how can i get my 14 year old son to start listening to me ?

Question

my 14 year old son always has to argue with me when i want to talk to him about seriouse subjects!!
how do i get him to stop shouting and listen to me?

please help

Answer 1

I've got the same problem. . .So far what has worked. . .
When I tell him to do something and he starts to argue, I tell him he either does what I ask or he loses something (I-pod, Computer), that usually works with a lot of grumbling along the way. When we have serious stuff to talk about and he starts yelling, I have to admit that I yell back and tell him to keep quiet until I'm done that he can have a turn.

Answer 2

My brother never listens to my mum and just plays on his computer all day. Whenver they 'talk' it just spirals into a argument and my mum ends up shouting loudly at him. I have to go in and tell the both to shut up and then they don't speak of the subject again.
Even if he's shouting at you pretend he's not and say what you want to say. When he's stopped shouting say something like 'thank you' and walk away. He maybe a bit confused at you reaction and care about what he didn't hear.

Answer 3

Ask yourself this question - Do you listen to him or you only want him to listen to you?Are you sure you and your son listen to each other?What happens with all the words you use?Wouldn't your teenager be more friendly and sociable if he felt he is being listened to and taken seriously?
When a parent asks me that question "Why doesn't my teenager listen to me?" I always ask back "Did you set him an example of what listening means?"In other words "Do you listen to him?"
There are 6 barriers in front of listening to each other:
1.You try to correct things in order to look like a good parents instead of listening to the teenager while he is trying to think over the problem.
2.You try to convince your teenager to renounce his feelings and thoughts and to replace them with "the right ones"(with yours).
3.You defend yourself while explaining your point of view.
4.You interrupt your teenager in order to lecture him and explain him which are the real values in life.
5.Accept very personally everything which your teenager says and you let your own unsolved problems be obstacles for conversation.
6.You use what your teenager has shared with you to punish,criticize, offend and moralize him.

If you change the letters in the word LISTEN you will receive SILENT.Be silent while you are listening because you are not able to listen and talk in one moment.

Use the advice for effective listening:
1.No lecturing (precepts)
2.Express yourself shorter and kinder
3.Sincerely share everything
4.Compromise
5.Don't talk with your teenager haughtily and arrogantly
6.Listen to him and don't argue
7.Don't repeat something which you have already said
8.If your teenager shows the courage to confess his mistakes don't get angry and don't overreact
9.Let the 20 questions on duty pass
10.When you call him from another room don't expect him to trot to you
11.Don't try to provoke his sense of guilt by saying "I did it because you didn't find the time to do it"
12.Don't promise to do anything you can't do
13.Don't compare your teenager with brothers/ sisters/ cousins/etc.

Buy the book "Positive Discipline for Teenagers" by Jane Nelsen and learn something about parenting.Here is the website where you can even ask a questions and read about other books on positive discipline - http://positivediscipline.com/

Answer 4

Do the "This isnt a discussion - I DO NOT want to hear your opinions - just listen and do!" Walk away when you have said your piece and dont be drawn into an argument. Say what it is you want to say and leave him to think. Good Luck - a tricky age. Dont bend - do it consistently. Shouldnt take long...:)

Answer 5

"How can i get my 14 year old son to start listening to me ?" Wait until he is 21.

Answer 6

LOL Ive got a 16.5 year old son doing the same thing. It'll pass.

Answer 7

You need to earn his respect.