A girl cried out into the shroud of night
Which long had silenced those who cried before
But now the neighbors scurried in their fright
While fiinding comfort locked behind their doors
Her cries just might as well had gone unheard
For little did they do if but for harm
The stranger ired by her every word
The neighbors drawing no cause for alarm
And so alone she suffered her assault
Reflecting on the day to be her last
Her tears more full of loss than common salt
Entreated time to seize her as he passed
As time obliged her tormentor withdrew
Incensately she fell across the walk
And all that she had ever known or knew
Coupled with her breath and left in smoke
Collectively the neighbors dared to sigh
Now free to move about as any bird
The stranger didn't need an alibi
No one had seen a thing or heard a word
2007-01-27 16:03:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Thanks to those of you who like it. No apologies to those who don't. Sadly, it is based on too many realities, but in this case two in particular. And no doubt many more to come.
2007-01-27 16:09:59 · update #1
Soph, I really liked what you had to say. I hope so, too. *smile*
2007-01-27 16:12:36 · update #2
Truly abstract in the style it was written, but with depth of emotion from within the poem. The meaning that is to be derived from the readers is surreal and horrifying. Fear, pain, helplessness, denial, abandonment, and reality formed this poetic thought, of an innocent life being tainted, by the wickedness of acts. One has to open their minds to this poetic thought and possibly view it from the inside looking out...it's a painful world and existence once survived. Especially being viewed through those innocent eyes. Abstractly written, yet concretely driven...Take care...(smiles)
2007-01-27 16:28:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I so completely agree with what you have written here.People are no longer compassionate over another person's suffering.I had a very similar experience the other but it did not happen to me.I saw man lying on the road crippling in pain because he was hit by a car.although it was the man's fault as he had crossed on the highway and not on the pedestrian crossing which was only a few feet away.but still it was a human suffering in pain and there was no one by his side.absolutely no one.by the time an ambulance had arrived and tried reviving him he had reached God's feet.he was crippling in pain for nearly 20minutes and there was no one.we were allowed to touch him because he was an accident victim which it involved cops and hospital.I completely understand what you meant by this poem and i hope this did not and does not happen for real.
2007-01-28 00:27:01 · answer #2 · answered by sweet is my code name 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it speaks the truth about the nature of most humans. I think it is sad that people pretend not to see what is directly in front of them. Yet, it is very common. It use to be human nature to defend the defenseless and stand up for what is right. Sadly times have changed. Thanks for the reminder. I hope others who read your poem might think twice next time they are in a similar situation. Have a blessed day!
2007-01-28 00:09:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like poems i use to write. the poetry itself seems good, you got a talent for words. but the words them self is filled with to much pain, most people won't like it. Because they can see their own pain in it or won't understand it. In my own expedience you can write poem after poem, but that won't help the pain and trauma you've experienced. Sometimes only a real person will help. After I wrote a volume of poems about my life I talked to therapists, friends and family. I've cried some many times as I told my story and it helped, of course so does time.
2007-01-28 00:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sad, why can't people write happy poems?
Your meter (number of syllables per line) is very mixed. This inhibits the flow of the poem.
You are a talented poet, try some more symbols, motifs, varried rhymer schemes, and repetition in the future to make your poems more meaningful.
2007-01-28 00:06:27 · answer #5 · answered by Ben B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good, I guess. It's about a very emotional topic, at least I think so; poems that are about emotional topics sometimes seem either very very good or very very bad. The emotional thing throws off the whole scale.
2007-01-28 00:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by Cuit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
summerfest, you are a true talent, however, it seems that only those who are in this type of pain could capture the pain written here. Hope you are checking into getting published. I'm awed by your talent, sorry for your pain.
2007-01-28 07:49:06 · answer #7 · answered by arum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are strident words with gaps galore. Why use such effort to tell of our common frailty of spirit or lack of consern for our fellow man?
2007-01-28 00:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by Comanche 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is a beautiful poem because it is feeling you are trying to work out and that is always good. Keep writing!!!!!!
2007-01-28 00:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by blackglitter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like Nazi times or something
why doesn't somebody help the poor girl?
just a poem , right?
2007-01-28 00:09:29 · answer #10 · answered by agropelter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋