hmmm, can you help??

Question

I am asking for my friend.... She is 5 months pregnant and is having some issues with her ex. When she found out she was pregnant, he dumped her and wanted nothing to do with her. Now because she kept the baby, he has begun harassing her. Calling in the middle of the night repeatedly, after being told not to, and telling her that he was gonna have someone beat her up to make her lose the baby.. What can she do to get a restraining order on him, and do you thihnk it would stick?? Next, she has decided not to put his name on the birth certificate, since she don't want him anywhere near the baby, however he said that he is going to have a pat. test done and then have the baby taken away from her.. She is a wonderful sweet person. And will be a great mom, I know that he won't be able to take the kid, but can he make her do a pat. test??? Or can she refuse it??

If she has to give him a test, she wants to make it where he has supervised visitations with the baby.. Can she do that?? How should she go about all this.. Any advise would be great!!!!! Anyother ideas would be helpful as well..

Answer 1

I almost didn't answer this, because you already have soooo many good answers here! Maybe I'll grab something tho that someone missed. 1st thing she needs to get a restraining order. They actually aren't that hard to get, you don't generally have to prove anything but to say what has happened, but keeping a record of EVERY thing is of utmost importance for down the road! She needs to call the police, or go to the station every single time he makes a threat or anything happens. No, they may not jump right up to arrest him, but to fill out a police report and have that on file shows that she is making an effort to keep him away and is scared of him for herself and her baby. Of course, once she has a restraining order, if he violates it at all she should call the police right away and try to get him arrested for violating it. She should not put his name on the birthcertificate, that is a very smart move. That forces him to have to request a paternity test AND pay for it. He will have to do that through court, so that will be extra work on his end to have to do, and lots of times they don't take all that extra effort. He sounds like a control freak, an abusive man... so the further she can get from him before the baby comes the better. She has time on her hands here, because the baby isn't here yet. Document everything, keep him away from her, don't give him any rights by keeping his name off the birth certificate, put a bug in his friends ears that it's not his baby, change her phone number and note that in the police reports, a move to a different address if possible. If she's having difficulty getting the police to help out before the baby comes, she should get a lawyer to help her with the DA, restraining order, legal questions, etc. A lot of times the police won't do too much because the laws don't really allow them to. Often, an arrest can't be made until someone is actually HURT... so all these steps to prevent it MUST be done... we don't want her actually getting hurt! They'll look at her like she's being rediculous when she walks into the station for the third time to just fill out a report... but DO IT ANYWAY!

You're a good friend to try to find this information out for your friend. Remember however, women from relationships like this often like to give the guy the "benefit of the doubt"... or the "he's all talk, he wouldn't really hurt me" ... or whatever... so keep your friends morale up, keep her on track, she's going to need YOU and all the FAMILY and FRIENDS she can to keep her on the right track to keep this baby safe! BEST WISHES!!

Answer 2

First of all she needs to call the police everytime he does something. She is going to have to establish a history of the behavior. She should go ahead and go to the police station now and file a report on all of the past threats and harrasment. Then as I said, continue to call them everytime and report every act. They will not just give her a restraining order on her word. She also needs to have any witnesses write a statement and take those with her. She can not stop a paternity test. She can fight it and go through the courts, but she risks having to pay his legal fees. She can refuse to pay for the test. If he wants it bad enough and wants to pay more power to him. But they are very costly and he will prob back off when he finds out how much it is and realizes that he is setting himself up to pay child support. He can't just have the baby taken away. He can keep calling child services is about all. That can cause problems for your friend, but that is another reason she needs to establish this history of harrassment. She needs to make sure that the police know that he has threatened to have the baby taken away and to harm the baby (having her beat up). She can't just request that he have supervised visits either. There has to be proof that he would hurt the child. Once agian the police reports could help if it comes to this. She should probably go ahead and contact a lawyer to see what all he can do to help her. Although I think he will pretty much tell her everything I just told you. I hope that things get better for your friend and that I was able to help!

Answer 3

She should change her number, and pay the extra couple of bucks for an unlisted number. Next, let EVERYONE know about the problems, and to let them know she does NOT want him to have his number. Hopefully that will work.

Obtaining a restraining order varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Tell her to consult with a domestic laywer.

Once she has the No-Contact Order, tell her to report EVERY violation. (And dial *67[?] to flag the call.) Additionally, she should file a police report about the threats, and invest in a voice activated recording set-up (tape or digital).

Will it stick? *Maybe*... "Restraining Orders," only work if the offender is willing to follow it. If he has no intention of obeying it, it's not worth the paper it's written on.

As to whether she should have his name on the birth certificate, that is up to her...it may or may not increase the level of danger she is in...and never doubt, she IS in danger.

Can he have the baby taken from her? Conditional, no. If he's obscenely rich and she's dirt poor, she's going to loose it (very great probability).
If they are generally of the same economic level, the only way he'd be able to take the child from her is if he can prove that she is a danger to the child, or that the child would fare better in his care.
Now, as for her being a sweet thing, take her aside and tell her she's going to have to alot. Use of protection, how to say "No" and enforce it, etc.

As for can she refuse the paternity test. She can try, but if he goes to court, she can't...unless she can essentially prove that she didn't sleep with anyone but him, she can't refuse it. However, there is a "plus" to it. If the test proves him the father, the courts will require him to pay support...even if he never sees the child ever again.

Answer 4

She can call or go up to the police station and tell them her situation,they can help her get a restraining order that will stay,if he comes within feet of it after it has been ordered then he will go to jail,no questions asked...she needs to also change her phone number as soon as possible. if anything have her record (with a handheld recorder) the phone conversation he has with her or any messages he leaves and have her play them for the police officer handling her situation..she can take him to court and also get a restraining order in some states,if not then she can collect money for harrassment and she needs to get child support from this guy. I would suggest she gives him no visitation rights even if they are accompanied by others...there was a story of a mother that had visitaion rights given to the father of her baby with the supervision of a case worker and the father murdered the case worker and they took off with the baby...this is serious and he is capable of anything,her and that baby will be better off without him in there lives...he will never accept this child,by the way he is acting...this is a violent person we are talking about..threatening her and that babys life is nothing to take lightley...go with her if u have to to the police station etc.

if the father requests a paternity test chances are she can refuse it in some circumstances but others she will have to,it really depends on who is doing it at the time....if she does do it,she can collect the child support and then get full custody rights,all she has to do is bring a the tape recorder of the conversation and/or u as a witness and he will not be able to get any rights to that baby..good luck with everything...

Answer 5

She needs document EVERYTHING -- every call, every threat, AND his abandoning her when she was pregnant.

She should call the police. Most likely they will do nothing now, unless she is in immediate danger. They may swing by his house and talk to him, though. Let him know there's a line and he'd better not cross it.
She should call them every time he threatens her. These calls go on record.

She should try to get a restraining order. She probably has to go to the courthouse for this. The police will know.
Then she can have him arrested if he violates it.
Even if they don't issue the order, it will be on record that she tried to get one.

Go ahead and submit to the paternity test. He can force the issue, but he'll have to pay, and it will cost him several hundred dollars.
And then what? I doubt that he will succeed in getting ANY kind of parental rights after he's threatened her with violence. That's why it's so important for her to write it all down.
I hope it all works out.

Answer 6

If he is making treats against her or the unborn child's lives, as long as she can prove it, they will give her a restraining order, tell her to call her local police stations none emergency number for assistance. Now if he wants her to get a Pat Test, let him, I had a very ugly divorce and he cried pat test and quickly changed his mind because they cost like $500 and they don't take insurance for that. Now I believe as long as she wants nothing to do with him and has NO plans on putting him on the Birth Certificate she can refuse the test, however she should consult a lawyer about that one. Consultations are free and they will answer questions as long as she makes it "sound" like she does want the services of a lawyer.

Answer 7

She can try and going to the prosecutor's office and file a complaint with them about him harassing and threatening her. Have her change her phone number. They can direct her on what she would need to do next. Yes being the father he can ask for a paternity test to be done.If she is receiving any kind of public assistance they will need to know about the father anyhow. He can't have the baby taken away from her, unless the state deems her unfit. He is just mad and talking crap! Yes he can request for a paternity test for child support purposes. Only the court can order for supervised visitation, if they find out that the baby is in an unsafe place.Good luck!

Answer 8

She needs to record conversations with him in the future, any threats of violence against herself or the baby need to be reported to the police. They will help her take the necessary steps to help her get a restraining order. If threats continue to be made against her in order to make her lose the baby, any visitations will be made mandatory supervised visitations. Yes, he can make her take a paternity test but......he will be expected to pay for any and all costs in order to receive that test. Paternity tests are not inexpensive so before he forces her to have to have the tests done he has to realize the cost... Tell her good luck, keep safe and keep a written log of everything and anything that is being done by him that may cause her to have problems.

Answer 9

If she goes to the police and report his verbal threats, the police should look into it. If she can somehow get him recorded saying the things he plans to do to her that is a plus. This would definitely put a damper on him trying to take the baby away from her. If he request a pat. test--by law he has the right to do that. If the baby is his he also has the right unless court ordered to have visitation with the baby--as long as he keeps current with child support payments and follow the visitation guidelines.
Hope this helped..

Answer 10

Wow, she sure has a lot on her plate right now! She needs to start documenting all of his calls and threats...this will help her w/the restraining order and custody (later).
As far as, a paternity test goes...it's not wise to refuse...she should let that take it's course and use the court system to help her w/supervised visitations. The child does not have a voice of it's own right now -- but down the road...will want to know who the father is -- regardless, if he's a good person or not.