I'm known this wonderful Friend, for a few Years.I'd like to get to know her, much better. Her Smile, is almost as beautiful as her compassson. But she's had a physically abusive relationship to get over. But that was over 5 Years ago. She's not opened her Heart to anyone, since then.Can I convince her that I'm not one of those?
2007-01-28 03:21:32 · 9 answers · asked by Goggles 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Just be the nice and wonderful friend you are being and you won't have to convince her - she'll see for herself. Battered women don't just get physically abused they are also mentally abused and some are at the point of being brainwashed. She is just leary of men and for a good reason.
2007-01-28 03:26:40 · answer #1 · answered by K-E-G 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When someone has been through something that traumatic, trust is a very hard thing to give to someone. Letting another person to get close is very difficult... if you really like her, let her be the leader, follow her boundaries, she will let you know when she feels "safe". Do not push!! She will only retreat...
This has nothing to do with how long it has been since the abusive relationship she had. It has everything to do with her healing. This will follow her throughout her life, but in different degrees.
If you are to be a long time friend...be aware that there may be some things that might make her "jumpy"... send her back to those times in her relationship for a few moments/hours... noises, sounds, smells.
It is all about being patient, empathetic with her...trauma is not an easy thing to recover from.
2007-01-28 12:40:43 · answer #2 · answered by running2adream 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just give her time i was in a abusive relationship for 7 years and now that i'm married to someone else it's hard to let go of the past . I was mentally abuse along with the physically all i can say it's gonna take a long time before she feels safe with you and not depenent on you. i still feel like my ex is gonna find me and my son being scared is one thing i can't control along with my heart if my hubby and i get in a little arugment it's like i'm a totaly differnt person that i don't understand. I contently have flash backs of things that have happen in the past to help her get though it just ask if she needs to talk tell her you won't judge her for the past or the things she choose to do then that doesn't define who she is now. It takes a strong person to get out of that and she should condiser herself lucky because most women don't get that far they end up six feet under or deformed in someway!! the one thing i can say about my hubby is that he understands what i have been though and he listens to me. she also may just ned to cry on your shoulder . ask her if she wants to take a boxing class with you do it together once she feels she has control over her own life again she will start to open to you!!!
2007-01-28 12:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
perhaps by becoming more aware of abuse and getting her involved as well in that. For example, tell her about the site http://www.ncadv.org and explore the site and discuss it together. Tell her you are glad that she is not one of those who continues to go back to her abuser. If she hasn't gotten past that after the 5 years, she may need counseling to get past that so you can urge her to get the counseling and offer to be a part of the process if she wants. you can tell her that if she doesn't get past that, the abuser has won since he is still controlling her life and preventing her from getting into another, better relationship.
2007-01-28 12:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only show her by not being the person she was with in the past. After those types of relationships it is very hard to trust any man. It is like you feel if you open you r heart that person will just rip it our of your body and hurt you again.
Just be a good friend, support her and let the relationship progress at its own level. Dont push things, like dont tell her she should be over it by now (we never fully get over it), make her feel appreciated and just support her thoughts and dreams.
It takes a while, but she will learn to love again. The physical pain she got over- the mental pain will take time to heal from.
I was in one for 8 years, got out and 2 years later found the man i am going to be married to (took 4.5 years, but i am there now!)
good luck!
2007-01-28 11:28:14 · answer #5 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Has she had counsling?
I agree with being her friend and show her. Battered woman hear it over and over how no one else is going to hit them, then they get hit again.
So be patient, and hang in there, and be someone she hasnt had before.
Good luck
2007-01-28 11:29:35 · answer #6 · answered by brytezes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like u need a weak girl in your life
2007-01-28 12:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by dustin k 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no one can tell you what to do,except yourself,open to her your heart and then she will open her heart to you.
2007-01-28 11:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by beauty girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well its tough. she might need to go through therapy first
2007-01-28 12:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by kyah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋