i am 45 and she is 34. What to to do?

Question

i know that we have a big age difference. It doesnt matter to her and neither to me.
Will there be a problem in long term? How should i adjust myself to her more fashionate ideas and react accordingly not to make her feel that i am old?

Answer 1

I have a larger age difference than you do with my wife. We have been very happy for 5 years. Age is number. If you are compatible don't sweat it! If you both are OK with it, its fine. Really, it will be fine! Just be yourself!

Answer 2

Noone can know what will happen in the long term. adjusting is something that you will have to do over time. Maybe you are attempting to get serious too quickly. I am 36 and have had relationships with a similar age difference. I do not see that as a problem at all. Only you can decide how "old you feel". In this case since you are dating someone a few years younger, it looks like you are young at heart. I see that as a good quality. I met a woman who is 26 just 8 days ago. We have a lot in common and I like her alot already. We both have no qualms regarding the age difference. In fact, it does not seem to be a factor. Age is just a number we are labeled with. Put aside the numbers and concentrate on feelings and hobbies. Show interest in her fashionable ideas and roll with them. You may find that you like the same ideas as she has and that is exactly why you are together. Step back and make comparisons regarding your similar interests. How long has this relationship been going on? A friend asked me a question when I was 20 that I will never forget..."If you could marry any girl today who would it be?" I replied by saying a mae of a particular girl I only talked to a few times. He then asked,"Why her, you never even went on one date and don't know her very well." My response was, "How much DO I have to know about a person before I decide I want to spend my life with them." He agreed that it was a good point. The relation I am showing here is that if you are with her now and things are working out, continue to learn more as time goes on. If you are meant to be together then it shall be. No number(age) will ever tell what people should do with feelings for eachother. Adjusting to her ideas will come with time. I hope this helps with your questions.

Answer 3

if it is of no concern to either of the two of you, then i dont understand why you seem so unsure of what or how to 'act'. there must be something involved that has you concerned now to some extent even if it is a small concern. a person cant love you for who you are, if you have to be something else. what could you adjust? i had a long term relationship with a man that was 44 and i was 27. our maturity level and communication was about equal, we had the same interests, enjoyed each other,and were very sexually compatible but the problem was, he couldnt be honest with me. seems he had 'adjusted' too. and that is probably the reason why we are no longer together. i loved him the way he was, but he tried to be someone he wasnt (in the same ways that i understand you are questioning) and when he would get a little alcohol in his system the truth of his fears would surface and he would accuse me of wanting a younger man. he was wrong. i wanted him. but the fear and insecurity made him drink more often, and frequency of the drinking ran me off. he should of given it a chance. he still wants me even though we have been apart for over 13 years and both been married to other people. but i dont want to constantly be grilled or controlled because he has so much fear that i will want someone else. try to relax. let her love you the way you are. she may be like i was and grew up very quickly. give it a chance with you being you. talk to her about this issue.

Answer 4

I'm 20 and I am dating a guy who's 36. When we first started dating I was so concerned with little things. It wasn't the age difference that bothered me it was the possibility that we would both be too different being so far apart. But when you really stop
to think about it you could have differences with anyone. Everybody is different and has different personalities. You could have just as many if not more differences than someone who is only a few months younger than you. My advice is to not worry about the long term or about reacting how you think she would want you to. Be open and honest and give it a try. I'm so happy that I did. Good luck!

Answer 5

The age difference shouldn't mater because 34 is mature enough and 45 isn't old. Just be happy in your relationship and don't worry about stuff that doesn't matter. She obviously likes you fine the way you are or she wouldn't be with you.

And just because a woman wants a man with a good job doesn't mean she expects to be supported. We just want someone who can pull his own weight and take care of any potential children we may have.

Answer 6

It is a big age difference especially as the man is older. You have to think of the long term issue, like widowhood and that you will start aging soon but she will still look young. After 50 years of age there is per-se more women and under 50 per-se there is more men, so you should not have any trouble meeting an older women, or a woman your age, and she should not have any trouble meeting a younger man.
I personally don't think this relationship will last, try and encourage her to find someone her own age. You don't have lots of money do you? younger women are always interested in older men if they have a lot money. If you marry a woman your own age you will know that she loves you, and she is not after what you have, and she is more likely to be faithful to you, and you will have far less worries. You are obviously concerned about this issue because you would not have put it on Yahoo questions, so it is a concern to you, and it will become more of an issue as you get older.

Answer 7

Ah, you are not THAT much older than her. As a female, I can tell you that once you are past your 20's and well into your 30's the age difference between 30-something and 40-something starts to narrow and you start to become more like-minded. Women start to become more "settled" as they get older. Who cares if her ideas are different than yours? So what? Even people the same age have varying degrees of tastes, viewpoints, ideas, values, hobbies etc. If you both get along and are happy, and the age doesn't bother you, then relax and be happy! The world could use more happy couples! Best wishes to you both! (P.S. - I'm 45, happily engaged, but I have always found older men to be far more appealing).

Answer 8

That is not an age difference, it is a mind set difference.
Ten years is nothing, but if you feel that you are old, don't take the chance of being younger again.
You might have to abide by a little differ ant culture, but 45 is young!
I dated a 24 yo when I was 48.
I'm 65 now and would easily hook up with a woman in her forties.

Answer 9

It's really not a big age difference. Maybe15 years ago it would have been. But now both of your should be mature adults. You don't have to adjust yourself to her more fashionable ideas unless you are open to it. You might even have fun with it. If you are not comfortable with changing something about yourself, don't do it. She'll still like ya!

Answer 10

I read you question and laugh. I am 40 my husband is 50..soon 51. Dont' even think about it. If you are happy and she's happy..that's the bottom line. Adjust nothing, change nothing. She loves you because you are you. We have been happy for 9 years. This too was our question at the beginning but now we see how foollish it was to even give it 5 min of thought.

Answer 11

Perhaps the best approach to maintaining a happy and enduring relationship within age gap situations involves listening to your partner's desires and needs, expressing your own needs and finding a healthy, livable balance between the two. Don't be afraid to get creative. Don't leave adventure out of the question. If you and your partner truly share a deep love for one another, with great communication and a little bit of compromise, the rest should fall securely into place.