An old girlfriend did find me on the Classmates.com. Now I also have been trying to find this person but was not able to. (I did search for all old friends, not just old girlfriends since I got on this computer). Now I am happily married and live good. It is hitting me hard to see this old friend again and I write more to her than she does to me. She also says that she is in a 4 year affair now. Should I just calm down about this and just wait for her to write to me instead of me writing to her every chance I get? Now, I do not wish to have an affair with her, just to see how this person is doing now. It has been 30 years since we were together or seen eachother. I just like it now that I know this person is alive and well. Advice Please!
2007-01-28 00:32:20 · 9 answers · asked by ? 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Now the only reason I mention what is happening in these two friends lives right now is so you can give me a good answer, not that I am afraid an affair may happen!
2007-01-28 00:51:16 · update #1
These answers are giving me good thoughts. Thank you!!
2007-01-28 03:58:27 · update #2
coming from a similar situation, here's my personal advice. Several years ago, I met up with my high school sweetheart. He is married with an adorable little girl. I was divorced with a son in tow. For a couple weeks after meeting him again, I kept thinking of all the good times we had together, and how happy I had been back then. I got wrapped up in the past and was not looking at now. I had to seperate myself from the situation for a bit and realize what was going on. I started from scratch and got to know him again. He was not anything like the guy I had dated way back when, he was a man, a father and a husband now. I respected that. I realized how much I had also changed. We are friends now and are comfortable with our friendship. We have no feelings of regret, or what could have or should have been. If it has been 30 years since knowing this person, do not expect them to be the same person. You certainly are not the same. If you are happily married, then concentrate on that, don't get wrapped up in this old friend's life. Let her make her own decisions, write to her only when she responds to your letters. Know that you have a good life with your wife, and be a good friend when the time comes.
2007-01-28 00:40:06 · answer #1 · answered by mercymarie3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just calm down and exchange emails with her in the same way you would with any other friend. Most of us are excited to meet people from our past but don't let it become an obsession for you.
P.S.: Are you absolutely sure there isn't a sexual attraction in this? Otherwise why would you insist that you are happily married and she is in a 4 year affair? Why tell us you don't want an affair with her? That wouldn't have entered my mind if you hadn't mentioned it.... Just something you should consider.
2007-01-28 00:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by Great Dane 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know she is alive and well to begin with...lol. Don't write too often. Let her write also to keep in touch. Be friends from a distance. Don't make efforts to meet her or be with her or see her. I know curiosity gets the better of most people and you want to feel what you felt before. But better not to do such a thing when you say you are happily married. She is not the only friend from the past that you have.
2007-01-28 00:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by happykat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love your wife, and do not want to split up with her, then keep it as harmless flirting. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you feel guilty then you're cheating. If you're obsessing over this woman then either go and meet her (you'll probably find she's not as hot as you remember) or give it up as a bad habit. If you're going to leave the wife anyway, do you really want to get with someone who admits she's cheating on someone (or sleeping with a married man)? Good luck!
2007-01-28 00:40:11 · answer #4 · answered by splat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to calm down and see what happens. You will scare her off if u dont give her a chance.be glad that u have found her again and take what comes from that. put the offer out there to meet up and accept whatever her response is. whether its the one u want to hear or not
2007-01-28 00:43:58 · answer #5 · answered by cat 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
calm down.. lol i dont see a problem contacting someone just be very careful not to let old feeling get in your way.. just chit chatting is one thing but if you feel this is going somewhere you think it shouldnt best to back off. unless you are willing to lose everything you have built in the last 30 yrs.. you have to think with your head and not your heart when it comes to things like this.. good luck.
2007-01-28 00:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by Kat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to remain happily married, stop communicating with the old girlfriend. You're already making it an issue of her writing to you. Stop now and concentrate on your wife.
2007-01-28 00:42:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you are moving a bit too fast for a married man, how would you like your wife to do what you are doing? You made contact so leave it alone. concentrate on your marriage.
2007-01-28 01:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
slow down....don't be so eager...you will scare her away from even friendship....good luck
2007-01-28 00:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋