers about your screwed up life. You are lower than a prostitute, you're doing it for free and brought 2 innocent children into your crap. Too bad your kids will spend the rest of their lives paying for your mistakes.

Answer 8

You're the "spare tire." The man has been using you all these years. The kids are no novelty for him. Don't even think they're enough reason for him to stay with you. He's got three others with the wife. What else are you there for except to provide variety?

It's time to re-examine your priorities and also to take care of yourself. Just make sure he takes financial responsibility, though, for his kids. For your sake and your kids, you need to be Numero Uno, not "substitutes for whenever."

Answer 9

You are a doormat and he is using you as such. He doesn't love you, his wife or any of his children. He loves only himself. You are fooling yourself if you think you can change him. Sue for child support and find someone who will love YOU.

I'm sorry, but I agree that your children are to be pitied. You have robbed them of a real family. Nobody can be both mother and father. That's just something you say to make YOU feel better. Instead, think about what you and their father are teaching them...that it's okay to just use a woman...to ignore your children...to sneak around and betray other people...to lie. Children learn what they see.

Answer 10

I am SPEECHLESS that any woman in her right mind could allow herself to be used like this. You must have WELCOME tattooed across your chest to be such a doormat.

If you want to reclaim what's left of your life:

First, drag this two-timing bastard into court and get some child support payments.

Second, STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM, because a) you're committing adultery, and b) because obviously birth control is not your strong suit.

Third, get yourself into therapy. Perhaps with a therapist's help, you'll be able to grow a spine, get rid of this two-timing loser, set a good example for your children, and get into a real relationship with a good man who isn't adulterous and neglectful, and might actually care about you and your children.

If you stay with this fellow, you're letting yourself be played for a fool.