Hey my boyfriend just said something so disturbing about my baby?

Question

I said something like, "yah well you never really know when you are going to have a baby, ya know" And he said no he didnt and I said "well what if I got pregnant?" (were sexually active- so it IS a possibility, ya know) And he said "well im not having a baby if Im not ready, you would put it up for adoption" and I said "well what if I wanted to keep it" and he said "than i would leave" and I said he would be a deadbeat dad? And he said ya and that hed sue me so I wouldnt be able to keep the child because he wouldnt be ready and wouldnt support him/her/or me. This was really disturbing and totally not like him, hes usually so nice and caring and talks about having kids with me all the time. If hes not ready hes not having it? This really disturbed me! I cant stop thinking about it/

Answer 1

Put your mind at ease....

First of all, if you are sexually active with this man, you might want to reconsider that right now. Obviously this man is not going to be supportive of you or your child if you were to become pregnant. His words attest to that.

Secondly, you do not have to put your child up for adoption if you choose not to. It's YOUR child, so you have a say in what happens.

He cannot "sue" you and have the courts remove the child from you. Totally impossible!! He would have to prove you as an unfit mother and that is extremely hard to prove. If he were to leave you due to you being pregnant, that is abandonment. You can petition the courts for at least temporary relief ( support ). And later, the courts could order that to be permanent. That means he would have to pay you child support, even if he was not married to you. If he were not to pay the court ordered support, chances are he would receive an "Order to Show Cause", which means he would be brought in front of a judge to explain why he is not paying his support. Then the judge would decide what to do. They could do a number of things.... They could garnish his wages. They could make him pay his back support on the spot, if he does not produce, he can sit in jail and think about it for awhile, thus getting even further behind in what he would owe you. You would also receive full custody, usually, of the child, in which you could dictate any visitations by the father, etc.

Each state has different laws, but generally that's how it works.

But I want to assure you, he cannot take your child. He would have to pay you support. And if he did not, he would answer to the courts. So don't worry!

My suggestion to you is, kick this guy to the curb. He made it plain and clear how much he stands by you, and how much he would stand by you in more difficult times. If a man would do this also to a child, that reinforces what I just said even more. Would this be fair to an infant child? Think about it!

You need to find yourself a responsible adult to be with. This guy is a child in a man's body. Send him packing, it's the best thing to do.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

What is disturbing about this question is that you are sexually active with a guy that would make you give the baby up for adoption. Use birth control so you will not have to go through an unwanted pregnancy with him. He has shown you he is in no way wanting to have children with you or anyone else for that matter. Children that come into this world need their parents and hopefully their parents will be married and can take care of them financially. They deserve it, as they do not ask to be born and on welfare and not knowing who or where their father is. I do not think you are ready to be a mother either.

Answer 3

What does he mean by he would sue you so u couldn't keep the baby if HE wasn't ready? That doesn't make a lot of sense. IF you do get pregnant and decide to keep it (not give it up for adoption) then he has no option but to support your child or go to jail. That is the law. If he is willing to do the deed he should be willing to take responsibility that is IF u get pregnant but I think I would reevaluate your relationship personally...If he is willing to leave u for wanting to keep your baby he is not on the same page as you and I think u should cut him loose. Good Luck hope it all works out.

Answer 4

He WOULD have some financial responsibility for the child, and he cannot sue you or force you to place the child for adoption. HOWEVER: your situation sounds like one in which making an adoption plan might be the best option. He's obviously not ready for parenthood, and you sound like you are not either. The best thing is to take proper steps to prevent an inconvenient pregnancy. You are right to be disturbed--about a lot of things.

Answer 5

Ok sweetheart... I hate to say this but you might want to think about leaving this relationship, or at least talking to him very seriously about the issue. As you said, since you are sexaully active, pregnancy is always a risk. If he is not ready for that, or can not handle that, then you probably need to reevaulate the relationship! I totally understand you being disturbed by the conversation, I would probably even feel kind of hurt. But you either need to talk to him about it, stop having sex to eliminate the problem, or end the relationship. Good luck!

Answer 6

First of all he couldn't sue you to terminate the pregnancy and he can't make you give it up for adoption. Sounds like he was just being irritable, but use extra protection until you straighten it out with him. You may even bring up the fact with him that he is usually okay about the idea and what made him change his mind. Keep the communication up, I'm sure you don't want to be a single mom!

Answer 7

definitely stop having sex. no birth ctrl method is 100% except abstinence. not the pill, not the shot, not condoms. next time he is in the mood, turn him down and if he asks why let him know, while u are not planning to have kids, it could happen as long as u are sexually active, and you would never put him in that position. i take it this wont go over so well so ultimately, i would dump him. what a jerk.

its fine and dandy (and smart!!) to not want to have kids but certain responsibilites come along with sexual activity and he doesnt seem to be ready.

Answer 8

I think it's time to leave him. I'm a guy and I know what I'm talking about: sex is a driving instinct. It can turn us into the nicest people on Earth (like your boyfriend is nice right now) or vicious monsters, fighting over a mate, just like our relatives in the animal kingdom. The moment it got real (baby talk) to him, he had no problem voicing his objection: he's with you to have sex and will leave you if you 'tarnish' yourself with a baby. I say dump him and find someone who's sincere in his emotions towards you, not someone who's only in it for sex. Incidentally, you run a high chance of ruining your life and your baby's life if you have one with a boyfriend. The best is to have a planned baby, i.e. to get married, discuss it with your husband and then have one. Don't have a baby just because your maternal instinct starts playing with your mind. Don't be rash. Many lives were wasted that way. Make it planned, discussed and thoroughly thought out. Good luck.

Answer 9

It's actually a serious and important issue. Especially if you want kids right now. If you would want to keep the child, that's enough of a values difference that you really might want to terminate the relationship. That's not to say he's wrong for feeling that way. It's just saying that you have a fundamental disagreement in a very core area.

Answer 10

Go with your gut! The father of my adult children said something disturbing too. When I was pregnant, he said he hoped for a girl because he'd enjoy the incest, and I thought it was a sick joke because he was high on drugs at the time. Well, he really did do it, again being high on drugs, and it just made me absolutely sick to think I slept with a man who is capable of doing such a thing. If your boyfriend says things like that even jokingly, he is capable of acting out what he says. Do NOT have a baby with him, for God's sake.