My best friend's husband has been paying more than the usual attention to me. As couples, we have done a lot of things together over the years as friends. He is a good friend to my husband as well. As far as I know, there are no marital problems with the two of them. He continues to call me on the phone to chit chat and E-Mail me and has even sent me flowers once. He hasn't suggested anything romantic but it's his persistance that bothers me. My husband and friend know nothing of this as I don't want trouble. I, of course, love my husband and friend and would never do anything to hurt them. Any ideas how I can tell him to back off in a nice way without hurting his feelings? I value him as a friend but that is all. I'm kind of at a loss about what to do in this situation.
2007-01-28 06:11:19 · 10 answers · asked by Erica R 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In this guy's eyes, your refusal to expose his behavior is tantamount to approving of it, and if you're not saying "no" to his advances, you're just getting closer to saying yes.
You want to let him down but not hurt his feelings??? Then you're not serious about stopping his advances. Think about your spouse....his spouse....if you truly care for and love them like you imply, you will end these games immediately. This is not a gray area; you either stop it, or leave the door open until you two have an affair. Your actions today will determine what ultimately happens here, the longer you tiptoe around it, the more likely you will be in his arms and putting 2 marriages at risk.
2007-01-28 06:19:56 · answer #1 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just be very brief but polite when he calls; think of a reason to get off the phone within a couple of min utes. Same with email. Do not respond at all for three days, and then make your response very generic. The flowers thing is a bit out of the ordinary. I think he is trying to get a signal from you that his attentions are welcome. So, just be very careful in what you say to him. Be sure to ask about his wife often.
2007-01-28 06:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's a bit infatuated with you...and the idea of secret sex (sorry...but that's probably the end all...) is driving him to call, etc.
You need to tell him that you are uncomfortable, without accusing him of anything. In other words, "It makes me uncomfortable when you send me flowers, call me and not my husband, etc." Leave it open ended.
If he persists, then I think you know you need to talk with your husband, too.
2007-01-28 06:36:07 · answer #3 · answered by mhcgjl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to show more affection and love to your husband while his best friend is around and it may help him to get the hint that you love him to death and you are not interested or planning to engage in extramarital activities. If that dont help talk to him, but i rather not, because maybe he is being nice and you will make a fool out of yourself believing that he was even into you like that.
2007-01-28 06:26:57 · answer #4 · answered by BK thang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be straight forward with him. If it continues, tell him that your going to let your husband and his mans wife know whats going on. I'm sure that'll make him stop, but if it doesn't, then tell them. Dont let this drag on or you might just end up getting into trouble yourself with your husband and friend for not telling them sooner.
2007-01-28 06:29:03 · answer #5 · answered by PfcsBaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quietly tell him to respect the boundaries of your marriage. NO flowers are to be sent to you, no cards, no Private get togehters, no persobnal calls on the phione or internet emails. Always remain the the company of your husband around him, no matter what.
If you think his actions are more than just friendly, which I do, youi'd heed this advice.
2007-01-28 06:25:54 · answer #6 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just send him an e-mail and ask him what his intentions are and that it is making you uncomfortable for it only to be the two of you responding to each other and also that the flowers were lovely but that he should only send them to his wife. Just let him know that it is a couple friendship not singles friendship and that it needs to be the four of you.
2007-01-28 06:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by Angie B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be firm with him and tell him to back off or else you'll tell his wife. You may want to have your husband confront him. Don't freak out about this, it will go away if you or your man say something to him.
2007-01-28 06:17:21 · answer #8 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just casually let his wife know that he called and you talked about something innocuous. The second time you let her know he was in touch with you will be the last time, I can assure you. And no-one will be hurt.
2007-01-28 06:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by thetruthteller 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HAPPENED TO ME AND I WILL NEVER HAVE CLOSE FRIENDS THAT WE DO EVERYTHING WITH EVER AGAIN. NICE TO SEE A GIRL THAT WON'T CHEAT. I RESPECT THAT. JUST TELL HIM TO PLEASE STOP CONTACTING YOU OUTSIDE OF YOUR COUPLES GET TOGETHERS AND YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING. BUT THAT THIS ISN'T RIGHT. ALL PEOPLE GET ATTRACTED TO OTHERS BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE.
2007-01-28 06:54:34 · answer #10 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋