The feelings that I have for my boyfriend are very strange....possibly cause a NORMAL relationship is new to me but I am not fully convinced yet.
I care for him very much, I enjoy spending each second I can with him, am very attracted to him, trust him 100% ( I think in the past I defined love with jealousy and mis-trust) now that I actually trust someone I feel as though I dont care/love them cause I dont have that emotion. I think thats what I defined love as before.
But at the beginning of our relationship (infatuation stage) I was 100% sure we were going to get married in the future...Now I have this feeling inside me that scares me to death. For some reason I just feel as though it is not going to work out for whatever reasons....(gut intuition...I dont know?)
Do you think this is normal what is happening to me because it is my first normal/drama-free relationship or do you think I am actually falling out of love?
2007-01-27 16:12:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As much as you would hate to admit it.. although you are open to hear... You are the typical case of being brain washed .. excuse the term.. but brain washed into thinking that an abusive relationship is normal.. And you are right for asking.. this is NOT Normal!!!!
You think that negative stimulation is what keeps you interested in a person.. the challenge.. but that is false..
It is the stimulation of life and love.. that is sustaining..
You may have seen this in your parents as well, I dont know.
But for the sake of your future children.. end this curse today. As it is a lie in life.. It is peace and happiness that will last you a life time.. it is the way to bring up children..
I would seek council... don't throw away what could be the most important person in your life.. He is a gift to you.. and you need to be a gift to him as well... it is worth the time and money to seek council.
God Bless you .. I will pray for you!
2007-01-27 16:23:35 · answer #1 · answered by Esther J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. I had the same questions as you, because I didn't feel that big "rush" of emotion with him. He has loved and accepted me, even after learning who the "real" me is (quirks, no make-up, when I'm at my worst, etc) and tells me he loves me more today than when we met. I was skeptical of this for the first few years of our marriage, and I think it WAS because there was so much distrust and drama in previous relationships (for good reason, as I look back!). When we got engaged I thought for sure something would happen to screw it up. He teases me about that now...I have to say that it has been absolutely WONDERFUL to be in a committed relationship. I have let go of the self doubt and just appreciate him more and more for being a loving, kind, trustworthy man.
"Falling out of love" is not a bad thing -- loving someone really has MORE to do with the way you treat each other, being accepting, supportive and compassionate toward your partner rather than an emotion. (That's why so many people end up divorced, because they have an immature, stunted idea of what real love is.) Don't get me wrong. We are emotional beings, but to have a depth in our relationships with others is more than emotion - it's being and doing. (The "soulmate" concept, in my humble opinion, is for the birds. Depending on where we are in life and the kind of experiences we've had, we attract and are attracted to certain kinds of people. It kills me - and saddens me - when I hear someone say, "so and so is my soul mate" and then 2-3 years later they are broken up and cursing each other. )
That said, marriage is a huge step and you do want to be sure this is what you want for your life. I wish all the best for you!!
2007-01-27 16:31:09 · answer #2 · answered by voycinwilderness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that since this is your first "normal" relationship you might be having a hard time with things being normal. After all chaos and drama have been such a part of your past relationships...and you get used to it. But you know you deserve better. I'm wondering if the feeling you have that "scares you to death" is really a feeling of things not working out or a fear of them not working out. There is a difference. Maybe your afraid of losing what you have.
2007-01-27 16:34:46 · answer #3 · answered by it's just me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know yourself well and seem to have a very good grasp on why you feel what you do, that is very good...the only thing is that that doesnt always make it easy to feel good and what you wish you did. I think sometimes in relationships like the first you described, the mistrust makes you hold on so tight for fear of losing them that you dont know how to feel as close and connected when you dont need to pour you energy into trying to hard. I dont know if its normal, but I can say that I went through a very similar situation and eventually realized that the good relationship is what I deserved and enjoyed, it was not easy and I found myself trying to create conflict in the beginning just because it felt more normal but it did work...I hope you will someday say the same, just pour all that energy into special gestures and surprise romance if you feel to comfortable...Best wishes to you and the man you deserve to be with!
2007-01-27 16:21:19 · answer #4 · answered by S W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about why you have this feeling that it won't work out. Deep inside - you know why you feel that way. Sounds like you even are answering it here - that perhaps you are growing apart and he isn't what you want. Maybe you miss the drama of past relationships. If so, perhaps you should consider therapy to work out why you seek those types of relationships in the first place.
2007-01-27 16:17:38 · answer #5 · answered by Monkey Lips 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. It is definitely NORMAL! Anyone who has not gone through it might say differently but... you are just adjusting to a healthy relationship. I would however talk to your boyfriend about what you are feeling. Reassure him that you are not saying you don't want to be with him. Just that you need him to understand and maybe try to add a little spice to your relationship. The feelings of drama can be felt with lots of excitement. Try replacing the bad drama feelings that made you feel comfortable with exciting adventures that fill the void you are feeling. Good luck and God bless!
2007-01-27 16:20:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That ain't a quick question! But to answer, I'd say, if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. You may need some time to develop some relationship skills. Jealousy and not trusting someone is self defeating and causes you anxiety. You need to not fear diving in and getting wet, if it's right you'll swim.
2007-01-27 16:22:37 · answer #7 · answered by highkvp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that because you have had all the drama filled love life, you may be getting bored. If he is great, that could scare you, just because you are not use to that. I would say give him a chance. But if you don't feel that you truly love him, than leave. This is all up to you. Good Luck!
2007-01-27 16:18:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stick around and see where this relationship takes you. then when the time is right, take a step back and see if you really love him and care for him. You might feel stressful because your used to problems. You had a difficult past.
2007-01-27 16:18:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yep i think your brain deep inside is wondering if there is something better out there. Which in most cases there probably is but the chances that you actually meet someone perfect for you is very poor. Most people marry someone they like and can stand and have good traits, i think very few people in this world actually find there true soulmate.
2007-01-27 16:17:29 · answer #10 · answered by EVAN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋