What advice would you give to someone who has no will power to change the miserable life they lead?

Question

I'm actually talking about my sister...

She is 28, healthy, lives on the dole has a part time cleaning job, 2 hours a day yet is alway complaining that she's tired or too busy to meet up... me and my other sister have given up on trying to help and are now becoming detached from her as we feel that we can't be around someone like that anymore... An example, she gave us presents from the pound shop at Christmas and said she was sorry she couldn't afford to give us something better..
It's not the fact that it was a cheap present, it's the fact that it was exactly the same last Christmas but she's not doing anything to change and just expects us to accept the way things are going... we worry that she is getting older and not securing her future and having to lie to my parents on the phone (they live far in another country) every time they ask how she is getting on is becoming quite a task...

Answer 1

she'll eventually find out when it's too late...

Answer 2

Point out all the good things about them. Sometimes, this kind of person has no will power because he/she is too busy focusing on the negatives. Enough to stop them from believing they can achieve eventual happiness.

Sit them down. Tell them all the good things you see about them, how good their life is, and how great a person they are. Encourage them to take charge of their own life. But don't just leave it at that, keep a constant flow of encouragement and try to help the person as much as you can (without neglecting yourself).

If the person is still depressed and won't change, refer them to a doctor. The problem may be deeper than simple apathy, the person may actually be clinically depressed and now know it.

Answer 3

The only people who have no power to change the circumstances of life are the dead. Having said that, people with paralyzing and crippling illnesses are fairly helpless, although they too can change their attitudes. People who refuse to change are a lot more common. Such a person may be terrorized into slavery, or may be hopelessly dependent upon a stronger figure who gives the dependent person at least some sense of direction. Drug addiction can also rob you of your desire to cope with life. In that case, the first thing to do is to get sober. But, really and truly, almost no one is totally helpless to change.

Answer 4

I would say give them no advice. If they don't wanna change, they're not going to no matter how much you talk. Instead, I would say focus on yourself, and whenever you're around her, make a special effort to be positive and act happy. Maybe she'll see that she can change, and her miserable life is all just about her attitude. However, keep in mind that there is a time to just back down and let her be miserable. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Honestly I hope this person isn't you! But my sister is going through the same thing. She is so stupid, for the way she is leading her life. She has a boyfriend who doesn't work, 2 kids and living at HIS parent's house, which is very small with 4 grown children, herself, her 2 kids and another set of grandchildren who live there. There isn't much you can say to a person who doesn't want to change. They are going to have to realize themselves that they need to change. All you can do is talk, but most likely they aren't going to listen. Good luck hun.

Answer 6

Hello!

About the question...every person from times to times gets depressed...and no one acts in a proper way every waking hour.

So if she is feeling depresssed...then you should accept your sister in the way she is....cuz it might happen to you one day and she we will be there for you.

Now you can't be too pushy, cuz she will try to push you away....just telll here that you are for her no matter what, and be prepared to share your precious time wit your sister.

I hope is just a phase.

good luck...and take care.

Answer 7

Learn to enjoy the life you have. Look for positives that can provide reward for you. Perhaps once you do that, your attitude will change and your life won't seem so miserable. The next best thing is to pretend that life is great, act on that pretense, and perhaps, at some point you will believe it.

Answer 8

Sounds like you guys both a bit old to worry what your parents think- try telling your mom what's going on- how often do you see her? If you're really concerned then get involved whether she likes it or not- just the annoyance of you interfering might be enough to shake her out of her depression.

Answer 9

I would direct that person to a mirror and point out that there lies the problem and the solution. No one can make your life a good one BUT YOU.

Blame no one for anything in your life. How you handle what life throws at you is completely up to YOU.

Answer 10

1. Did you give birth to this person? No?
2. Is this person your spouse? No?

Suggest going to the doctor. They might be depressed, or on prohibited substances, or very ill.
If you were not asked by this person for advice, butt out.

Answer 11

It's difficult to comment such question without havin a degree in psychology but I guess I would say something like that: "try to find something in yourself or surroundings that you honestly like and are proud of - it should lighten your life"