We abstained from it and were kinda anxious :) to finally make love. The thing is we've tried like at least 50 times, very slowly, faster, without lubrication, with lubrication, in at least 10 different positions, we basically spent our honeymoon in bed ;). What could it be ? It hurts her when I try harder and it even hurt me a few times, it feels like nothing's ever gonna go thru that. She also said about 4 yrs ago she tried using tampons but just couldn't fit one the pain was just too much. I really don't want to hurt her so I don't mind waiting for a while. Also, she is too embarassed to go see a doctor and honestly I'm also a little uncomfortable w/ that. Have any of you experienced this before? How did U solve the problem ?
2007-01-28 01:46:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
No, there's no religious stigma, we're very comfortable around each other, we've been sleeping in the same bed for over a year b4 (didn't engage in sex though) and she's not really too nervous, that's the thing, we're not really too worried about it, it's just curious why the thing didn't "break" so far :-\ My p3nis isnt' too big either so that is definetely not a reason :-\
2007-01-28 02:00:13 · update #1
First of all congratulations on getting married! :o)
It can hurt women to have sex - a lot of people will say that sex the first time will hurt and even a few times after, but for the most part it is myth.
It is amazing the number of girls and women who will perpetuate this myth, but in all fairness it is no surprise as so many people are ignorant about sex and the female body, and there are still a lot of taboos surrounding female sexuality and the female body that probably started off the ideas on anything to do with the genitals hurting – menstruation, child-birth, sex, none of these things need to be painful but people constantly tell girls and women that they are supposed to be painful.
People simply refuse to learn, or because they believe it will or should hurt they will think nothing of it if it does, some women will even carry on having sex just to let their partners enjoy sex. Pain is the body's way of telling you that something is wrong, sex should be pleasurable, if it is not then there is a problem and it is good that you care enough to be addressing that problem.
Sex can hurt normally due to a few common reasons;
-Hymen breaking – this can be painful, but it is just as likely to be pleasurable or have no feeling at all, a lot of girls hymens are broken before penetrative sex so this is not an issue for them. If her hymen is still in tact it may be that the hymen is too thick for penetration, in which case she would need to have it broken for her.
-Not being emotionally ready – a lot of girls and women convince themselves they are ready for sex when really they are not, if not ready they will not enjoy sex and it will make sex difficult. If a girl believes sex will be painful it will be painful because they will tense up making it hard for the vagina to stretch as it should. Although you are married she may still need some time to get used to the idea.
-Not being physically ready – only 30% of women orgasm from penetrative penis to vaginal sex, women's bodies simply are not made to be stimulated by penetration alone so need sex before penetration (i.e. foreplay) I order to make sure the vagina is lubricated enough, elongated enough, flexible enough and to make sure the clitoris is stimulated enough.
The above reasons for sex hurting can also be true for tampons, it may simply be that you are uncomfortable with your body or have something called vulvodynia that makes inserting anything into your vagina hurt, it can be purely psychological or it could be the sign of a medical problem - http://www.sexwithoutpain.com
One of the best articles on this ever written was by Scarleteen, the site is aimed at teen girls mostly however I know it helps a lot of women too, this article goes through in a simple and non-patronising way why sex could hurt and what to do about it, I seriously recommend you read through it - http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/owto... - From Ow! To Wow!
Chances are she could be looking at a case of vulvodynia, in which case she would need to talk to a doctor because no matter how you try it things are going to be difficult. If it is psychological then that will need to be addressed, if it is physical then it can be addressed fairly quickly – when it comes to female sexual health many doctors will take a 'wait and see' approach, but they are a lot more willing to help if you are married, so get her to her doctors and if she lets you go in with her for moral support and to insure something is done.
Be aware it may take some time, particularly if the reason is not physical but mental – for the time being there is nothing at all to say that you cannot have sex, sex is not just about putting a penis in a vagina, carry on with other forms of sex until such time when penetration can occur without causing her pain.
There is nothing at all to be embarrassed about when it comes to going to a doctor, it is a part of life and the body and if there is a problem then it needs to be addressed – remind her it is her health and your relationship that is being discussed here, also remind her she has to go for regular check-ups. Going to the doctors for a sexual or vaginal problem is no different to going to a doctor for a sore throat or an aching arm, it is part of the body and if it is causing her pain then there is a problem she cannot ignore.
Doctors are professionals and although I personally hate doctors for their general ignorance and attitude they are a necessary part of keeping ourselves healthy and when it comes to something like this a doctor is going to be the only way to resolve the problem.
I would also highly recommend you BOTH learn more about sex and female anatomy, do not think you know it all because I can assure you that an awful lot of people do not know all they should or even the basics – not meaning to sound offensive or patronising but it is an unfortunate fact, there is always more to learn and the more you know the more you can figure out what the problem is and pleasure each other (yes, I do also think women should learn about their partners bodies).
A few sites to check out;
http://www.the-clitoris.com
http://www.myvag.net
http://www.vaginaverite.com
http://www.yoni.com
http://www.vaginapagina.com
http://www.thebigvagina.com
Good luck!
2007-01-28 03:57:09 · answer #1 · answered by Kasha 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Assuming there’s no medical condition…
Lube, lube and more lube.
And make it good lube… some lubes go horribly sticky in a few minutes and act like glue. NOT the effect you want.
(Natural lubricants like Sylk are the best; http://www.sylk.com.au/ )
Start small.
Start with a finger. When she feels ready, add another finger.
(Her fingers are a far better starting point than your own as well. They’re probably smaller, plus she’ll have complete control and won’t wind up hurting herself.)
Don’t try harder.
Trying harder never solves anything in bed. If it doesn’t work when you’re both relaxed, it won’t work when one of you is even slightly anxious.
2007-01-28 02:35:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Waiting longer won't solve the problem of it hurting since she was a virgin. There are a couple of things that could be the problem.
1. She is extremely nervous and her muscles aren't loosening up. Try different things during the forplay. (Give her a sensual massage to loosen her muscles. Remind her that she needs to relax.)
2. There is actually a medical problem where the entrance to the cervix is too small. This can only be found out if she goes to a doctor. If she hasn't gone to a female doctor, I would talk to her about going. If she is nervous about going to see a gynocologist, let her know that there are usually female OB/GYN's available, or sometimes they allow RN's to do the initial visit. (I was extremely nervous the first time I went to one. Found I was more comfortable with a male doctor then female though.)
More then likely, she is just still extremely nervous. You are so used to not allowing it, that it becomes first nature for the body not to allow actions.
2007-01-28 02:01:16 · answer #3 · answered by cala 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You haven't mentioned what the results of fore-play were.
Gently enter one finger into her vagina. If that hurts or is uncomfortable maintain this until it isn't, then go onto 2 fingers until you have enlarged her. Encourage her to use a vibrator when you are not around. Remember that in the privacy of your own home nothing is barred as long as two people are willing. If this fails see a sex therapist. This is a Specialist area not a GP
2007-01-28 02:39:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Neither one of you should be embarrassed about seeing a dr. sex is a natural part of being married. She should schedule an appt with a gyn. for an examination also diagnose what could be causing the challenges you are having.The gyn can be very helpful in answering any and all questions you both may have. Remember you two are a couple now and this affects both of you. best wishes!
2007-01-28 01:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by lotusgoddess_1969 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were both virgins, congrats, what you two have is very rare. On the subject of him having a larger sex drive, thats nature. Men hit theyre peak at about 20, women a few years later
2016-03-29 06:14:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give it some time - shes' probably very nervous...why don't you start with some oral stimulation first. let her become naturally lubed up..The fact that the both of you remained virgins probably says that you come from religious backgrounds, and as a result, there might be some stigma attached to sex(like its bad)
2007-01-28 01:54:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Use a lot of lubrication and also try different kinds of lubrications.
Ff that dose not work i would deffinatly have her go see her obgyn.
They can help her and its not embarrasing. What is embarrasing is that you two are married and cant enjoy the perks!
2007-01-28 01:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by decorator101 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be that her hymen is too thick and she needs to have it broken by a doctor. It's not very common, but it does happen and it's nothing too serious. (You don't actually enter into her cervix that would be weird!) It could also be another more serious problem. I suggest she go to the gyno.
2007-01-28 02:23:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be trying too hard and she's nervous. Be gentle and remember it's all about expressing your love for each other. Not trying to achieve some goal.
2007-01-28 01:51:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋