I am in a long distance relationship with my fiance. We are supposed to get married one year from this weekend. We see each other for a week or two every month by either he or I flying to the others home or meeting somewhere. We both have our own business so we shut down in order to spend this time. He wanted to go to Europe for a trip this summer for 3 weeks, with the wedding costs, my business expenses etc I told him I can't afford the ticket as that time of year it is like 2k for the airfare and to shut down for 3 weeks would be potentially devastating for my business. I said, lets do something else and go there next year. He said no, I am going without you if you don't go. I said that was not right and he hung up on me. I am so hurt that he would rather go there than find something more sensible that we can both do. He is taking was was "our" designated time to do this and I find it gross. Am I crazy to think that he is wrong to treat me this way? We should be a team?
2007-01-28 07:49:33 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You ARE right...he's just showing you how selfish he'll be in your marriage...pay attention.
2007-01-28 07:53:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Long distance relationships are so very challenging.
He is justified in wanting to take 3 weeks and travel and you are justified in not wanting to close your business for 3 weeks.
The key here is that there must be a mutual respect for the other. You are hurt he would consider going without you
and he is upset you are tryng to monopolize his time. You are both so concerned with your own desires and needs, you aren't talking to each other and listening to the other's desires and needs.
Have you had the talk about where you will live when married? What would happen if a move was made now? Could either business be restarted in a new town? What kind of businesses can be shut down 1-2 weeks each month?
I think there is much more to this story...
2007-01-28 16:02:30 · answer #2 · answered by TO Red 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you're right. It seems like he has all the time in the world to travel. Why doesn't he chip in and help you go? I feel sorry for you. Why did he treat you that way? He'll regret not having your company if he goes alone.
I have a feeling that he knows that you can't go and he has other intentions of going with someone else. My gut tells me that there is something terribly wrong. After he makes the hotel reservations...call the hotel and see how many adults are registered to the room. I hope I'm wrong but who goes to Europe for 3 weeks alone?
2007-01-28 15:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, take a deep breath. You need a clear head to deal with this situation, as there seems to be a deeper problem. A long-distance relationship? Sorry to say...they are not good things. His irrational reaction to your money woes is another red flag. If he is not understanding of your situation, will he bring this intolerance into a marriage? Hanging up on you...well, that's just disrespectful, at best; rude at worst. That is another red flag. You might want to take a cold, hard look at this "relationship"; if he is this judgemental and intolerant now, what will marriage do to soften it? Nothing, I suspect. So you may want a "cooling off" period regarding the relationship, to truly assess what you two want to do in the long run. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-28 20:41:10 · answer #4 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be a team, and while I don't think it's right the attitude it seems he's taking....
I think it's possible that maybe you should ask him why it's so important he go there at this time without jumping on him from the get go. Explain to him how much you wish you could go but you aren't sure it wont' be devestating for your business, did he have some Ideas that would make this happen? And is there any chance he could be getting cold feet?
2007-01-28 15:57:44 · answer #5 · answered by Aphrodite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance just reacted without thinking. Let him calm down and ask him again the next day why he wants to go to Europe so much. If he truly loves you, he will understand the financial situation and spend time with you wherever you are. Europe will always be there. But he could end up losing you.
2007-01-28 15:55:21 · answer #6 · answered by Charlotte Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be upset & have every right to feel hurt. It was terribly inconsiderate of him, as well as, disrespectful to you, to your relationship, & to your future. It is immature to hang up on someone in the first place, this should serve as a warning to you, as to how he will handle himself in the future. How he will deal with frustrations & disappointments (as life is filled with both) & it appears that he isn't very well equipped at handling them. Also, finances are an integral part of a marriage & to risk your business- which is your livelihood for the sake of a vacation is not only immature but also irresponsible. Everything happens for a reason, & therefore you need to take a stepback & look at this situation for what it is & the what the ramifications of being married to this man could mean for you in the future. If he wants you to choose him & his whims over your business then you'll have to be prepared to disassemble your business to be with him. Also, you'll be risking always living day to day, without any money in reserve, b/c he is showing you that despite financial obligations he will chose wants over needs. This is disturbing & disheartening for you, however, be glad that you were enlightened about this side of him prior to the "i do's"......this way you can make a truly informed decision about whether this is the type of marriage you truly want...*& that is your choice.
2007-01-28 16:10:29 · answer #7 · answered by rjsluvbug 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has the right to take a trip without you. You two are not married yet. Be understanding of him and what he wants to do. It's not about "you" anymore once you are married. You need to quit being selfish and start treating him with some respect. He has the right to go, and if you want to call off the wedding because of this, that's your own problem. I don't think you are mature enough to be married. It's good you are waiting another year...
2007-01-28 15:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I am with you on this one. If he knows you cant do this at this time not only because of the cost of cash, but the cost of your business. He is testing you on whats more important. which is very superficial. I would reverse it, by calling him back and acknowledging his need to go now and hope he has a good time and hope that he understands that you would like to go, but your business is important to you and your future. And don't forget to bring something back for you.
2007-01-28 15:59:28 · answer #9 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should be more understanding and take what you said in to consideration. It's like it's his way or no way and thats not fair to you. Try talking to him and come to some kind of agreement and if that doesn't work, I would seriously step back and do some serious thinking and wonder if this is the one you want for the rest of your life. Good Luck
2007-01-28 16:11:32 · answer #10 · answered by Lace 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hi,
you are not crazy to think that he is wrong because he is wrong . that was a trip meant for the both of you not just him. he should understand that you can not afford to go and agree to do something different with you so tat you and he can be together isn't that what the whole trip was about anyway.
2007-01-28 15:57:26 · answer #11 · answered by Sonya K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋