Does it really matters if we lie or not? Real Question. Think Deep.?

Question

Please answer this question with some thought and insight. Ever since I was a little kid, my parents always told me to tell the truth and honesty is the best policy, such and such. But as I get older, I see there is not much use in telling people the truth. Truth hurts and life is too short to be hurt for things that should or could be avoided. As you know, there is no Good or Evil, there is only action and reaction, and it is thus a value judgment of an action to be good or bad.

So my question is, should I spend my life telling people what they want to hear and let them figure out life's mysteries themselves? I mean I will not lie to harm but to let them hear what they want to hear.

Example:

Girl ask:: Should I leave my boyfriend?

You: Well...let me ask you this question. Do you still love him?

Girl: Yes I still do, very much so.

You: Well there you go. You have answered your own question.

***

Deep inside, she don't want a logical answer, just assurance.

Answer 1

Telling the truth is good. But sometimes telling the truth can hurt a person, and then iit's better to avoid telling the truth, but also to avoid lying.

For example, if someone is grossly fat, you wouldn't walk up to the peson and say (at least I hope you wouldn't), "You are fat." That is, you would not want to volunteer a statement like that out of the blue.

However, if the grossly fat person asked you, "Do you think I'm fat?" you need to be tactful, and I think you have provided a really good way of being tactful in the way you gave the example above with the girl who asks, "Should I leave my boyfriend?" You answered her with a searching question, "Do you still love him?" She replied she did, and your response, "Well there you go. You have answered your own question" shows tact and allows her to decide for herself how valuable the relationship is.

That could be taken a step further by asking, "Do you believe your boyfriend loves you?" If she says, "Yes," then you need go no further. If she says, "No," you could ask another searching question, "How do you feel about loving somebody who doesn't love you?" She will have her answer, unless she is totally blinded by her feelings.

Using that approach to someone who asks, "Do you think I am fat?" you could answer with, "Why do you ask?" The reply might be, "Well some people have told me I am fat."
You could reply with, "What do you think about what they said?" or: "Were any of these people qualified medical specialists?" or: "Your doctor would the one person qualified to tell you."

I know that a lot of people with really big egos like to have their egos stroked with positive comments, even if those comments are out-and-out lies. But lies are worthless and empty. To be told, "You're the best" when the speaker doesn't think you're the best is empty. But to be told you are the best at something you do by an expert in that field is a compliment and carries some weight because there is truth based on knowledge.

Politicians lie all the time. They either say what they think people want to hear, or they make up big lies to get the people to do what they (politicians) want them to do. Do they hurt people with their lies? Oh, yes! Look around you at politicians today and what they say and what they have said that have cost the lives of thousands--or millions. . . .History is full of these liars.

Now, let's look at the 'white lie', 'the fib'. Usually, these are harmless 'untruths' spoken to avoid embarassing somebody. Example: your girlfriend asks, "Do you think I'm putting on weight?" You happen to think she could benefit from a diet, but you know she is very sensitive about the extra pound or two she's carrying and you don't want to hurt her feelings. What are you going to say except, "Not really"? or, "Honey, you're perfect." You may come up with a better answer, but your answer will be tactful and maybe not 100% the truth, but it would not be hurtful.

Another example: In a restaurant recently, someone I was eating dinner with accidently belched. It was a completely involuntary reaction. The person was red-faced and apologized. I, being partially deaf, could get away with saying, "What are you apologizing for? I didn't notice anything."

So: truth, yes. Hurtful truth, no. Little white lies so as not to embarass someone or hurt feelings of others, yes. Lies, no.

Answer 2

Good question. Unfortunately I do not think there is any one approach which is always right. The answer depends on the person and the situation. There are things called "white lies" where you are more or less forced to tell someone a lie because the truth will hurt them more. If you tell them the truth, then you become associated with that bad thing even though you had nothing to do with it. Its better for the person to figure out the truth themselves then they are not angry with you. On the other hand, there are times when you must tell the truth because the other person is in danger. If you don't know which approach to use then you can always say
" I don't know".

Children are told that honesty is the best policy, and it is for them, because they don't get into complicated situations or conversations. "Joey did you spill the milk?" Mother already knows the answer. Joey telling a lie here is worse than the spilled milk. Mother is trying to teach personal responsibility. That's her job.

Sometimes you can pretend you don't know the truth and then help the person analyze the situation to get a handle on the truth themself. You can "steer" them in the right direction. But you must be careful. Always be guided by this rule:

"Don't believe anything you hear...and only half of what you see"

Answer 3

Life is complicated enough as it is. Why make things worse? When you ask someone a question don't you hope they're giving you an honest answer? I have a difficult enough time trying to tell lies from truth already. There is a reason people respect honesty
in other people, and distance themselves from liars. I don't know about you, but telling the truth is always easier for me. Not because I can't tell lies, or can't make lies totally believable, because I can. It's because lying is wrong and I know it.
A person can get away with lying for a awhile, but what happens when the lies are found out? Trust is lost. Friends are lost. Credibility and integrity are hard to find and when you do find it , you should hang on to it. A person should always try to be true to
theirself. In today's world of deceit and self serving behavior, it's the least you can do for yourself, because if you can't respect yourself no one else will either.

Answer 4

Lying is seldom the acceptable method of dealing with people. What people want to hear is not always the best advice they can get. Your example, "Should I leave my boyfriend?" is not a question you should answer. Unless you are trained in sociology and interpersonal relationships, you have a 50 percent chance of giving the right answer and that's not good enough. The answer you gave was not a lie, but the correct answer. What you did was draw out her actual feelings. She has to work out the relationship herslf or with the help of professionals. Friends do each other a great disservice by getting involved in a couples' relationship except in the most extreme case (abuse). You do well to be honest with people in other matters, but not brutally so. There is a careful balance in dealing with each individual. Some take criticism and truth better than others.

Answer 5

Once I was dating this guy. I guess I'd mentioned that I found smoking unattractive.... His clothes smelled of cigarette smoke, but he assured me that he didn't smoke....repeatedly. One evening I kissed him and tasted it on him. I broke up with him within a week because of his dishonesty.

A number of years later, I met another guy. He also smelled of cigarettes. He was very up front about the fact that he smoked. He said he was trying to quit, but wasn't doing very well at it. I was completely willing to be friends with him. All this happened the night we met.... He eventually quit smoking and we've been married for 7 years.

So what does it matter if we're honest with others?

I think the first guy was telling me "what I wanted to hear."

The second guy- He knew that I wanted to hear that he was a non-smoker, but he was honest with me instead. If he'd told me that he didn't smoke and I'd found out the truth, I'd have dumped his a-- too.


I agree that some people just want reasurance. Some people just want their egos fed. On the other hand, some people want to know the truth. Yeah, it may hurt right now, but at least if I know what's really happening, I am better equipped to handle it.

To me, it's about respect and trust.

That first guy- I don't think he trusted me to still like him even if I knew he smoked. He didn't respect me enough to think I deserved the truth. The second guy- whole different ball game.

Answer 6

Let me ask YOU: do YOU want to be lied to? Really??

Do you want a world where lies are APPROVED of? Encouraged??

You said you "...will not lie to harm..." HOW do you know? By Guessing??

Is assurance more important than truth? Remember, truth CAN hurt now but save you grief later...

If you need the facts about something, and you need other people to help you find them - how do you avoid getting stuck?

Answer 7

seem on the pot calling the kettle black. What a hypocrite. AND, being a white woman, i am going to't STAND being hit on through black adult adult males - what makes them instantly away imagine that each and anyone white females are that determined that they could bypass out with them besides? i'm no longer even going to get in to what maximum white females extremely imagine about white adult adult males relationship black females..... i'm no longer that merciless, and also you do not deserve that, even regardless of the actuality that you're patently only as racist and the girl you're complaining about. i'm a concepts from being a racist, I do exactly in contrast to black adult adult males as some thing yet acquaintances, and under no circumstances will. it isn't their epidermis colour, it is their approach. I frankly ought to CARE a lot less who dates who, or who says what about who. What i am going to't stand, is those who positioned different individuals down who positioned THEM down. would not count number number what RACE they're.

Answer 8

You can be honest, but tactful. I don't think you should lie just to protect some bodies feelings. So, always tell the truth, because it always easier to remember the truth, harder to remember a lie.

Answer 9

Belief is a strong word.
How you prefer to use it is the key
That turns your life.

The truth hurts, that is a true fact.
When not to lie could be a shorter list.
Did you cheat on me?
Did you break that?
Do you love me?
Did you hit your bro/sis?
Did you steal that?

when to lie is a funny list.
Do I look fat?
Does this look good on me?
Can you burb the ABC's?
Am I a good kisser?
The answer to all of these would be ..." What do you think"?

Answer 10

its one of the reason why Buddha stayed silent after listening people question,
he wanted them to figure the answer by themselves,
for he knew nothing is truth or false, just perceptions.