14 year old help?

Question

I have a fourteen year old girl and I need help. Her father died about 4 years ago and she barely ever cried and I think that she is finally ready to cry. She is pretty normal, kind, opinionated, loving, and fun she hasn't showed any sign of depression. I think she is ready to cry because she is a writer and all of her stories and poems lately are just about death. How would you confront her about this

Answer 1

When my mom passed I also wrote peoms involving death, I dont know how hers are but mine were so graphic that my dad and gramma got me counseling for fear of me harming my self.
The counsler told them to let me release this way but to also let me know that I still had people that cared for me, I was a young teen as well and am now 35 married w/4 beautiful kids and having good life i dont write like that anymore. so just be there for when she needs you and dont stop her from venting. Also the counseling thing may help.

Answer 2

Me and your daughter are pretty close in age, and I'm also a writer. I'd say to encourage her to write. Like, when I get home from a bad day at school, i might cry (I'm not a crier either, especially in front of people) but then I'll open up one of my notebooks and write a story or a poem , or maybe listen to music or go play the piano. This is like an outlet. Having all that stuff in there isn't good. She's not a crier, or maybe she is but you don't know. (I don't like my mom to see me cry) I have never been in this situation before but as i said, encourage her to write and unless she says you can, it's not a good idea to read her poems. It might be different in your household, but my notebooks are like my diary and when I read my stories i can remember exactly how i felt and why on what date. Her writing is a good thing, encourage it.

God bless

Answer 3

I would have to say that all of the answers given so far are very good. Your daughter is perfectly normal and writing is a great way to release negative and overwhelming emotions. As a writer of macabre stories and poems myself I can relate to your talented little girl. The one thing that I will say is that if her writings become increasingly dark to the point of gore or bad taste then counseling should be sought out. Many of us are fascinated with death and dark writings. It doesn't mean that we are depressed or strange. She just is more comfortable writing about dark themes rather than her school crush or fields full of sunflowers. The fact that she doesn't cry much is evident to the fact that her pain is being released and expressed on paper rather than with tears. I have been that way all my life. Her tears are in her stories, so you would be wise to encourage her work and not expect her to grieve in more conventional ways. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

personally i dont think its because shes ready to cry. i lost my brother 6 years ago and my dad two years ago after my brothers death i was more interested in death, dead people, stuff like that. after losing them i didnt cry or really show any emotions i would sometimes cry at night when i was by myself, maybe thats what your daughter has been doing instead of breaking down in front of other people. but if shes writing out people killing themselves or dieing pain full, horrible deaths then you might want to confront her. im 15 which is around her age

Answer 5

She does not want to reminded about her fathers death.Each person needs to deal with their grief in their own time..Maybe your daughter is expressing her grief through writing which is a good outlet.If necessary talk to a grief counsellor about her behavior.She may need grief counselling which may benefit her.My mother passed on last year and I have had grief counselling and it does help.It takes at least a year to deal with grief and there are different stages to go through.She probably has not wanted to deal with it.4 years is a long time and if she has not dealt with it then counselling might be the way to go because she will suffer from depression.

Answer 6

As a fourteen year old myself, she is expressing her emotions and maybe you could dig out some pictures of her dad and tell her good stories about him.
It might be she has been reminded of him, like a project on your dad's job at school or something. You can only be there for her when she needs you.
Maybe if her dad's grave is close you could ask her if she wants to take some flowers to his grave on her own to meet him and she can feel close to him.

Answer 7

Don't confront her at all. She is 14 one reason her stories and poems are about death is because she is in puberty and many girls get this way, that is why more girls than guys become "goth" during their early teen years It is simply the "dark side" showing it's face. Please don't "confront" your daughter she is entitled to have her own feelings.

Answer 8

Be ready to listen and wait. She probably justs wants to speak but she doesn't want to at the same time. She wants to stay strong, so she will have trouble talking about it at first. Expect some emotional blows. Just be there to listen when she is ready.

Answer 9

Do not question her about her feelings on this. Reassure her that you are there if she wants to talk about anything. I have two nieces that lost their dad..my brother a few years ago and we have not pushed them because we know that when it happens they will come to you. She does not want to be reminded of something that she knows is real. Give her time and support her. Good Luck!

Answer 10

i am sure she did cried when you did't notice I am 16 and my mom died less then a year ago and my dad thinks that i haven't cried yet but i did cried my self to sleep the first two nights and no one knows abought it and their still are times that i want to cried but I haven't cried since then.