Does anybdy have a partner who treats his or her friends better than you?

Question

I have been married for 7 months,together for 2 years and my husband and I have just moved to his hometown.I have no family just friends threw him,he hasnt been home in a while and I totally understand he wants to catch up with his old pals but ever since weve moved here hes changed to the point where he wants to go out every night like a teenager and be out with his friends or if i go with him he;s got to be the center of attention, very outgoing ,treats his friends like if they were gold yet when hes at home with me he totally ignores me and doesnt speak a word.Its like hes bored being at home.We have a 10 month old baby girl and its like hes not even interested in her anymore,and when I confront him about it,he gets overly deffensive,yells at me and gets verbally abusive when i dont even raise my voice to him.Im getting sick of this' he never was this way until we moved here, I dont know what to do?

Answer 1

I would never put up with that.

Answer 2

I would go home for a week or so, without him.
It will give you time to think, and talk to the people you know and trust.
It will also give him chance to think about you, and he will miss you.
He is defensive because he knows he is doing wrong, but he doesn't want to stop.
he may not want to spend time with the baby because its not as interesting as his friends. if there is any mother and baby groups you can join, then he will feel left out and want to get involved more.
some guys don't respond very well to marriage. don't give up, maybe some counseling will help with all this stuff.

Answer 3

I am curious about how old the two of you are. That is key when it comes to HIM. As women, we have been fine tuned to grow up because we carried the babies that changed OUR lives inside of us, and yes, a part of him. I have found myself in a similar situation. I have made terrible mistakes because of this. My husband and I have 2 children, ages 9 and 4. Since the youngest one was born, I have had 4 miscarriages. (many specialist trips, testing, drugs, etc) to get pregnant to give my husband yet another child to leave me home alone with. I moved far away from my family and friends to be with him and when we lived near my family he was always home. We did things together all the time. Family things, just once in awhile we or he would see friends. When we moved to his hometown, our time together dwindled, and for years I begged him to just spend some time with us. Trust me, unless you want to be a "single mother" of 2 or more, do not have more children to keep him at home. I would lay it all on the line for him one more time--he is the one who will say if only I had done things differently. For your daughter, well, it is sad for a daddy to miss so much of her life, he is very important in her developing emotionally. You have to make a decision--either you can change things about yourself to keep you and your daughter happy and hopefully he will see what he is missing out on and join you in adulthood/parenthood, or you can leave. If you decide to stay, you absolutely have to get involved in your own thing. Playgroups, library story time, church activities, etc. DO NOT EVER COUNT ON HIM FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. Only you can make yourself happy, you cannot change him. With any luck, time--maturity--will make him have a conscience. They do not like it when you have a life, he wants you home to care for baby, that way he knows where you are. Life doesnt end when you have children, it begins. It sounds like you know in your heart what matters, take care of that little girl and yourself, he will be the one living with regret because you cannot turn back the hands of time. Good Luck

Answer 4

I have been going thru a horrible divorce for 13 mos, with a guy you have pretty much discribed, give him the boot. In my experence, I could not him to agree with anything I did or wanted, I would ask one of his friends to bring up the same question or situation, my ex would totally agree with his friend, KICK HIM TO THE CURB NOW< move on with your live, your better than that, you can survive, move back to your friends and family for support they will continue to love and support you and your beautiful child, I was pretty much the mom and dad, now he's got my 2 boys and turning them against me...,.,,GET OUT NOW!!!!

Answer 5

Be pleasant, sweet and nice and when you get him in a good mood ask him what is upsetting him, so that you can fix whatever it is. This is not saying that you are at fault, but if you love him and want to stay with him, you have to be more an adult than he obviously is. If that doesn't work, and you can't take it anymore, suggest a marriage guidance councilor, to him. Again if that doesn't work, leave and don't look back.

Answer 6

My recent ex- boyfriend was like that, He made it seem like i was unimportant to him, when we were around others, but in private, totally different.
I finally had enough. Although he is still playing his games.
He e-mails me, and is wonderful, then around his family he makes me seem like i am the one chasing him.
A man of 50 years old, shouldn't act like that, but I guess immaturity knows no age.

Tell your husband that you don't appreciate the way that he has been treating you around others. If he doesn't' change, maybe it's time for you to go away for a while. No one deserves to be abused, verbally, mentally, physically.

Get out, if he doesn't change. you have a baby to think of.
One man's 'trash' is another mans treasure.
Sorry, didn't mean to call you trash, but what one doesn't want, another would take in a heart beat.

GOOD LUCK, TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER.

Answer 7

My girlfriend says you should tell him to go f himself but I think all you really have to do is tell him you are moving or you want to move or that your thinking of filing for divorce my point is really he just needs a wake up call cause I don't think he realizes how serious it is effecting you,he don't sound to sharp kids really pickup on ignorance she may get a complex that she is worthless because he pays no attention to her you really owe that little girl a responsible act here Hun not to mention the little gal in yourself.

Answer 8

People will tell you they will not put up with that but their not marries and their not you. Allow him some time out, and when he comes home you and the baby need to go out a night, perhaps you and the baby go to a nice hotel or go to your best friends house who lives way out of town. I promise you he'll get his act together, don't answer your cell phone, don't tell anyone but your closest relatives so they will not worry, make him feel like you do, he will not like it

Answer 9

i stayed with an abusive husband for years just so my kids could have a roof over there head. my one son said it was the biggest mistake i ever did for them because the last thing a kid wants to see is his mom abused. think hard about that while you pack your things and go home to your parents or find an apartment. your husband will always be the way he is now. What he did was put on an act to get you, you are gotten now the act ends. believe me it will never get better with him. Love yourself and your son will learn to love himself. Gods Blessings

Answer 10

Don't put up with it anymore! Get dressed up the baby and you and take yourself out and do fun things with your baby. When he sees your not tripping he will come back. Give him that SPACE that he so DESPERATELY NEEDS right Now! Give give or take a week or two you'll be wow that works. As long as he knows your jealous of he's friends he will play with you, give him a TASTE of his own MEDICINE he wont like it @ ALL!

Answer 11

There's a lot of long answers here... some even blithering on about their own lives.

You need to see this situation for what it is. He isolated you for control. Now you have no support but him, and you have to go to him for all your social needs...seems pretty insecure to me. You need to show him that your just as self sufficient as you were back home. Otherwise, this is your life for the rest of your life. You have a choice, take it or leave it.