My wife and I have been married for 6 years, but have been together for over 10 years. I relationship has always been awesome in every way possible. But, she always fantasized about doing a 3some with another guy. So, approx. a month ago, I became good friends with a guy I work with. Now, for the past 2 weekends, we have had a 3some with him.
I am feeling a long-list of emotions. I feel that during the intercourse, she is enjoying him more than me. She has become emotionally attached to him, which is really scaring me. She has admitted to the emotional attachment. I do not feel any jealousy during the intercourse, only afterwards when I think about what happened. And, to top things off, she is currently 2 months pregnant.
I am scared to death about the future, but I do not want to stop the threesome because it does make me happy in a weird way.
I am honestly mainly afraid of losing her and our relationship.
And, we do talk openly about it with one another.
PLEASE HELP!
2007-01-28 04:08:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Thats why you aren't supposed to do things like that.
You had alot of fun, fun that we all would like to have, but aren't as lucky as you.
but it creates problems, you should have brought in another girl instead, then you wouldn't have to worry about her going after another guy.
Better tell her it's time to stop and hope she doesn't see him on the side.
if she doesn't want to stop, then maybe you should bring up a 3some with another girl, maybe that will help her to want to stop unless she is into girls too.
2007-01-28 04:14:32 · answer #1 · answered by You may be right 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Finding another partner for her\you may do the trick! You love the sensation and the pleasure she receives, and of course you should worry a bit. Having a swinging relationship, or threesomes, must be talked over very well before you begin this lifestyle. Agreeing to make it an experience pleasure, and not emotionally attaching to others can be tricky if you have not discussed this first. Also, if you had trust issues before the threesome, this will be difficult, and maybe even disastrous later.
Here is what I would do. Find a local swingers club near your area. Talk about it together and exploring other threesome partners for her. Couples with this lifestyle are more common in your area than you may think. Try a new partner, and cut the emotional value. If she prefers going back to your original partner, there may be other issues then. Threesomes can be very addicting for both Men and Women.
And as always, use protection and make it a mandatory issue!!
2007-01-29 09:14:29 · answer #2 · answered by Tired of Users 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, there are some really mean, uneducated, ignorant, and judgmental responses here regarding your situation.
I understand what you are saying. When it is happening it's a huge rush. Then when it is all over your mind starts raising havoc with you. What should you do? Well, I'd stop for right now. Concentrate on your relationship and having this baby. During this time allot will straighten-out in your head and someday, after the baby is born and your life is back on a somewhat normal basis (which is said with some sarcasm since after having a kid no life is ever "normal" again. LOL), then you can revisit this.
When my wife and I first got into swinging it was somewhat the same. I loved when it was happening, but afterward I'd become freaked-out by it. Especially because it would seem my wife was becoming emotionally attached to the other guy. I remember obsessing about it to the point of checking her cell phone bill for calls to the other guy and getting pissed-off if she didn't answer the phone because I was just sure she was on the phone with "him". Sometimes I was right... most of the time I was wrong.
Was she becoming emotionally attached? Well, at first, yes. This was a big stretch for her. She had been raised in that female sexuality was perverse... "well, okay now that you're married you allowed to be a sl*t for your husband... but only him..." What a bunch of contrary brainwashing crap! Swinging was a huge step outside her comfort zone. Although we were both prepared for it to happen and wanted it to happen, this was one of the things that we didn't see happening afterward.
When it came right down to it, this emotional bond that she thought she had for him was a two-fold self-defense mechanism so that she didn't feel "dirty" or "sl*tty" because she had sex (and enjoyed it!) with someone besides me.
She'd been married before, and had lovers in the past... but she was always brainwashed that when you got married everyone else was suddenly supposed to no longer appeal to you and if they did you were "dirty" and "wrong" and a "sl*t". So she developed what she thought was "feelings" for this guy so that she could reconcile in her head having and enjoying sex with him... and his wife. ;-) It was a foursome, not a threesome our first time.
I noticed for the first year or so that this was the case with every couple we met. She would get "attached" to them. It wasn't until we both sat down and talked about this trend that we identified the issue I outlined above. Having "feelings" for them made it okay to "enjoy" sex with them while being married to me. See how screwed-up that is? Society has brainwashed people to believe that sex and love are the same thing... they so are not!
Second, this becoming "attached" to the other couple, especially the male, was because it was new and exciting. She was desirable to someone besides me. It made her feel really good about herself and gave her a huge self-esteem boost.
Well, as we became more and more experienced in the swinger lifestyle this attitude slowly started to fade away. The pendulum went from one extreme (sex is dirty) to the other (I'm a hot momma!) and centered where it should be... right in between where she, and we, have a very good handle on our relationship and our relationships with others.
Also, that first couple??? Many years later we are still great friends with them and even were the first people outside their family to be invited to see their first born child in the hospital.
So you see... it all worked out. I got over my insecurities, she got over her "naughty girl" issues (I like to think she is deliciously naughty ;-) ), and years later we are not only still happily married, we are totally in love with each other and we still swing on a regular basis.
For some more information, and a place I found years ago that helped me understand everything that was going on and running through my head, is The Swingers Board. Check-out the forums and you'll find lots of good discussions going on with people that have been, or are right now, exactly where you are at.
All you're getting here is people's uninformed opinions on something they know absolutely nothing about.
2007-01-28 09:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow well this is why i refuse to have a 3 some in my relationship i dont think i could handel it as well as you but if you are uncomfortable with the after affects and you told her how you feel have you told him? and if so how does he feel about this? i mean theres only so much you can take, if this was me and it was another girl involved me personally would tell her to stay away from my man and if she dares tries anything it would not be in her best interest. maybe you all could take a break from each other or just end it tell your wife how you feel about the emotional attachment to the other guy that your affraid she will leave you for him i hope everything works out for you and i helped you out a little bit
2007-01-28 04:22:46 · answer #4 · answered by ~Lisa~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should be done when your in college. I believe that when you get married it's because you plan to stay with that one person and "do" that one person. Now I'm also an open minded person and understand what you guys wanted to experiment, but it's o.k for one time to happen because you get to have the feeling. I suggest you stop and let her know that you did it once for her, but he is not married to you guys also. If you really don't want to stop the 3some then get a female to join with a strap on.
2007-01-28 04:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by PiZzA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's no easy way out of the mess you are in. I think you already know all the ins + outs of your situation.
It's true you'll never undo what has happened, but you can end it, and resolve not to fall into the same trap again.
And, you'd better move away. Get YOUR wife back.
2007-01-28 04:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by Jed 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about this. Maybe she is enjoying it with him because he is new and it is different with him. Have you ever thought of him bringing a female friend with him to keep you entertained while he is doing your wife? Maybe then you would understand some of the feelings your wife is going through.
2007-01-28 04:14:33 · answer #7 · answered by ~ â?¥ ~ Annette ~ â?¥ ~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too much is too bad. I suggest you to get out of this threesome as smoothly as possible and make it clear for her that, you dont like to loose her.
Relationship is more important than a desire which can be controlled.
2007-01-28 04:17:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
The moment she vocalized her wish to do a threesome, you should have divorced her!
Even now (while it seems somewhat late) you should immediately pay a visit to good lawyer and see what are your options.
In any case do not panic. Nothing terrible has happened.
2007-01-28 04:16:29 · answer #9 · answered by Leopold 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You know the story about Pandora's box ,well your now living it?
2015-08-14 11:42:30 · answer #10 · answered by Tom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋