is it possible to have that feeling once more?

Question

am happily married to my high school sweetheart. we love each other very much.
but i miss that feeling you know, when you firts start going out, the butterflies, the sweaty hands, the passion over all. i remember that with just his touch, i would get excited. after almost 9 years later and 2 kids, its not the same. he doesnt excite me anymore.
i think am too young to have this sort of problem, am 24.
during sex, it hurts cause i dont get well lubricated. i want those feelings back!!! is it possible???

Answer 1

There are lubrication products that you can use to help your dryness problem. But to get the butterflies and that "brand new" feeling back, you have to have an affair.

Answer 2

This is a long response, but it took me a while to answer so I hope that you read it *blushes*

You are 24. It is possibly that your hormones are wacky - go to your doctor and get a blood test. It is also possible that you are deficient in vitamins, your thyroid is low, you are dehydrated, etc. But...as I'm sure you know, women have finicky bodies, and changes are that it is purely on a psychological level. We need our fantasies. We need or build-up, intimacy, excitement, and need to find new ways to be stimulated otherwise it doesn't work. If you can fix the psychological components of your difficulties, the lubrication will very likely follow. If not, use lube.

The passion....that feeling is always possible. You had it once before, but your love has evolved to that familiar comfortable love (but sadly does not create the butterflies). The key is to step outside of that comfort zone a little. Do something a little bold, a little more risky, a little more sexy -have someone babysit and go on a date together. Have sex somewhere daring, unusual (even a cheap hotel would be nice), go on a day trip somewhere, pick an odd position, try role playing (such as pretending that you don't know each other and picking each other up at a bar), surprise him with sexy lingere, make love for hours with a good hour of just touching and admiring each other in a non-sexual mannor and stare into each other's eyes without talking - close your eyes and smell each other - feel his sweat, his heartbeat , paint each other naked, try out for classes together (such as cooking, acting, dancing, karma sutra). You two will feed off of each other's energy and the newness of it all, and you will likely find that the passion was never lost - just set aside as you delt with the many wonderful things which you share together.

You're probably just really tired (kids will do that to you), and you have started to take each other fore-granted. It'll happen from time to time, and it can last for years if you don't put that extra effort in to make the relationship special. Remember to just spend that extra few minutes to give a massage, make tea, rub him down in the bath, buy him something small that he'd like - just the little things. If you do it for him chances are that he'll realize that he can also take the time to appreciate you just a little more.

Answer 3

To have the exact feelings you had as a teen? Probably not...

To have better feelings? Yes...

It's very common for romance to take a back seat to routine responsibilities like kids, meals, bills, pets, work, home, etc... Compounding this problem is the fact that we become so used to our spouse, that we can easily take them for granted without realizing it.

First thing is to realize that true love is a verb, not a feeling. That enfatuation you felt as a teen was great, but just because it went away, doesn't make your marriage or partner any less special. True love starts with you and the actions you take towards your spouse. It can be a big hug, kiss and "I Love You" when he gets home. It can be tickets to his favorite sporting event or car show. It can even be a nice unexpected 30-minute back rub. These will all be like fuel for the romantic fires.

Next, make your marriage and romance a priority. Call the babysitter or grandparents to watch the kids, take vacation from work, leave the cell phones at home or turn them off and spend a weekend at a hotel or resort somewhere. Don't plan anything where there is a rush or where time is a factor. You need time alone to focus on each other. Do this 2 or 3 times a year and see what happens.

Last, when you do have romantic time alone, just because you're a little older now doesn't mean you can't "make out" like you used to. Slow kissing, dates in the car at a romantic overlook, lots of foreplay are as effective now, especially when approached slowly as they were when you were younger.

If there is something your husband does that turns you off, let him know lovingly. Is he too quick in the sack? Does he have a body odor problem? Has he gained weight or lost hair? Try to ignore the superficial things he and you cannot change, but don't be afraid to talk about the things you can.

A good book on the subject is: The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, probably available at your local library for free. Check it out, stay in love, stay faithful and stay married...

Answer 4

What is happening to you is... life. Probably you are both tired at the end of the day, you've been together for a long time, and you are not 16 anymore. First, think of the good things that you have NOW in your marriage (the friendship, the companionship), all that is great. Second, you could make the effort to bring back some of that passion. You both could. Go somewhere. A weekend for just the two of you, if it's possible go to a warm and sunny place (will raise your endorphins). Also tell your husband that you need more foreplay.

Answer 5

Absolutely,
What you need to do is abstain for a period of time and get back into the passion and the sort of lovemaking that often got you on heat. That long kissing session, cuddling handholding and those furtive looks across the room . All that goes out the door after a time when familiarity clciks in. The ineviatble is an expectation and often men forget that romance, and fore play is just as important after marriage as before. Don't just submit! make him work for it and take care of your needs before his own.

Try setting up a babysit night , hot bath with rosepetals and candleight dinner, mutual skin massage with scented or lickable oils but delay sex as the last straw. A womans sex organ is not just between her legs or on her chest. Its her mind and the total area of skin over her body. Refrain from touching him and tease him like you only know how.

Dysparunia ( painful sex is a total turn off, as is Ky jelly) is not the way to keep your lovemaking pleasant and exciting.

Change it today! Change his approach, or find a new lover that is more sensitive to yortu needs.

Answer 6

Anything is possible. If you start acting like you remember how you felt with all the butterflies etc. the feelings will be there. We let our lives overtake our loving feeling for our spouses. Just sit and remember what it was like when you were dating and couldn't wait to see your sweetie and then when he comes home at nite, give him and big smoochie and tell him how much you love him and all the feelings on both sides will be there. Take time to enjoy each other again. You have not lost it - it is still there - you just have to take time to find it again.

Answer 7

Correction: You are no longer 'happily' married to your sweetheart. What you enjoyed at the start of that relationship was infatuation, a feeling that brings people together. This is referred to as 'immature' love. After that phase, what takes over is 'mature' love in which mutual respect, concern for the needs of the other over your own, and an innate desire to become involved in the next generation.This is why people have children; it's not hat they've planned or logically considered it but rather the existence of hormones, oxytocin for females and vasopressin for men, make this seem natural. At 24, you haven't entered that phase of life, and by being too young to have these hormones, you aren't emotionally inclined to permanently cohabitate. You will therefore leave your present mate searching for that feeling you had in the begining of the relationship; which can only be experienced by starting another new relationship. You were just trying to settle down before our body was ready. This is why most young people don't stay together. Good Luck

Answer 8

unhappy to assert .... all marriages go by ability of that area ... the position it turns into "hum drum" and worry-free ... you've only lost that loving feeling ... no longer that you do not love him anymore yet you do not have that butterfly feeling ... it is said as erogos love .. the single which attracted you to him interior the start ... it is the first degree of love convinced, you'll get it lower back ....yet more desirable than that you'll boost to the Agape Love you should locate what suitable you 2 interior the first position ... little jokes you've jointly ... a pitcher of wine and dinner with song per chance a bubble bathtub with candles ..only a tenet you've your human being selection .. a nite out recapurting the particular issues that you've jointly .... each and everything starts interior the tips .... so reassess what you're wondering about ... positioned on song that makes your juices bypass again ... imagine those ideas that turn you on about him .... convinced, 24 years previous is too youthful so that you'll dry up .... so get your ideas interior the right area and it is going to all come lower back jointly ...

Answer 9

yes,,to put it simply....it takes work, and most of all communication between you both.Have you told him what you've told us? If not,why not? Having kids can put a damper on things but it dosen't have to,, quality is... make a date night once a week or once a month, quantity is not important,quality is. Tell him some of your fantasies..making love where you may be spotted, making love all over the house, whatever it is, use a lot of candles, dress for sex. no bra,no panties and go to dinner, noone will know but the two of you and believe me, he won't be able to wait to get you home...hope this helps,my wife and I have been married for 40 years and are in our mid to late 50s..try it!

Answer 10

I think it must be possible, but you have to want it. Try and spice it up at bit. Excite yourself. Try new things. Talk about it with your husband and see if there are things that he wants to do, tell him your deepest dreams and play them out. Go away for a weekend together.

i know those feelings you miss, but the new feelings that replace them are meant to go so much deeper and you're meant to be more forfilled. Explore each other again. Learn the new and imporved husband and wife you've become.

Answer 11

yes, you can get your passion back into your marriage, but you have to work to do so.

first step....when all the butterflies were going on...and sweaty hands....how did you treat each other??? i bet a lot different than you do now....when you take each other for granted passion will fade...think about how you felt then, and what made you feel that way.

put the kids to bed or get a sitter and sit down and really talk to your husband. look into his eyes, touch him when he speaks...be absorbed in him only....do not let anything take your attention away. tell him how you miss your feelings of excitement...how special you used to feel...

everyday life gets in the way sometimes...don't let it. maybe your husband feels the same way...treat each other special and the feelings will come back.