Why men cannot have gay friends & despise lesbians, whereas women like them and can also have lesbians mates?

Question

I know it is a very broad generalisation, but women do not mock anout gays the way men do, specially with jokes such as the old trick of being careful in the male showers and so on...

And also think about all those jokes about ugly lesbians. Women do not laugh at homosexuals.

Answer 1

…The researchers surveyed the territory and found--not
unexpectedly--that the vast majority of Americans condemn
homosexuality. Men tend to be more homophobic than women, and more homophobic about male homosexuality than lesbianism. Consequently, psychologists and psychiatrists tend to direct their attention to male homophobia toward gay men. [as opposed to gay women].

Among their hypotheses: Outwardly heterosexual men who harbor intense homosexual yearnings may hold the most vehemently anti-gay attitudes of all. Psychologists dub this a "defensive reaction."..

Homophobia, both in and out the military, bears many of the hallmarks of phobias against other minorities. For example, gays, like blacks and Jews before them, are often accused of having a predilection for child molestation--a reflection, explains Herek, of a "general cultural tendency to portray disliked minority groups as threats to the dominant society's most vulnerable members…"

Few people still subscribe to Freud's theories about homosexuality, in part because recent evidence indicates that homosexuality can have a biological basis (see October 1992 issue, page 53, and box, page TK). But, the psychodynamic theories derived from Freud's teachings are frequently used to explain homophobia. For example, some Freudians
reason that excessive hostility toward homosexuality occurs when a person with strong homosexual leanings finds his or her desires unacceptable and "projects" that self-contempt onto people who are openly or apparently gay.

Alternatively, homophobia may be a projection of individuals'
insecurities about their gender identity, says Patrick Suraci, a
Manhattan clinical psychologist and author of Male Sexual Armor: Erotic Fantasies and Sexual Realities of the Cop on the Beat and the Man in the Street. Gender identity denotes not biological sex, but male or female physical and psychological characteristics--in other words, how masculine or feminine a person appears. Asked to define "masculinity," the 134 New York policemen and 1,392 civilians interviewed for Male Sexual Armor "commonly responded, not being homosexual," says Suraci. The tendency of men to define gender in
terms of sexual orientation may explain why more men than women are homophobic. That men tend to be more phobic about gay men than gay women could be explained by the cultural taboo against anal sex.

Finally, some psychologists speculate that the disgust some men feel toward male homosexuals is rooted in fear and hatred of women. "Gay men are often perceived as feminine [by heterosexual men]," says Richard Isay, clinical professor of psychiatry at Cornell Medical College in New York, and author of Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development.

Answer 2

Many men in Judeo-Christian dominated countries are indoctrinated into homophobia from a young age, and don't like the fact that they may be attracted to a lesbian, but have no chance of a sexual relationship. Many straight women dislike lesbianism, some are more accepting. They like the generally more sensitive aspects of gay men, the fact that they know there will be no sexual pressure, and they can go shopping together and compare their taste in men.

Answer 3

Men can have gay friends. It is only homophobes who cannot. Ignorance and hatred spreads far beyond gender, color, and creed. A homophobe despises anyone gay. You can usually find a one by the extent of his or her ignorance.

You are right, however, that lesbianism is seen as more acceptable. This is because SOME men associate male homosexuality with emasculation and despise that which they know nothing about. Usually this kind of man believes his wife/girlfriend/mother emasculate him too and hangs around in bars so he can listen to all of his ignorant cronies try to find their lacking inner machismo by denigrating gays.

"I'm a lumberjack, and I'm OK..."

Answer 4

Men tend to be more homophobic then women. Think about it women are more feminine by nature but society has taught men to be tough and think that all men are men only if they are tough. Gays do not behave this way so in their eyes they are outcasts. I guess women tend to be less myopic at times. This does not mean that there arent females that are homophobic. I have seen quite a few women who make fun of gay people. Is this right? Of course not.
I think toleration is something we as the human race need to learn.

Answer 5

That IS a very broad generalization, because I know plenty of women that dislike homosexuals as much as any man I've ever known, and aren't afraid to say it.

I'm not gay, and I don't have any gay friends, but I'm not against homosexuality for other people. It's just not for me.

Answer 6

I think most guys don't like lesbians because they feel threatened. Lesbians know what a woman likes and a man fumbles until he gets lucky enough to find out. (if they ever do)
As far as having gay friends,if a man is secure enough in his own manhood,it doesn't bother them. Women tend to be more forgiving and open-minded,so they don't have a problem with either.

Answer 7

The only gay man I know is not one who deserves a friendship. And I certainly don't despise lesbians.
If I was to be born again, I'd choose to be a lesbian girl.

Answer 8

In general, women appear to be much more mature and compassionate about these matters.

There are some men that feel threatened, so they become defensive and start mocking and poking fun. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

HTH : )

Answer 9

I have both gay and lesbian people in my life that I consider to be true friends. They are well educated, affluent and I enjoy their company. I can't speak for women and their level of comfort among people of alternative lifestyles. Nevertheless I would strongly suggestion your subscription to this stereotype is misguided.

Answer 10

Your question is based on a mistaken idea.
I have gay friends, & I certainly do not despise lesbians.
The last time I looked I am a male, & heterosexual as well.