i never feel him.and he knows that.and it causes us lot's of probs.coz i almost always refuse,and when we're together,i'm cold as ice.i sometimes even cry coz i don't want it,thank God we're in the dark and he doesn't see that.and as we are not good in bed,there is no intimacy in the daily life relation.any help plz?it's a serious prob.thanx...
2007-01-28 10:01:15 · 31 answers · asked by Queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sit him down and talk to him. Don't assume that he knows exactly what the problem it. If you haven't told him then I guarantee he does not know. Men don't think like us.
Once you have told hm that you are not enjoying your sex life with him, ask him if he is willing to make some changes. If he is, teach him. Show him how to touch you and where to touch you. Any man who loves you will be willing to make sure that you are satisfied. When we are satisfied their sex life will improve as well so it is not one sided.
If he is not willing to change then stop all sex! It is not fair to you! We should not have to cry during the most intimate and cherished moment in our lives. You are not doing anything wrong, but somewhere along the line, you stopped communicating. Re-open those lines and improve both of your lives.
2007-01-28 10:12:49 · answer #1 · answered by Jalyn24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish i could answer that.
Does he have a small penis, is that what you are speaking of.
Some people that I know have/had the same problem, and although you don't want/mean to make it an issue, it becomes one.
You feel anger and resentment. You feel empty after the sex.
People say go see a sex therapist, what guy do you know that would agree to that?
I guess the only thing that you can do, is try to mentally find yourself attracted to him. He probably senses the feelings that you are having, and it affects him also.
There are exercises called Keigal, it's done by tensing up your muscles in your pubic area, like you are holding back your urine, and then releasing them. that is supposed to help with sensation,and tightening up.
Try different positions, maybe you are only doing it missionary position, and you could try adding some different moves. Maybe you need some visualizations. Get a sex movie, not porno, just like an advice/ moves one.
Good luck, used to know what you were talking about, and I too felt resentment. That may have been 'our' downfall. I filled that 'empty' feeling I had with food. I gained 20 pounds, and now that the relationship is over, I have lost 7. Yeah, me.
Don't give up, at least not until you have exhausted all other options.
2007-01-28 10:16:17 · answer #2 · answered by lil' angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are both willing, there are centers to help with this. It may seem a bit akward at first, but these people are highly trained and will not think it weird when you explain the situation. They will offer suggestions, etc. There is a communication gap between you two that MUST be bridged in order for your sex life to improve. You must TELL each other what you like and dislike, what is better, worse, etc. Go into detail. Don't have to do it all at once, but you must talk it out to achieve anything.
You both must be willing to ;listen to the other and not judge or criticize. TRY different things the other suggests. If you don't like that, try another. I'm sure you will hit on something eventually(prob. sooner than you think) that you both enjoy.
I would definitely start with a marriage counselor to get some lines of communication open in everyday life and take it from there. Your life will improve greatly if you talk openly about your feelings on ALL matters.
2007-01-28 10:11:07 · answer #3 · answered by Deb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very sorry to hear this.
Might I suggest that perhaps you have symptom and cause reversed - that the problems in your sexual intimacy may actually be caused by the lack of relational intimacy, rather than the other way around?
I don't know either of you, of course, but it's impossible for me for sex to be really good if there are underlying intimacy problems in the relationship.
Even if I'm way off base, I would suggest the first step to remedy is the same - you have to both be willing to honestly talk about it without getting defensive, without pointing fingers and accusing or sulking - to start on the basis that you love each other and you want this very important part of your relationship to express the closeness you both want with each other.
Hope this helps. Best to you both.
2007-01-28 10:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can make this what you want. You have the power more than you realize. Try giving in to loving him as you once did. You have to leave everything else back at the door. If you truly love him, you need to let some things go. It's not only hurting him, its hurting you too. As for daily life intimacy, reach out to him, he is still there isn't he?
2007-01-28 10:09:13 · answer #5 · answered by flower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole problem is the fact that you don't have any intimacy in daily life. You need that to have a good sexual relationship. Go see a theripist and if that doesnt help maybe it is time to move on, I am sorry to say. Good luck.
2007-01-28 10:05:38 · answer #6 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See a doctor. Maybe all you need is to have a small operation to tighten things up again down below. And see a marriage councilor to learn how to talk to each other about the things that are troubling you both.
2007-01-28 10:14:22 · answer #7 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, that's a huge problem. I hate to be so blunt about this, but the way I see it, you have 2 choices: commit yourself 100% to get beyond this (therapy, whatever it takes), or you let your husband out of this relationship. A sexless marriage is hell to go through....absolute, unadulterated hell, and if that's what he has to go through to be with the woman he loves, it's ripping his heart out and it won't be long before he's a complete shell of himself. Then all you will get is one of 3 things from him; bitterness, apathy, or an adulterer. If any of those sound fantastic to you, don't listen to me.
2007-01-28 10:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing to do is to try to remembe what made you fall in love in the first place. You should maybe sit down & talk to him about your feelings. You dont have to tell him that the sex is bad or anything, but let him know how you are feeling about the relationship in general. Honey, sex fades over time, but your relationship is what will stand the tests of time!!!
2007-01-28 10:06:05 · answer #9 · answered by Soccermom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really need to talk to him about his problem. He definately needs to take time to find out what YOU like and what makes you hot. Definately more foreplay. Don't let him be selfish in bed.!!!... it will only cause more problems and resentment in the long run. If he knows that he is not pleasing you, what has he done to correct it? If all else fails, try therapy.
2007-01-28 10:09:07 · answer #10 · answered by krubar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋