I've been in a sexless marriage for 15 years. Each passing year I've tried to help my wife discover her desire. Some of you will make jokes about me and my looks and ability. For those who want to help ... I'm good looking, I'm well endowed, and Im unselfish in the bedroom. I know my way around too. That's what I don't understand. I have the ability to really make a woman say WOW! Yet my own wife could care less if she ever has sex again.
I'm pushing 40 and feel neglected. I know it sounds weird for a man to say this; but I'm too young to accept a sexless life. Recently a family female friend from high school who we've been friends with our entire marriage started emailing me with just simple hellos. Then we started talking about more serious subjects. Then one day she started on the subject of sex and she seemed to be testing the waters. She then sent XXX Ecards and I sent some back. She then sent naked pictures of herself. She now wants me to have an affair. She's gorgeous and I'm so confused. HELP!!!
2007-01-28 00:41:17 · 27 answers · asked by jennyboy1960 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow! I like your situation man. How I wish that girl sends her nude photos to me. Just kidding. I don't want to sound a hypocrite but you have to weigh so well first the situation. That woman is a sweet temptation. On the other hand, what a pity to be in the situation with your wife. how did the two of you ended up in the first place? does she loves you? is she in some sort of a psychological or physical problem? if she is, then she needs your faithfulness more. maybe you need to study what turns her on, women usually have some sort of a fuse box located somewhere in their body to arouse them. I'm talking of a good foreplay man... learn how to do that. arouse her, seduce her, and of course show to her that you are doing it because you love her and not that you are a sex maniac... got me? Go! Bonnée courage!
2007-01-28 01:05:01 · answer #1 · answered by ARNIWAY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, you're in some spot.
Looking at what you wrote, you are very close to the affair.
You asked for my advice, so I will freely give it. I say no. I think you will bring more hurt and pain into a troubled marriage than is worth the sex.
You will get caught, most men do. There will be a tell to your bride and she will pick up on it. A large portion of women will stay married once they find out about the affair, while men leave. If she agrees to take you back, she may forgive but she will never forget. You think it's hard to get her in the bed now, man that is a **** sandwich I want nothing of!
So what do you do? I say tell your wife that you need help that some of your needs are not being met. Seek help. If you have done all you can do, you may consider asking for a free pass. Explain you don't want a girl friend, you just want the benefits. I doubt she will agree to it.
So what then, If you have tried everything. Leave as you deserve to be happy. Wow, I can't believe I wrote that, but leave the marriage and find a new life.
whatever you do, I wish you the best.
2007-01-28 09:13:37 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE do not hurt your wife in such a way. Divorcing her or seperating is alot better than an affair. You will screw up her trust in any man otherwise. You need to discuss the problem with her, and how much it means to you. You need to ask her what gets her in the mood. Women need emotional security and romance to get horny. Dinner out of the house, a rose brought home for no reason, a sensual massage WITHOUT you asking for sex. If you bring up you are close to having an affair, say goodbye to sex forever. Trust me it is the most hurtful thing to say.
It is showing her after the 15yrs of love and support you'd give it all up for your penis. This other woman is bad news. She can't respect a marriage so she is nothing but trouble. You don't know if she will call your wife to cause mayhem and hurt your kids if you have them. Why not masturbate more often? Go to counselling and sort out the problems why there is no sex. Go see a GP together for any problems that may be affecting her libido. The grass isn't greener on the other side. Fix it with your wife first.
2007-01-28 09:35:01 · answer #3 · answered by BrutalNerd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your real question is whether or not you should leave your wife. If you've given 15 years to a completely unfixable relationship, you have been patient enough. Infidelity will not cure your problem, so rather than trying to slap a band-aid on a gaping, bleeding wound, why don't you sit down and figure out if you are ready to give up your marriage. You should (we all should) be free to pursue a happy life ---but hurting others in the process should not be part of the plan. If you really are ready to give up on your marriage, then move out, file divorce proceedings and clean up that mess before you entangle yourself in another one. Of course you are confused, someone is placing right in your lap, those wishes and desires you have. The easy way would be to take advantage of the situation now, and try to figure how to sort it all out later. You will pay later emotionally for a bad decision you make right now. What I have said is not the easiest to follow, and ultimately the choice is up to you, but I would give a few minutes of thought to what that woman friend is asking you to do. She's asking you to compromise yourself, your marriage, and your wife --- and she knows full well what a confused state you are in. Better to make a decision about your life (stay married or not) and then make a move ---you'll thank yourself for this.
2007-01-28 10:01:09 · answer #4 · answered by XOXOXOXO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough call.
It's better to tell your wife - look we've tried everything for 15 years (it's been 12 for me and I'm ending mine, too) - this is going nowhere - sex is still extremely important to me, even if you think that idea is juvenile. I 've got to have sex, and have it with someone I am intimate with in all phases of my life. That's supposed to be you but it's been 15 years -- that's 5,475 days of no sex. So I haven't cheated on you but I think we need to end this marriage. I can't have everything else and then have no sex. For most people, it's a basic human need. Yes, need. Most humans have an active sex drive that *must* be dealt with. So instead of going behind your back, I am telling you right now we have to end this. This is how I would want to be treated if the tables were reversed. Sign these papers and we're free to live our separate lives."
Plop the divorce papers on the table and hand her a pen.
She signs, then go f*ck your new pal's brains out.
But don't go behind her back. It's beneath you, even though I understand how strong our sex drive is. If you had the low sex drive you wouldn't want her coming home with some other
guy's j i z z in her and when you kiss her you taste another man's dick. Wrong wrong wrong. So don't do it to her.
Plus the other woman will respect you for waiting and not cheating. Tell her straight out 'I want to screw your brains out but let's wait 2 weeks until the divorce is final.' That way your relationship with her won't be based on a lie so if it does start to go somewhere, she can trust you. Although she approached you and sent you nude photos knowing you were married so I wouldn't trust her much. I hope it turns out!
2007-01-28 09:39:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR!!! You need to face reality, not run from it. Noone can survive a sexless marriage, you shouldn't have to. Talk frankly with your wife about your desires, let her know your needs are not being met and this will potentially end your marriage. If she's not a sexual person, chances are this may never improve to your favor. You need to seriously consider if it's time to end your relationship, just do NOT make the alternate choice of having an affair.
2007-01-28 09:23:10 · answer #6 · answered by Perplexed 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought out all the consequences? Have you mentioned your desire to have sex with your wife? Have you brought up the idea of having an affair to her? I mean a man does have a natural need for release...You've heard the term use it or loose it? Studies have shown that men who do not ejaculate often or ever have a higher risk of prostate cancer.
Discuss the idea with your wife first, then go from there.
I can tell you that the orgasm and the attention only last for the moment, but the guilty feeling continues on and on and on.
For some the desire for sexual attention is worth it, for others its not.
2007-01-28 09:04:07 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't go there. Affairs at this late date will only serve to ruin you financially. Divorce first if you must, but don't do the affair. Your wife doesn't deserve that pain.
You could do what i did, i went bought some restraints and sex toys and such and actually restrained my wife in several positions and then banged her ruthlessly even used toys and vibes on her, it brought a wildness out of her i'd never seen and she began begging for more.
That was after 6 years of absolutely no sex. We are now basically having sex 5-6 times a week.
2007-01-28 09:15:46 · answer #8 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for wanting sex in your marriage. I don't fault you for being frustrated with your wife due to lack of sex. I was where you are some 15 years ago myself, and like you, did without. The only problem I have is with you wanting to have an affair. Please don't do that! Get a divorce from your wife, and have all the sex your body can stand....but not while married. My wife had an affair on me, and it hurts more than anything you can ever imagine. Nothing wrong with desiring sex...just don't have an affair to get it!
2007-01-28 09:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is Satan trying to set up a trap for you which will go nowhere except on a downward spiral.
You need to cut off all contact with this woman. Sounds like she doesn't respect herself and your marriage. She must have deep serious issues to pursue a married man. Is that someone you really want to get involved with? I guarantee you if you start an affair with this woman, you will destroy your life, not to mention your wife.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Be careful what you wish for.
I don't know the circumstances behind your wife not wanting to have sex. I do know one thing....the more you push her to have sex, the more she is going to back off. You need to romance her and make her feel good about herself, before she will want to give you sex. Check out this free ebook I found that tells you what romantic things you can do.
http://www.howtohavecharm.com/101romanticideas.html
2007-01-28 09:04:14 · answer #10 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋