rules for perenting....i recently took in my nephew and he is 12 years old..the tricky part is i am 19..?

Question

him,<12 my boyfriend,< 24 and i are going to be moving into our own place soon and i was wondering what rules or boundries other parents use and it effectivly works....bedtimes, sleep overs, rules....it was very unexpected and i know i can do it, i love my nephew and would do anything to make sure he is taken care of properly disregaurding my own age or our conflicts....it is because of investigations i have him to begin with, and it sounds like it wil become permanant...any help would be appriciated

ive been babysitting his sister and him for years now, like 4-5 years,....his mom was an alcoholic and very verbally abusive,...he is very independant and likes to ask lots of questions...he listens well, reserved somewhat as far as acting out and stuff...hes active in sports like fishing and basketball and i think he is secretly excited about moving in with us. he's already asked my BF when we are moving...i appreciate all of the answers you have givin and hope you dont think yahoo answers will be the only place i ask...i will be getting him into counciling as well as classes for myself

Answer 1

hmm... Well, I'm 13 so... In my experience, (I don't know about other people) But if I'm over at somebody's house other than my parent's then I am generally fairly complient. I can't say how I would act if I was going to live with somebody else but... If he wants to go to a sleepover, then you should let him, but only if you know and trust the parents, and know that they will watch him. Ok, next thing. Don't listen to all the junk that older people put out about how kids can't be your friend, etc. Don't lock him into an airtight room, show that you trust him to do the right thing, but don't be lax in your somewhat parental duties. He will still look at you and your boyfriend as role models in a sense. If his parents weren't all that great then he will probably respect you all the more. A good bedtime for the teen years is about
10:00, though I have stealthily squeezed my time up to 10:30.. lol, anyway, you should respect his privacy and make sure that he respects your's. If he wants to invite somebody over or go to somebody's house, then you should talk to the parents of the other child if you don't already know them. If there are chores to do around your house, (dishes, laundry) then it would be best if at least two of the three of you worked on it. (You, your boyfriend/you, 12 year old/boyfriend, 12 year old) And if the sister is in on this too, then I guess your getting the picture... School wise, you should ask him if he needs help with his homework, and remind him to do it.. I always forget.. Luckily I keep credit with my teachers.. lol.. If he asks for a cell phone, make sure that he understands how much it costs to use it, tell him not to run up a text message bill and set him loose. I know a kid in the high school who ran up a $1000 bill on text messages... I don't text message though... It's useless, I mean, just CALL THE PERSON! lol, anyway, don't ever let him skip school and if possible, take him to school yourself. Buses are a bad idea in my opinion. I think if you are responsible enough to care this much about him, then you should be able to figure out the rest as it goes along, and if not, your boyfriend is there for you! Good luck.
Alex

Answer 2

This is definately something you should research. You're still very young yourself and are still growing as a person. But I understand your situation and you will need all the help you can get. Make sure you and your boyfriend act almost as parents to him. Work together and make sure you both agree on rules for him in your home. He may feel more like you are a friend rather than a guardian, you being so close in age, so he may rebel against you or feel you hold no authority over him like a biological parent who might be generations older.

Take parenting classes, look up on the internet some classes that you and your boyfriend can take in your area. The three of you should talk to some kind of councilor and make sure you are really ready to handle this. It's a huge step and it may get to be alot harder than you think.

As far as your question goes for boundries or rules that are effective, it really depends on your nephew. He's twelve and may be used to a certain way of living already and he may already have a structure that he's used to that may be hard to break. 12 year olds generally want to be independant and want to be grown up.. they're preteens and this is the age where the begin to rebel. it's a milestone age, and he may be able to have a later bedtime than kids. Say 10:00.

Talk to other parents in your area as well, maybe even your parents if they are willing to help. If he gives you problems, let them know and ask them how you should handle it. Just remember, to him, you are probably still a kid yourself, he may be less likely to look at you as a parental figure.

Good luck!

Answer 3

This is an easy question... Think back to your childhood and the rules that you had, or the rules that you didn't have.... Then think about the ones that were worth it and had good reason for being and then think about those stupid ones that still irk the crap outta ya. Then you will know what rules will work best for you and your nephew....

Best of luck, hold your ground cause im sure that there will be things that you 2 dont agree on but dont give in unless theres good reason because he will walk all over you if you do

Answer 4

Wow!!! Sounds like you are taking on a big responsibility. That is commendable on your part. I would sit down with your nephew and talk to him. Tell him what you want, what the rules are, you can make some rules together if you want. It is easier if you tell him up front what you want. Instead of waiting until something happens and then discuss it. I guess some of the stuff you are asking depends on the maturity of the 12 year old. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

These are all in my own opinion. I have two kids both girls and one is 14 and one is 16.
At 12 I didn't give them a bedtime, they just were reminded that they have school the next day. Sleepovers, in my house, are only on weekends and not when they have school the next day. I only allow three friends to avoid conflict and so that you don't have to worry as much. My kids have to get above a C and I go over their homework every night. If you need anymore info just email me sometime at [e-mail]

Answer 6

You need to set boundaries of what is acceptable behavior otherwise he will rung wrings around you.You also need to establish bedtime rules.Your nephew is still growing and needs a certain amount of sleep.Ensure he learns about treating people with courtesy and respect. I am sure that you will do a fantastic job.Your nephew will be going through puberty. We at Yahoo Answers will gladly offer you support.I know I do.

Answer 7

ok first things 1st how bout no bed time jus tell them they hav to wake up to the alarm the next day sleep overs hmmm...ok about 5 to 6 ppl and prefably no girls if his sis is not there (u noe y rite..)n rules do ur homework n dont fail ur exams thats all n try ur hardest to get an A .and as a motivation u can make a chart where when he does gd stuff u give him point and when he reaches a certain amount ,u reward him with something he likes so long as its not above say 15 bucks?

Answer 8

Things like bed time are not important for his safety, so let him decide and learn to live with the consequences. Things like curfew, who can be over the house when you are not home, where he may go alone or with friends, etc. should be discussed and agreed upon by both of you as should consequences. If the state is involved, his social worker can offer specific help and guidance on a continuing basis.

Answer 9

Find out what sort of parenting classes are available for situations like yours, and go for it. Libraries and school counselors might be able to get you in the right direction. Your nephew is lucky in the sense that you are there for him. Many blessings for all of you.

Answer 10

Wow, huge responsibility. You are going to need some help besides YAHOO! ANSWERS. You're very sincere and brave and I hope everything goes well. Take care.