i have been married for 7 yrs.my hubby works 12 hrs,and hardly has time for me.i am honest and a faithful wife.i have no friends and i don't leave the house,but just stay home and take care of the kids.very often my hubby will come home late,drunk.then one night he came home late and i asked him where he was,he told me that he was driving around with his friend,the guy he works with,he haven't called me and let me no anything but to have me sit and worried.its been going on for quite a long time,i really don't want to believe that hes with another woman,cuz when he comes home he wanna make love to me.when i'm mad at him for coming home late,he tells me not to worried cuz after hes finished hanging with his friends,its me that he comes home to,hopiing that will me make feel better.we also have 2 kids together,3 and 1.i want to leave him and go buy my mom for a little while,although its 7 hrs away in a plane.talking to him makes no sense,i'm through with the talking.need advise plz.
2007-01-27 15:22:25 · 20 answers · asked by lovegirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he needs to respect your worries and your feeling first and foremost.hanging with the guys after working all day shouldn't be a good thing to him.he is a family man,not a bachelor.some of them guy may not have A FAMILY AT HOME.he needs to consider that you and him needs time together, not just to have sex after he comes in late. you have a working shift too and that is to take care of the children.respect is everything and its bad enough he has to work 12 hrs.
2007-01-27 15:46:25 · answer #1 · answered by sorrydontknowyou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He prob isn't cheating on you just a workaholic--and only cares about himself--he has you where he wants you at home all day with the kids and since he is "supporting" you he should be able go hang out with his friends after work. He will never change. I lived that life for 7 years--I was so bored--even though I love my kids having to be just so alone--was not a life. We went to a lot of counseling and he just felt as long as he was providing for the family it was okay--he was "The Man". I suggest counseling first if that doesnt work get out--you are a person and deserve so much better.
2007-01-27 15:35:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We've got the exact stories with a few minor differences.I was married 5yrs with a 4 1/2 & 2yr old at that time.Here is the end of my story and I am sorry if its not what you want to hear: We seperated for 2yrs and are now Divorced for 6months. During this painful journey the kids and I had to deal with losing everything. Its more then Drinking...it was infidelity at its best! What is even worse he said and still says his deciet and addictions were never an issue or problem till I came along.
2007-01-27 15:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by Skinz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sounds like you have one selfish husband, and it sounds like you are pretty young, so that isn't going to change anytime soon on its own.
My definition of affair, is ANYTHING THAT TAKES YOUR TIME, ATTENTION, AND EMOTIONS AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE.
It honestly don't have to be another woman to be an affair, it could be the tv, a friend from work that he's driving around with (which would be stupid with these gas prices), sitting on the internet chatting with a girl that your wife doesn't know about, or someone you meet for lunch that your spouse doesn't know about and you lied about your plans for the day.
It doesn't get any better, buddies, alcohol, and allowing your time away from your family for a long period of time, just because you can, only gets worse and usually ends up bad.
If you love him, TALK TO HIM, tell him what you are feeling and tell him if it doesn't change he is going to kill everything inside of you and you will end up leaving. If he loves you and cares about your family, he will agree that things need to change and make a change for the better.
2007-01-27 15:36:41 · answer #4 · answered by JANET C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do something different. Have someone watch the kids for you and you go out or have someone keep them overnight. Get all dressed up, hide in the house, wait awhile after he comes home then go outside and come back in like you went somewhere; turn the tables on him. Get a new haircut or color ,clothes, or something different. He is use to you being in the same spot, doing the same thing when he comes home. Do something unpredictable. When the shoe is on the other foot- he will straighten up but if you don't want to make it work; don't want to talk, then it is time to ...walk.
2007-01-27 21:50:02 · answer #5 · answered by lovelife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I would leave this man while your children are still young enough to not feel the full emotional effects
it might have on them. Don't wait until the last minute.
Think about your children. An alcoholic isn't someone I would want to associate my kids with.
I think you know deep down in your heart what you should do, or else you wouldn't have seeked out the advice of others. You just needed reassurance.
I wish you luck.
2007-01-27 15:34:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't put your poor babies in day care because your husband is a dolt. Their lives are hard enough, aren't they?
You do have to start doing things for yourself, tho. Al-anon meetings might be a good start, since your husband is an alcoholic. Don't nag him about that, accept it. Decide what you want to do about it and do it.
I think visiting your mom for a while will help you a great deal, if your mom is supportive and will help you get some time to unwind. You should stay for a nice long visit to give him time to consider what he's throwing away.
2007-01-27 15:36:59 · answer #7 · answered by t jefferson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
doesn't sound like you believe him. so, now what? You two need to figure that out. one way is some kind of counseling. Going to live with your Mom shouldn't be the first thing you do. Find out what the real deal is. what you want, what he wants, if you can't work things out then trial separation, go live with Mom but remember, no matter what, make sure he pays child support for your children, consult an attorney at that point. Good Luck!
2007-01-27 15:33:38 · answer #8 · answered by kewtber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like an insensitive jerk. He wants to run around and hang out, like he did before he became a family man If he wants to be single, maybe give him a taste of it. Pack up and take yourself and the kids to a women's shelter or motel for a few nights and then if he want you back say NO not intill marriage counseling to see if you two, can work this problem out.
2007-01-27 15:33:55 · answer #9 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can look after you better than yourself. This guy doesn't sound like an ideal husband or father. Maybe it's time to get the kids in a day care center and you a job.Being independant speaks volumes. I KNOW this to be the truth! Been there..was once you.
2007-01-27 15:31:57 · answer #10 · answered by tanja3703 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋