We have been involved off and on for 2 years. We have tried to let each other go, but it never works.
I moved in with him 3 months ago. He spends nights with his wife and other nights with me. She is suspicious that I am here and he has been deceiving her into thinking I'm not.
He told me that she wanted to come by his apartment to see if I am here. We talked about it and both agreed that we are not ready for a confrontation with his wife. He asked me "as a friend" what he should do. I told him he should let me go and try to work things out with her. He said he's not sure they have a chance but he would like things to go back to how they were before me. He said maybe I should "hide out" for a few days so she could come by and not see me. He said he will try to keep her away, but if she pushes him then he will have to confess.
I started crying and I as I walked out of the room he said "don't think I'm telling you to leave, I'm not." So what was he saying?
2007-01-28 00:24:39 · 26 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's saying... "I'm a lying...cheating, self-centered... *ssh*le..."He's also saying ..."Since your obviously clueless and would do anything for the 'bones' I throw you once in a while... why don't you help me decieve the woman I really love."
Here's the thing... he just provided you a good opportunity to walk away and NOT look back... He's cheating with you... do you think you are EVER going to be able to trust him out of your sight? that is if a miracle happens and this spinelss jack*ss actually decides to leave his wife for you???
It's time for you to walk away sweetie... sure it's going to hurt for a while... and while you are trying to get over him you need to understand where you're fear of commitment is coming from... You absolutely deserve to be happy... but you'll never be as the "other" woman... You don't love this guy... you love the fact that he's NOT around you every day... you LOVE that he's never going to ask you to marry him... You deserve sooo much more... walk away and find someone who CAN, and Will be able to devote his life to your happiness...
2007-01-28 00:42:05 · answer #1 · answered by alex b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was saying he wanted you to leave. He just did not want a confrontation. He is married. He says he wishes things would go back to the way they were before he met you. What he is doing is making sure he is never without a woman in his bed and to take care of him. That is fine if that is all you want from him. You and his wife are neither of you getting all that you should in this relationship. But he is. If I were you, I would move out and get my own place. Tell him he must make a choice. He must choose one of you and let the other go so she can find someone who is willing to give his all to the relationship. You should not have to hide in your own home. It is your home too. You should not have to be a secret if he loves you. And you should not have to settle for whatever is left over from his other life. Why are you?
2007-01-28 00:52:27 · answer #2 · answered by sageivyberyl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel very sorry for you that you have such low self esteem that you would allow yourself to be used by this man.He is using you in the worst way, he is not your friend at all, a friend would not allow another friend to be treated this way and certainly wouldn't be a party to hurting her.Only you can change this, you have to learn to value yourself.See a counsellor, find somewhere else to live and get yourself sorted out. Close the door on this jerk and move on, you deserve better, but while you lay down and be a doormat you will be treated as one. He has what he wants ,sex at the drop of a hat with 2 women and excitement on which he thrives. You are the other woman and will cop most of the flak when the s..t inevitably hits the fan and are left emotionally scarred as well. Don't think for one second that when you aren't there he won't already have someone else lined up to replace you. Stand up for yourself this is a mistake move on get help and forget him you deserve better than this shambles you call a life at the moment.Don't let him have his cake and eat it to at your expense!
2007-01-28 00:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by jacqui w 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you are really hurting, but I know a friend of mine who had the same situation for 20 years both were married to other people, and had children with their marriage partners. I don't know if you are married, he is married, but if he want's you he has to make a decision know and end things with his wife, you do not want to be second best. If he keeps you on the side you will still be unhappied. You need to be happy in a relationship with someone who wants only you, no if's or what's. You have to look after yourself. I know you love this man, if he can't make up his mind go. Get a happy live with someone you can love too. It's hard, but it will happen, keep hope. Good luck.
2007-01-28 00:36:10 · answer #4 · answered by chez006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him his marriage will never be the same as it was before you. He made that decision to cheat on his wife, the course of that relationship has changed forever. Though it may not be for her, it has for him...it will never be the same. His mind and his heart have been altered forever...whether good or bad does not matter.
I'm sorry but your fella is an idiot...how old is he? Does not know that every action creates an opposite or equal reaction? There is a screw loose upstairs or something, because his logic and failure to understand what almost every adult and a fair mount of teens already know. Fantasy land isn't real, life choices sometimes create consequences.
Unfortunately, you care for someone who has got themselves into an F'd up situation...and you are baring the brunt of it. For your own sanity get out until he decides what he wants; you or her....he can't have both...unless everyone involved is in agreement.
Quite frankly, in my opinion he's a spineless, gutless man. Sounds as though he's scared to make a choice. I have no respect for folks who are indecisive...even more so for folks who's indecisiveness hurts others. Its very selfish.
2007-01-28 00:57:08 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see you like suffering and that's good for suffering eventually brings obedience.You are living with a man who is cheating and lying to the woman he promised to honor.What kind of man does that? A greedy and selfish one that's who.His greed and lust are so selfish he's bought you into the adulterous circle of sin.You will never be happy with him for he's selfish and greedy and if he'll lie and cheat on one wife,he certainly will treat you the same.Please stop thinking he's with you because he just loves you so much that he can't live with out you because you and I know that's not true or he'd have left her by now.You are interfering in another woman's marriage and what goes around comes back around and one day you will love and lose like you are helping to do to this woman.How can you like your self knowing that she is being fooled and hurt ?When your time comes and it will and you are walking in her shoes you will remember and know how she feels.God is funny like that,making sure we take responsibility for our actions.
2007-01-28 00:35:52 · answer #6 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is saying he wants both you and her. He wants you to hide out until he can get his relaitonship with his wife stable, and then things will be back to usual. You need to pack you things and go. Don't tell him where you are going. Change your phone number. Completely sever your contact with this looser. You don't have a future together. He is stealing your youth. Your chance to find that someone special and create your own family.
2007-01-28 00:45:55 · answer #7 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave run don't look back.You can do alot better this guy is playing you and playing you hard.Hey he has your permission to sleep with his wife now how and they are not living together now how many of your girlfriends do that for there men and what kind of advice would you give them if it were happening to them?Move on and find someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.Good Luck
2007-01-28 00:34:38 · answer #8 · answered by sparky75us 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's asking you to leave. I'm not going to be the one to tell you that you shouldn't be with a married man in the first place (other people on this site will), & i'm sure you already know that. For your own sake, LEAVE HIM. He won't stay with you so why should you waste time with someone who has no serious plans for you. You're there for his convenience. Find someone who actually enjoys staying with you because they want to, not because they're hiding from their spouse.
2007-01-28 00:32:49 · answer #9 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he wants you to make the decision to go so he doesn't have to make himself look bad to you or his wife. I'd leave and not look back. You don't want a married man you want a man that is all yours and won't ask you to do silly things like this.
2007-01-28 00:34:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋