My partner & i seperated in October, we have an 11 month old baby together. I found out he was still taking cocaine & had debt of £20,000 that i knew nothing about. I couldn't handle it all & in the end we broke up. I still love him though & miss being a family and i just cant get over him. He was living at his parents but they had thrown him out (i'm not 100% sure why but i think it was to do with him taking drugs) and he started live with a 17 year old girl (he's 29 & i'm 22)and her parents. Last night we decided we were going to make another go of it but on the condition he leaves her house today. He agreed and promised faithfully he would leave today but today he is saying he wants to get his own flat & house before rushing into things. I agree that that would be ideal but i cant cope knowing he is living with this other girl when we want to be togther. What shall i do? If he really wanted me & our son wouldn't he risk everything to be with us?
2007-01-28 02:29:12 · 23 answers · asked by lubeymor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why on earth would you want him back? You had gotten yourself out of a huge mess and now you want to put you and your baby back into that? Read everything you wrote, he has an addiction, he is in debt,(could bring danger to you and the baby if not paid) and shacked up with a minor. He evens says he doesn't want to rush into things. I think you really only wanted him back because he had someone else. I don't mean to sound like a b--ch but I want you to open your eyes before you make the same mistake 2 times. This is your chance to see if he really has changed. Let him get his own place and keep a very close eye on him if you must, but I think he wants his own place so that he can do everything he is doing now and you won't know. THINK CAREFULLY, you could lose more than just him if you let him back in.
2007-01-28 02:46:49 · answer #1 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be firm on what you expect, he has to leave the girl immediately. And you also have to be sure if you want this kind of guy. No offense but thinking about it. Don't do it because you miss the family and because you're married to him. Think of the future, your baby and what is he capable in doing. If it happens again, and again, how many more time you can take? Forget about the promises, didn't he promise you many more before marriage and in the past? How many have come true? It's meant for long term, short term satisfaction normally leads to greater hurt in long run. Love yourself and give your baby a healthy family. You don't need a lousy stuff at home to make a family complete. Build your life on something more solid. Forget about him.
2007-01-28 10:42:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about him being with another little girl, I would be worried about him doing drugs around my baby. That is reason enough to end it with him.
If you want him back the condition should be to stop doing cocaine and start being a father.
The rest will fall in place as soon as he is off coke. The little 17 year old is probably doing it with him.
Plus I would be steaming mad that a guy at his age is even looking at a 17 year old, let alone living with her. That is against the law isn't it? Doesn't the girl need to be 18, an adult.
Where I come from that is called,"Statuary rape"
Good luck.
2007-01-28 10:39:25 · answer #3 · answered by brytezes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing you are not facing is that he also loves his drugs and needs or wants to keep on doing them. You are the grownup and you have not one but two children. I am sure that he loves you and your child but you are not going to let him do drugs around you and he knows in his heart that is wrong. The 17 year old is easy to fool and there is a big pound where that one came from. He needs help to face the real reason he is medicating himself. This is a case that you must use your love for him to set him straight and into a drug program of some kind. He has to earn his way back to you and all that you can give by get his life back away from drugs and the low life people that Sell them. You are better than that and it you who must stay strong. Lead with your head and not your heart.
2007-01-28 11:05:02 · answer #4 · answered by Dorothea B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK i don't fink he likes this gal the 17 year one he miss u guys but if u Kan put up with his drugs, i fink u Will b unhappy in long run as drugs Will always come 1st trust me, my ex was like this and it does and money matters get worse OK unless he get real help don't just tk him bk he got to work 4 it and he prob wont change get a new clean man to look after u and u son u son is number 1 not this guy u need to move on and b Happy Ur son Will pick up the vibes
2007-01-28 14:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants the freedom of a single man, knowing he can run back to you at anytime, why should he leave a 17 yr old girl??? he really is having his cake and eating it, did he ever really do anything with you and his son as a family, seems to me his drugs came before you and now some other girl, i can understand his addiction being the one driving force in his life, have you ever tried to encourage him to get help? Eventually he will realise he needs help but will it be too late?He will definitely reach a rock bottom at some stage but will it be too far away for you? In a nutshell, he needs to face his addiction, finally, how was he before the drugs started to take over?
2007-01-28 10:38:45 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Honesty ♥.•´ `*.¸ ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting his own place is an idea situation for him,he gets the 17 year old when ever and you when ever and nobody to bug him about his drugs.What drug addict wouldn't want that? Y ou need to weigh the pros and cons here please if not for you then think of your baby's future here. No matter what you think or how hard you try this man will not chance just because you want him to and it sounds like he is no where close to stopping what he is doing .Have you thought that maybe he doesn't want to stop what he's doing. Let me guess did he tell you he is going to stop and has he done anything to make you think other wise.It's a game they all play they tell you what you want to hear.And that is all it is a game.
2007-01-29 00:57:27 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once he is on drugs, all he wants is the drugs!! You can love someone but not be able to trust him or make a relationship work. Make him get off drugs and pay off the debt he owes first. If he loves you, he will do that but if you just take him back, nothing will change and in time you will split again anyhow when he is on drugs and steals from you to buy drugs.
2007-01-28 10:39:00 · answer #8 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babe you did the right thing the first time round. Don't go waste your time and jeopardize your future and that of your baby with that guy.
He's having it good just now. fed, clothed and not a worry in the world. Do you think he'd trade that for nappy changes; Sleepless nights, and a justifiably demanding young mum.
You are wasting your time.
Try and make a frest start for yourself and your daughter.
You love him more than he loves you and possibly himself.
Can you swear he's off drugs for a start?
And if he really loved you, he'd left the girl's house in a shot.
Don't waste more of your time on him. He's not worth it just now, if he ever will be.xx
2007-01-28 10:36:08 · answer #9 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u want the exact opposite of what this man is going to be able to give u. this man will never make your life better, he is way beneath u. wouldn't a marriage built on god's principals be better than a person living with a another girl, and doing coke? he lives with her because she allows him to do his drugs, and may even be a drug buddy, do u want to compromise your belief system and what u know is right and wrong to be with this man? what does that tell u when ones family doesn't even want them? if he wanted u nothing could keep him away, he is selfish and an addict, and if u choose to get involved here, its u who is going to suffer the consequences.
2007-01-28 11:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋