Why do I attract needy people?

Question

I am dating a guy right now who seemed really together, confident and happy when I first met him, but as we get more serious he is showing signs of being very insecure and needy. He gives me the feeling that he thinks I'm the answer to all of his problems (which have turned out to be many, including depression...) As a teenager, I always attracted the misfits who nobody else wanted to hang around with, so it's been a pattern most of my life. Even my dog is way needier than my friends' dogs, following me around constantly and he can't stand to be in a different room than I am. I feel like I can't breathe because I always seem to have someone whose happiness is totally hinging on their relationship with me. I THINK I'm a confident, happy person myself, and the feedback I get from coworkers and my "non-needy" friends seems to reinforce that perception of myself, so I don't think it's my own self-concept or whatever that is the problem. What can I be doing wrong?

Answer 1

In all honesty I haven't any idea but can relate to your feelings 100%. My good friend says that at times it appears that I am trying to be a saviour to some people in need of assistance, and they are drawn to me as a magnet it appears. Other times friends will be having problems with their children and want me to talk with them as I have many life experiences and work with both youth and adult offenders. Regardless it appears that some people are just draining and/or poison and when this happens in relationships I attempt to put these poison folks aside as they do not really want help but merely want to be heard and complain etc. But finally after 47 years of being on this earth I was lucky enough to find a woman who is actually pretty together for going through some of events that she has in her life. Hopefully you too will eventually find someone who to share your time and life with that is not in need of constant care. It is actually a nice thing to have this ability to have others respect and want your opinion but can be very wearing also at times. Best of luck.in finding a partner who can be there for you also and not always in need of having their needs heard all the time.

Answer 2

You're probably like me. . .to nice. I honestly don't know myself how to solve that, b/c if you and I become mean to strangers, it wouldn't give a good imperssion. You might have great things to say to their problems. By any chance are you a phyciatrist? B/c it seems like you have the answer to every problem people have. I feel good at times when insecure people come to me for help, but if they stay too long it gets on my nerves. After you think this guy you're dating is doing better in his life, leave him and let him be. God knows if that'll help you with all your problems with needy people, but let's hope it'll help with at least this one.