What are reasonable expectations in a marriage? Am I asking for too much?

Question

We are both 38 years old. I have been married before, it lasted 13 years and 2 children. I know compromise and how to address different situations with kindness and maturity. I know what it takes to make a relationship work. I am in no way trying to make myself out to be the perfect wife.
I give 100% to my current husband, and all I ask is I be treated, respected, and loved in the same way. I feel like I'm married to a compulsive taker. I ask for no more than I am willing to give.
Am I wrong in expecting... love, honor, and respect.
Monday, I sprained my ankle, also, I am 5 months pregnant. The first thing he said was, What did you do that for? Not are you okay, as Im sure he could hear that I wasn't as I could hardly get out, "Could you bring me a pair of socks, I fell and sprained my ankle."

To me a relationship is a partnership, like playing on the same team, where you make things easier for the one another not more difficult.
I don't know, sorry for rambling

Answer 1

Yes you are right. Marriage is a partnership and each partner should give their fair share. When only one partner gives all the compassion and understanding and the other gives zero, then the marriage will slowly fail. You will become bitter because you give so much and he gives nothing at all. You will soon do the same as him and not give anything. (been there) The best thing for you to do is to talk openly to him about how you feel about this. Get him to see your point. If your husband loves you he will understand and try harder to show that he does care. Be prepared to remind him from time to time after wards, because things tend to go back to "the way they were". Good luck.

Answer 2

Reasonable Expectations Marriage

Answer 3

Are you the giving type? I tend to find that givers and takers align with each other, because at first, it is where they feel comfortable in a relationship.

The only problem with that is, after a while, the takers continue to take and the givers eventually give out with no reciprocal treatment.

I don't really have an answer for your situation per se, but sometimes gaining a different perspective helps give us understanding as to why our relationships are going a certain way. If we know the "why", perhaps then we can facilitate change.

Answer 4

In no way do I think you are asking for too much. You are right about marriage. It is a partnership. It takes communication and compromise from both people to work. Maybe you could sit down with him and tell him how it makes you feel when he treats you this way. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out! :) Take care!

Answer 5

You may be "committed" to trying to put this all back together (what a story!) but the fact is? She is not - and she's half the equation here. Were I you? I'd move forward; file for divorce and move on with my life. She's clearly trying to disengage herself from the marriage and has pretty much told you in the many ways you've cited above - so LISTEN. End it now, for your sake as well as her's, as it appears she's not operating on all "4 burners" as well and unless you want to be jerked around emotionally for the rest of your life in a loveless marriage? Again, leave... I would surmise once you do? You'll realize you two aren't a match and there will be another in your future to share your life with. Grace

Answer 6

Sounds like you have some valid issues.... and sounds like he figures he probably brings home the $$$ so anything you contribute is just "your job". In you place, a few sessions of counseling might be in order --- go by yourself, then get him to go... he may not even realize how unkind and unthinking his comment(s) are. Part of what makes both people content in marriage is being able to discuss issues without rage, and in your place many would just blow their top... read a book "The Assertive Option" for some ideas on how to get your concerns out there. Lots of the examples aren't relevant to marriage, but the way they are discussed are.... as to saying things like "I feel...I need....I'd like...." Rather than, "You are.... I hate it when you do...... Why are you always so......." Negotiating without rage is a learned skill.. This is an old book, but still used in counseling classes simply because no one has written one better..

Helpful?

Answer 7

a marriage is a partnership, only if both are playing on the same team. you are not expecting too much in your marriage. love, honor and respect is a human desire. your spouse sounds like his Y chromosome is in charge so to speak. he needs lessons in caring, empathy and compassion. have him wear your shoes for a while and see if he likes being in that position.

a bunch of years back i would've accepted his statement, but i accept othing like that anymore. he's a rude rube and needs to be sent back to his mother for further basic training.

talk to him not at him. he must be made to understand your side of the situation. he must be shown and told, "this is how it's done." sounds like you have yhour job cut out for you - and for that i am sorry. don't allow him to place blame on you for a situation that is in the common vernacular called "an accident."

Answer 8

You are in no way asking for too much..You need to sit down and tell your husband everything that you just said here.Marriage is an equal partnership and he should be willing to pick up the slack,especially if you are hurt your vows included in sickness and in health.Congtatulations on your expected child..Good Luck to you..

Answer 9

You're right..and he was being really insensitive. Maybe you should tell him how you feel.

Answer 10

your right he should of been concerned about you since your pregnant