My boyfriend has an anger problem and I'm tired of it.?

Question

I've been dating this guy for a year and I really care for him a lot, but his anger problem gets in the way of our relationship. He doesn't become violent or abusive in any way, he just gets loud. I talked to him about 3 weeks ago that his anger is controlling our relationship and he said he would try to control it. Last night we had plans for dinner with my friends and he was frustrated (that's how it starts) because he was running late. When he realized he was still 30 minutes away (he lives 70miles away) and dinner would begin in 20 minutes, he asked me to cancel dinner and said he was going home. I became upset and expressed I didn't appreciate this and he broke up with me! He stated the following, "You need to start dating someone else because you and I are through!". I said okay and hung up the phone. What the hell? He has become angry before and always comes back apologizing, but he has never broken up with me. Also, I have never expressed my irritation with him before

Answer 1

You'll be even more tired of it if you waste 5 years of your life on him and realize he is never going to change! Ask him if he is willing to get help, if he says no leave him! Life is too short to waste it on somone who refuses to se he needs help or that your relationship is not a healthy one.

Answer 2

This dude needs to seriously take a chill pill. It's a bummer that you missed out on the dinner, but that doesn't mean he should act unreasonable. Shi* happens, that's life, and we deal with it. My boyfriend has times when he's just weird and irrational. He applied for a loan for an ATV one spring and ended up convincing himself he wasn't going to get it, got all worked up about it, and was a complete grump to me, like it was my fault somehow! Soooo mature! He has no patience for anything, that includes me once in a while, but he handles it by taking a drive or going somewhere else for a little bit and then comes home. Then we'll talk and that's worked for us. People say so many dumb, dumb things when they're angry. You just don't think clearly, and all you want to do is verbally attack the other person. Perhaps Mr. Furious needs to tame the rage, but it sounds like maybe it's a good thing you're single. Find someone who isn't interested in having high blood pressure!

Answer 3

He sounds very immature. He might have some emotional issues or be bi-polar because that sounds like something I would do when I was pmsing!! lol Also it could be that he really wasn't even on his way. He might have had another date or something and didn't know how to get out of the engagement with you, so instead of being a man about the situation, he got mad at you, so he could twist things and blame you for what happened. Then rationalize in his mind that he acted appropriately and you were the one in the wrong. Either way just forget about him. Life is too short to be dealing with crazy people that you never know how they are going to act! Please believe me when I say it will not get better! Especially if you stay with him, he will never change. Just let him go, and hopefully (someday) he will realize he has a problem and choose to go get help. But that's something only he can do for himself.

Answer 4

if you read your question you will see the answer, Why in Gods name have you allowed this anger to go on for so long. Did you think it was going to get better.Also the question begs to be asked How you can go with a guy for a year and really care about him BUT, I do not believe that you have thought this through one little bit. It sounds like you are hoping that he will come around to your way of thinking, and he is thinking I can get frustrated and angry because it dosen't seem to get to her. Now for the Bad news You can not change him, Only he can, and so far he hasn't seen the need to, The only person you can change is YOU, and if you see something you do not like, you either accept it or you walk away, not sort of accept, thinking it will change later, Never going to happen

Answer 5

Anger is just a by product of his true feelings. He is scared/hurt. His fear is that you will leave him? He is hurt when things don't go as you both planned and it hurts him to let you down.
Don't confront him about "anger" issues. What needs to be addressed are his real feelings. He may not be able to admit to them or even see them. He doesnt seem to have an anger problem as much as a difficulty in expressing other feelings. It is hard for a man to admit he might be scared or hurt. I think he wants to do right by you and that is why he just called the relationship off. You might not be able to just sit down with him and talk it all out in one sitting. But the next time you feel his "frustrations" building maybe you could put yourself in his shoes and maybe ease into the feelings. Everything happens for a reason...you may be in his life right now to teach or show him something about himself...who knows.
Best of luck to you both.

Answer 6

You need to accept his opinion & LET HIM break up with you. Get away from him. I married 3 men just like him...all ended up being wife beaters! Starts off being loud, controlling & bad tempered. Next thing you know, they push or shove you during an argument (once they move in with you), then they really get rough if you stay after that. They figure you'll never leave so they use u as a punching bag. LET him leave u now! Find a soft spoken gentle man who is much more of a laid back funny guy. Good luck!

Answer 7

This is how it all begins. I had a boyfriend like this for 5 years. The worse stuff will come. But you dont need there to be abuse for you to not have to put up with it. He's easily frustrated and cant handle having his attitude being called upon and you need a more happy and stable relationship. Walk away and go on with your life,with or without a new love,itll come.

Answer 8

With a suituation like this you need to be very careful because even though he has not been violent or abusive before like you said you have never expressed your opinion back to him before. I think the best thing would be for him to have some counselling, he could even be depressed. He sounds like the kind of person that would be willing to get some help, so it might be worth suggesting.

Answer 9

Wow I'm sorry to hear that anger issues are effecting your relationship with the man that you love. Sounds like their are somethings that are on his mind that he needs to express to someone that is not in his inner circle or else, (Don't want to rain on no one party) but it seems as though that he may have another woman 70 miles from you and it's hard for him to juggle between 2 woman and give the both of you 110%. Than it could be that he under pressure that has haunted him since his childhood.

Answer 10

I'm in the same situation but I always let him know that he needs to chill out and get anger management but when I tell him I have a smile in my face so he won't get more loud and more mad, when I tell him that he smiles and tells me that I'm crazy and that he don't need it so I don't keep pushing it but he seriously does need it and the worse thing is that he takes his fustrations out on me and thats where all the fighting comes from cuz sometimes I don't put up with his $**t and he broke up with cuz of a big argument we had but then we talked and fixed everything. Let him go and let him cool out for a while and if he knows he did wrong and he recongnizes it he'll come back and if his stubborn then chances are that his not going to look for u. take a break from him and see what happens.

Answer 11

Trust me.
Either way, you're better off without him.

It really sounds like he wanted to break up with you, and had just decided (consciously or unconciously) to take the next convenient opportunity to do so.

But, say he didn't really want to break up ---he truly was just so frustrated and immature that he lashed out at you for his own shortcoming (tardiness). Are you seriously considering maintaining even a FRIENDSHIP with a person of this quality (much less a love relationship)?!!

If so, you need more help than you can get here.