What is the "right" way to word this?

Question

ok heres the deal Me and my fiance have been dating for 4 years, he deployed in May and came back in Oct. During that time I would go to his parents and you know, visit with them, when he got back they were very "selfih" with him, they would actually guilt him into doing thing just for them, anyway, Thanksgiving came around, he spent Thanksgiving day with them and we went to my family' at night, the next day they came to our apt and demanded that he move back in with them, he didnt leave but that whole situation involved me and his mother fighting, I wouldnt have done it, but my fiance wa having an axiety attack during this whole situation, my sis was restraining his mother away from me, when I turned around I saw her slapping and pulling off the earrings of my 16 YO sis, I cant go to his special army events, he only tells them to go, he will leave and Ill be here alone, my moms health is failing now and I want to leave him, and go and tend to her, I want him to go too what to do?

I want to leave this apt but I want him to also spend time with me and not leave me alone or lie about times he will be back from their home, everything we do he has to run and tell them and get their ok, how do i break this already? He needs to get off his moms tit! how should I tell him he needs to clear this mess up?

Answer 1

Give him a chance to adjust to being home again. Things will probably get better between the two of you, but he's not ready to leave his mom and dad right now. You should go to your mom and remain faithful to him while you wait for him to decide what to do with the rest of his life. Don't wait forever. You'll know when it's time to move on.

Answer 2

He doesn't invite you to his special army events, your SISTER was the one restraining his mother off of you NOT him.....The one thing I would do is tell him it's you or his mother. I'd make sure that woman never entered my home again. I'd ask him to go with you to your mother's, tell him you both need this time to be together, tell him you need him more than ever during this time in your life. If he feels he can't leave his mother, then be forewarned......it will be like this as long as she's around. She won't ever let him change. IF he wants things to change, he has to be the one to take the initiative and just do it. I can't stand a controlling woman. What I can't stand even more is a week man. You may want to rethink this relationship. Good luck to you hun....

Answer 3

Lie, tell him yo Love the fact that he loves his mom. (even though it can be and usually is a source of resentment in relationships)
Tell him that although he should always remain close to his parents that if he wants you to be his future that he needs to make some choices.
If you marry this man and he continues his ways with needing 'permission' and leaving you out of things you will resent him even more, and evidently it will end in divorce.
You need to prioritize. If your mom is sick take care of her. If he loves yo he will wait. If he doesn't at least yo will know, and won't make the huge mistake of marrying him. I know that 4 years is a long time to invest in a relationship, but isn't it better that you found out now.

Good luck, keep your head up, things may seem bleak now, but i assure you they will get better.

Answer 4

The sad thing is that you will not be able to stop this.
He will be like this the rest of his life.
If his mother was physical with a 16 year old do you really want her to be the grandmother of your children.

GET OUT NOW, run as fast as you can and never look back.

Answer 5

Congrats, youve gotten hold of a first class mommas boy. Seriousily, nothing good will ever come of this as long as momma is around. Momma has her hooks deep into her little boy and no one or nothing on earth will ever change that. You dont stand a chance. Also you have assault and battery charges on a minor against her for your little sister if you want to press charges. Youre definitely not going to win here so its time to give him one last ultimatum; his mother or you, but be prepared to move on cause Im afraid hes going to lie to you anyway just for his mothers sake. You deserve better but watch out there is a hell of alot of mommas boys out there today. Good luck

Answer 6

Blood is thicker than water they say. I hate to say this, but get out now. He will probably choose his family over you anyway. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? You can't even have family functions together. It puts him in a bad position also, always having to choose between the two of you. I would get out while the gettins' good. Sorry.

Answer 7

sweetie you wasted five months of love and prayer on him. you are in a losing battle. you in my opinion did the right thing in defending your sister. if he was having an anxiety attack while his mother was harming a 16 year old he is weak. walk away from him and his family. he doesn't respect you in anyway.. if he did he would of nipped this mess in the bud. and would not be placing you in the middle. *if you love something set it free, if it comes back ,it was yours. if not it never was.*find another apartment.good luck.

Answer 8

If you have to TELL a guy to leave his mom and be with you he has not grown up yet. I suggest you look for a man that has already cut the apron strings. You will have plenty of trouble the rest of your life with this one. m

Answer 9

It sounds like he's squarely under his mother's influence and his mom sounds like a psycho. Get out of this now before too much damage is done.

Answer 10

I thank your fiance for his military service.

That said, it seems as though he will always prefer his "mom's tit", as you put it, over your own. Therefore it is time to tell him not to let the doorknob hit him where the dog should have bit him and move on.