How to cope after miscarriage?

Question

I recently had a miscarriage and I feel like I can be all smiles in public to try to "convince" people I'm OK but I feel like I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I am angry, sad, and heartbroken all at the same time. I don't know how to go back to the person I was before this all happened. I don't know what to do with myself. My friend is pregnant and I find myself resenting her when she talks about her baby moving. I do not want to be that type of person. So for any of u who have had a similar experience can you tell me what you did to cope after a miscarriage? Also, when were u ready to start trying again?

Ok to the person who said "do not commit suicide" thanks for your concern, but that is not going to happen. Besides a husband and other family who loves me I have a 2 year old son who depends on me. So that is not an option. But I can say that after all this happened, I'm no longer afraid to die b/c I believe I have a beautiful little girl waiting for me on the other side. But I will meet her when God takes me not when I decide it is time to go.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you at this devistating time. I lost a son in Sept. 2000, though it was my 4th pregnancy it was an aweful experience. I know for my that I had a hard time being a wife and a mother after this happened. People around me didn't want to talk about it or share my feelings. I found that talking with someone who has been through the same loss helped a little. I went and seen a grief counsler and went to several websites for woman who have suffered a loss of a child and on one particular site I was able to light a candle for my son. Just know that what ever way you grieve there is no wrong way. My sister was pregnant and had a baby shortly after I lost my son, I couldn't look at her daughter for the longest time out of the sheer empty arm syndrome. My husband and I got pregnant 2 months later and have a beautiful 5 year old. My biggest healing helper was because we had already bought some stuff for my son we bought a beautiful wooden box from Hobby lobby and attached hinges to hit and painted it and then stencled his name and dates I carried him. Inside the box we put all the things that we had gotten for him, the journal I kept while pregant, ultrasound photos and any momentos I had received after his loss. On days when I was having a particularly hard time just looking at the box made me feel better. For a long time that box had to sit out on our dresser and know one could touch it. A couple of years after I slowly but surely was able to move it closer and closer to the closet till one day it just felt right to put it away. I will never forget him but I have found a little peace with what happened. I still have those days when I find myself thinking about him and what would of been but knowing how sick he would have been and knowing that he sent me two beautiful daughters to help ease the pain that his loss caused.

I was told to wait three years before trying again because of what was wrong with my son and my pregnancy but I put my faith in God and we got pregnant 2 months later. You will know in your heart when you are ready.

One other thing we did as a memorial is we planted and dwarf apple tree for him that way there was something to see all year. The spring brings the blossoms , the summer and fall bring the harvest and we decorated it in winter to await the spring bloom.

My heart is with you may you find some peace with your loss and know there are lots of people out there that know what you are going through. There are lots of online groups for this very loss. Good luck and may your heart ache lessen as time goes by.

Beth
mum to an angel

Answer 2

I miscarried in October at 12 weeks. It was truly one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I still have days when I want to cry. It is okay. I know this sounds goofy, but there are many websites with different ways to help you memorialize your little angel. I know have a little necklace that has 3 birthstones on it: one for the month of conception, one for the month of miscarriage, and one for the month of the estimated due date. It is very special to me. I don't wear it every day, but I make sure that I do on those days when I am feeling very blue.

I went for my 4 week check up after the D&C and the doctor said that things looked great and we could begin trying again right away. We were not sure and decided not to plan anything. However, I am now 12 1/2 weeks pregnant. We are very surprised that it happened so soon, but I now know that this baby has a very special angel looking out for him/her.

In time, things will get better. Have you talked to your friend? She might feel relieved to hear about how you are feeling emotionally. She may talk about the baby just trying to keep things as normal as she can, but in all reality, she probably does not know what to say.

Best of luck to you and God bless.

Answer 3

Dear Autumn, as well as the others who have responded,

I'm so sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is a death, just as surely as the loss of my two-month-old baby girl to SIDS was a death. Grieving is normal and so is resentment. I went through a phase where I couldn't stand to look at a baby, and then when I coped with that by *forcing* myself to look at babies, I'm afraid I became obnoxious for a while by not being able to resist them. If you pray, pray about your feelings toward your friend. Anger and resentment are part of grieving, so tell your friend gently how you feel. A true friend will understand. Maybe she can lighten up on the progress reports around you.

You may never go back to the person you were before. You will go on with your life, and you will adjust, but you will always remember. It may help to hold a little family memorial for your angel baby.

As for when to try again, it's best decided between you, your husband (or SO, I don't want to make assumptions) and your doctor. You may have to let your body heal from whatever caused this tragedy.

Again I'm very sorry. My heart goes out to you.

Thoughts and prayers,
Raya

Answer 4

believ it or not. i told myself that everything happenes for a reson... i am not really a church goer and really don't nor did i ever study the bible, but i convinced myself that god did not want me to have this baby for a reson. whatever the reason was that is how i made myself get over it... it's not going to happen right away as much as you want it to. it takes time. you are also going through some form of post pardum depression. it doesnt only happen to women who have had a full term pregnancy. you being pregnant automatically changed your hormones. i would suggest if you feel yourself not getting better within an few weeks go talk to someone. you arent alone. feeling resentful towards your friend is also normal. try to stay away from her until you can cope with your own situation. when you feel the need to cry do not hold it in... let it out... even if you have to go somewhere where people can not see you go ahead do not hold it in... you will be okay. try to find out why this happened so if you plan on having children in the future youknow what to and not to do to prevent this from happening again. this is not the end of the world... i promise. enjoy your life this may have been devine intervention. god may have done this for his reason. maybe you would not have had a healthy baby, maybe the baby would have been born with some problems which you wouldnt be able to handle... don't beat yourselfup... it gets better but day by day... not over night... good luck my love and take care of yourself.

Answer 5

I wish there was a right answer for this. We all grieve differently and for some of us it is harder.
I am 71/2 months pregnant and recently found out my baby has only half a heart and if she does survive she will be in the hospital for a long time with multiple surgeries being done and possibly a heart transplant if she is can get one. I know I have not lost her yet but it feels like I have. My emotions are so screwed up right now, one minute I am fine the next minute I am balling my eyes out or ripping someone a new butt hole. My sister just had a baby a couple weeks ago and she keeps calling me to come see it but every time I hold the baby, I can't help but to think of how I might not be able to hold my baby.
I suggest you grieve however you need to. You have the right and it is perfectly okay to do so. If you need to, go see a counselor. Talk to people. The only reason I sit on my computer is because everyone in my life is afraid to talk to me right now. I do want to talk about it with them but they act like I am some fragile porcelain doll. I think that is why I get angry. I am sorry for your loss and things will get better with time, just make sure you don't ignore your feelings completely. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I took it day by day. First week I spent in bed crying, then I cried a few times a week.. to a few times a month.. and now it's been almost 3 years and I only feel upset about it on very rare occasions when I think about it too much. And yes, 3 years later I do still think about it sometimes. I waited 3 months to start trying, I wanted to heal emotionally.. and give my body a few months physically. I got pregnant 3 months later, so I was pregnant 6 months after my miscarriage. Sorry you are dealing with a loss, good luck. I now have a 20 month old son!

Answer 7

well i had 2 miscarriages and i completely know what you're going through. Me personally i just said to myself if i had a miscarriage it was because god felt i wasn't ready yet to have a baby, but when i am ready he'll let me know. I also had to focus my attention on positive things even though its hard and you know what it was 6months later when i got pregnant again, iwas very scared that i would miscarry again and you know what i had a baby boy 9months later. No one can tell you to get over it or think of something else, because you did have life inside you, but what i can tell you is i feel no sadness now and everybody grieves in different ways.
Good Luck!
p.s. you can start trying again within 4 months, just make sure you are emotionally ready first.

Answer 8

I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I want to tell YES it is very normal to feel resentment. I have been TTC for about 2 and a half years now. In the end of 2005 My little sister (16) got pregnant. We took her in to help her and she had the baby in may of 2006. I felt so angry the whole time. Well in June of 2006 I got pregnant and miscarried. Not realizing i was hurting so bad from this All she would talk about was her baby not to mention he was always there to remind me. I was soooo angry. So one day I couldn't take it any more and told her how I felt. She cried so much. We became so much closer. I'm still trying and shes there for me to talk to ALWAYS. So tell your friend how you feel she may not realize how you are feeling.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Hi. I am struggling with the same problem. I had a miscarriage two weeks ago today and the pain doesn't seem to get easier, it feels like it is getting more difficult to deal with. I can't exactly tell you how to deal with a miscarriage, because I am still trying to learn that myself. But if you would like someone to talk to.....PLEASE feel free to email me. I think talking with someone who is going through it too helps, at least it does for me some. Hang in there.

Answer 10

I miscarried about 12 years ago at 12 weeks.
It was really hard and I didn't feel ready to try again for about 2 years.
Time really does heal.
Also, many local hospitals offer support groups for parents who've lost a child to miscarriage or stillbirth. They can be very helpful.

My mom used to tell people right after my miscarriage that I "thought" I was pregnant but it didn't work out. I was so angry and hurt at her for that. I later found she was hurting for her lost grandchild and that was her way of coping.

Hang in there, you have my heartfelt sympathies.