is this really mariage?

Question

my husband and i are married now for 17 years the problem is that now he has chosen to live in his working or where he does business while the children and i stay in another country when he comes to visit us he only stays 2 to 3 months he says its better for the children to be in his country of origin and have better education am i his kids keeper or wife whose being deprived of womanhood desires

Answer 1

Not at all. Not in America anyway.

god bless.

Answer 2

Let me break it to you, since I know where you're coming from. This woman I know is married to a man who has another wife in Yemen. He has five kids with his other wife, but he has left her in the other country while he runs his business over in America. That's how it works out. He doesn't care about your womanhood desires, but he makes sure to fulfill his when he comes to visit. You have become his kid's keeper, which to him means the same thing as "wife." And I'm sure he says that he's doing you the favor, trying to be the man and support his family. Ideally, that's not what a marriage is, but realistically, in this culture, that's what marriage has become. You can either continue living with it, or you can release yourself from it. It's difficult, especially when the culture prohibits the idea and you would probably become somewhat of an outcast socially. But it's been 17 years. Your kids aren't in diapers anymore. It's time for what you want now.

Answer 3

- think the key is do you love him and does he love you. If you both love each other then you can make the marriage work. I think your husband is just trying to do what he feels is best for the children. Are the schools where you live better than where he is? You didn't say what country he works in, is it safe there? Is he trying to protect you by keeping you where you are? It sounds to me like he may have some good reasons for you all to stay behind while he works where he does, but I would suggest talking to him. I don't think any advice you get on-line or from others will be useful to you because we don't know all the details and it is easy for us to say "no, leave him" or "he is cheating"....but what do we know? TALK TO HIM. Explain to him that you feel like your marriage may be in trouble. Tell him you are miserable without him there. What man would not want to know he is loved and missed? I hope you all can work things out. All marriages go through good and bad times.... sometimes we get the struggles to endure to strengthen our marriage. I hope that your situation improves and either he can find a new job, closer to home OR you can move to where he is. Whatever happens, love and communication are key. I hope this helps you in some way sweetie.

Answer 4

You really haven't given us enough information here....like where are YOU and where is HE? (what countries?) And exactly what is this job? I do know that many men in the U.S. can get high paying government jobs with good benefits in other countries. Not only is the pay really good, but anything $80,000 and under is tax free! Most of these overseas jobs don't allow the family to live there with the husband. This is why they give them such liberal vacation breaks.

There are also many military families who have to live like this. Part of being a military wife is knowing that her husband will be gone alot. She focuses on her home, her career and her children, and is happy when he can join them. It's a way of life, but it's not for everyone.

You need to sit down and communicate your feelings to your husband. It's not fair to assume that he's involved in nothing more than working hard to provide for his family, but you BOTH should agree to this life-style, NOT just one of you. If he refuses to change jobs in order to stay home with his family, then it may be wise to rethink your marriage. There's no law that says you have to stay in a dysfunctional situation. You can divorce him and move on with your life....that is, IF you have the "freedom" to do so.

Answer 5

It doesn't matter what any one else thinks of your marriage. Every marriage is different and everyone has a different idea of how a marriage should be run. I see my husband for three days every three months. It is not ideal but it works for us most of the time. What do you think of your marriage? Is this working for you? If not, then you need to do something about it. Either change it in order for it to work for both of you or walk away from it. It has to be a mutually satisfying marriage for it to work for you, your husband and your children. I will tell you this: If you are miserable then so are your children. If your husband will not or can not make the changes you need him to in order for you and your children to be happy too then you need to decide if you are willing to put yourself and your children through the misery of staying. If he is willing to make the changes rather then lose you then give him a chance to try. I wish you good luck and happiness with your final decision.

Answer 6

It is a marriage, but it does not seem to be satisfactory for you. You have, however been together for 17 years and have children. You are pretty much the childrens' keeper, but they are also your children. If he provides for you and you are comfortable with that, you are really just lonely. Some people feel this way when their spouse lives with them.
A frank discussion with your husband about how you feel could help. At least it would clear the air.

Answer 7

NO! H e has chosen to put his work before his family and you are allowing him to do so. You still have your womanhood desires that is why you ask this question. You want to know what you can do. I would present the facts to him. That is you and your children want to be there in America with him. That it is better there with him. If not then you must act. Do what is in your heart. It must be so to save the family. Remember God comes first then family then work. He has his priorities mixed up and you must point this out to him. Then if he does not see the light you must take action to save yourself and family.

Answer 8

my question is there love among the both of yous?
If so how can he bear leaving yous behind and is there trust among the both of yous.where is the kids father figure how can you be sure that what he said he doing is being done with no sercets.sorry i don't mean to trouble or worry your mind. Is this a army family we speak about?
It's hard to answer your question without knowing more about the matter,but right now it's seem that you may be slippingfrom his grasp and he may lose you or the other way around.I say this because you asked that question.Hmmm!!

Answer 9

I think your husband has someone else in his life. Your human too, how can he just ignore you for the excuse of ur children? He should talk about it and come to a justifiable conclusion. He doesnt need you as a wife it seems to me!

Answer 10

I believe it takes two to make a marriage and it is not a one way street...it may even seem to this particualar wife that it would be not much of a difference if they were not married...taking all into concideration...this is not a marriage if both parties are not happy and fullfilled...Life is too short...and we only live once...

Answer 11

will this be a long term things. If so, he would have to plan for the family to move over. If he is not planning too, guess you should know better. like many of them say. He is doing something behind your back. Wish you the best. !!