i just cant trust my husband?

Question

He rarley goes out with friends but when he does he come home LATE! 10 hours later and i am so upset he can tell me where he was and i still DO NOT believe him he has cheated on me before so in the back of my mind he could do it again. I sit and wait for him to get home at all hours of the night just to YELL at him but it only upsets me not him is it worth it to get mad about he is going to do what he wants anyway am i making it worst by arguing with him?

Answer 1

Making it worse? Naw, you ARE wasting energy and getting worked up for no purpose though. He'll cheat if he wants to cheat. If you can't trust him- divorce him. Without trust, a marriage isn't marriage, it's just silliness. I will say though, that a married person doesn't need to be out by themselves late- late being after bars close. Unless of course, you have libraries open all night in your area. I can't think of much of anything NOT bad that a married person is likely to be doing out until 3-4 am.

Answer 2

I am sorry to read that you are going through this.

I think you should try a different approach to confronting your husband. Maybe write him a letter without sounding angry, but still let him know how what he is doing is affecting you. Give him a chance to respond, do not interrupt him until he has made his point.

Part of the problem may be that because you have tolerated his behavior this long, he may be under the impression that you will continue to put up with him. If all he has to hear is 15 minutes of yelling then he may not be challenged to change his ways and start respecting you.

Have you ever considered giving him a taste of his own medicine? Start spending more time away from home and when he questions you, casually tell him that you were spending time with friends or whatever. Show him that you are not holding your breath waiting for him to get home.

The next thing to try is marriage counseling.



Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I understand your situation: Your husband has broken your trust by cheating and you are worried he might do the same again (with good reason). You let him go out with his friends but you cannot trust him to just go have a good time (because of the past). You sit at home in anticipation of his return (why?), he's gone and you know he could cheat so why stay at home and wonder and worry? You are a smart woman who is living on his existence, why not live for yourself are you that insecure? A word to the wise is sufficient, go out or go somewhere and don't worry about him; If he cheats again he's gone and you'll own half of everything (with the help of an attorney). You need to be more proactive of what you can do for you. If you think he's cheated again don't have sex with him, in fact I would think if you thought there may be a chance that he's doing something he shouldn't with other people then have no sex at all (and masturbate for your own needs). Good luck, I know it's hard but you are making it harder on yourself.

Answer 4

And you are staying with guy, why???? And you are yelling at him why??? If you suspect he is cheating, he undoubtedly is... once a cheater always one... if marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust, (the four biggies that define marriage....)the passion is gone with someone else, you have no trust in him, and the respect and admiration are in the toilet too.... hon, you don't even HAVE a marriage, you have a roommate and an occasional boinking buddy... why would anyone stay in a relationship that is not joyful??????.... beyond my reasoning. Every lady, and every guy deserves a faithful loving spouse, if they are married. Seek some professional help to figure out why your self esteem is so low that you are willing to settle for so little. If you and he figure your relationship is worth saving, both of you need some help in how to be a great spouse, each to the other.... learning to communicate without rage, (and hon, that is a learned skill that takes some counseling or reading.... 'cuz if you are yelling and screaming at him, this is not communicating without rage!!!!!!) kindnesses toward each other, and lovies, spending time together, concerts, plays, dinners with friends, and if you have children learning to provide a positive environment in which to raise them....

Answer 5

You say he rarely goes out, so it only makes sense that when he does go out it's for a long time like 10 hours. If it's rarely then, I don't think you have to worry about him cheating. You'd have to worry if it was more consistent. So, what he is doing right now isn't worth sitting up and waiting for him just to yell at him. You really should go out too, it will keep your mind off of your insecurities.

Answer 6

Go ahead and put out. If you meet his needs he will not have to look elsewhere(oversimplified). You are married to this guy so give him the benefit of the doubt. If the behavior persists well then its time to get to work. Does your husband own a mobile phone? Yes- check phone records and look for numbers you dont recognize and call em up. Husband out late again? Yes- call his friends and match stories. If you suspect your husband of cheating look for tell tale signs such as changes in behavior. It will be little things like better grooming; use of new cologne is a good example. Make sure you go through his things like briefcase or drawers as there are usually valuable tidbits of information like womens number written on random items like coctail napkins. This may sound nosy but guess what your married to a guy and you need to find out the truth until you are satisfied. Some people will tell you to talk to you guy but you know what if he;s too far gone he will lie until you show him evidence(like him on film with another lady). I hope that helps.

Answer 7

Has it ever occurred to you that you are suffering from jealousy and becoming bitter and twisted in the process. You suffered rejection from him and probably from years ago before you met him. Rejection is a terrible thing and results in many things, like fear, hopelessness, depression, jealousy, anger, distrust etc. the list goes on.

My advise to you is to buy a book called Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. In the book he says that God commands a man to love his wife and commands a wife to respect her husband and that means unconditionally. If neither does either the marriage goes into what he calls the crazy cycle and everything goes wrong. If one or both decide to change things and do what God commands, the crazy cycles begins to slow down and eventually disappears. However it requires commitment and accountability and determination. You have to choose this.

You have to learn to respect him and to trust him regardless of what your feelings and emotions are telling you. You see you are liveing by feelings and emotions and those things can play nasty games with one. You have to learn to override them and to operate positively and wisely, with understanding and no screaming and bad mouthing and ugliness at all. maybe this is why he is staying away. He cant stand your accusations and distrust. COntinue this way and you will be in a divorce court faster than you can imagine. Its time to turn and swim upstream instead of downstream. Walk away from the people who give you stupid advise. You have to do this for yourself.I did it and it made a great big difference to us. I know many others who have found his book made a huge difference in their lives too.

I sincerely hope you find peace again and get off the crazy cycle. I know only to well how you feel. I too went there so I can really speak from experience. It s all about growing up and being sensible and accountable and deeming others more important than oneself. Take your eyes off you and what you want and see what he needs and be that.

God bless you and I hope everything will come right. What choice are you going to make? This comes from my heart and I mean what I say, namely that I hope you choose the right thing.

Answer 8

If he is with friends he probably wasn't cheating but there may be something wrong with a relationship where he prefers his friends for 10 hours than you. the next time he does that, ask him if he wants a divorce to open a discussion between the two of you and ry to work something out that will keep you both happy or you will end up in divorce.

Answer 9

Why are you with this man.Trust is everything in a relationship/marriage.Without trust you have nothing.If he has cheated on you in the past then is it very likely that he is going to do it again.If you don't trust him then you need to get a divorce.You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and if he is going out and arguing with you then he does not respect you.You can change this situation why stay with him if you don't trust him and he upsets you so much.You know what you need to do and that is leave him.Good Luck.

Answer 10

Do not sit up just to yell at him and nag him.... Why dont you go out with your girlfriends at times and have fun.... You can ask him where he has been and who with and see what he says... Then you talk to the ones who he said he has been with and ask them the truth... If nothing else have him followed or hire a private detective... There are ways of finding out if he is being truthful and faithful or not. Yes you actually are making it worse on yourself and your marriage by arguing and yelling at him.. May i also suggest counseling for you and your marriage.