I married a man 15 years older than myself when I was 23. Every aspect of our relationship is perfect except that I more often than not have to instigate sex, this aparently puts too much stress on him to perform. Over the years I have changed my approach but nothing works. He says he wants to but it has to be spontaneous. If it is left to spontaneity nothing ever happens. On average we do it ten times a year, hardly satisfying when sharing a bed with someone you are incredibly in love with. Now I am at an age where family is an important goal so I have to make a decision whether to leave him or continue being unhappy at home. We have discussed bettering the situation but his efforts do not convince me to stay. I am so angry and frustrated that I cannot be civil and happy enough for him to want to be with me. He doesn't believe in talking to a stranger about our issues and any other suggestion I make is putting pressure on him. Feel I am dying a slow death ! Any suggestions ?
2007-01-27 15:12:55 · 16 answers · asked by liv 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very tough situation. I had a similar situation when i was younger, she was 6 years younger than myself. I tried everything under the sun, to no avail. We were not married but were togeather 7yrs. I felt like my life was just being wasted away. I ended up giving her the altimatum. Things didnt change and I broke it off and never looked back because it was like breaking free from captivity!
2007-01-27 15:36:54 · answer #1 · answered by none 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going thro the same situation in just 15 days of married life think of me, he did not even sense thst he is not performing even to the average and all am now trying is a job for myself so that I can get out of his reach, in these 10yrs there would have been so many good aspects abt him,why don't you give a second thought?
1.What do you want out of your personal life?
2.How do you expect your life partner to relate to you?
3.What is the level to which you can adjust with your partner?
4. wht do u think marriage is and wht you want from the marriage?
Answer these questions, am sure you will get an answer, if still you have 2 options in front of you,do not implement either because until you see only one answer,you will be happy about your decision.
2007-01-27 15:27:14 · answer #2 · answered by xxxxxx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say do not leave him until you have tried absolutly everything. Especially since you said that you are very in love with him. But you two do need to be on the same page at some point. He may not want to talk to someone, but maybe just you should. So you can sort through your feelings. SO you don't end up getting to down on yourself. Hang in there! You will figure it out!
2007-01-27 15:22:52 · answer #3 · answered by Roxy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
10 years is lot to through away behind sex.At a certain part in your life you didn't think this was going to happened? Man can't do what a woman can do as far as sex., if that's your only hang up, look give him a dance have the bedroom fixed real hot and do your thing he can't resist you then.
2007-01-27 15:24:07 · answer #4 · answered by deezbrats 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like what Serendipity said if you've exhausted all your efforts of "making" him change...
At your age, and i'm 32, you are truly at an age where the window is still open, just a crack...
I wish the best of luck to you...
Again, exhaust all your efforts before you leave...you need to make a decision between the "security" of what you have and know and the possibility of the unknown....
2007-01-27 15:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by mickeymouse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men can be very touchy about sex
It would break that his heart that he can't satisfy you & he really will be devastated but he is just hiding it from you.
you would have to explain to him how desperate you are without you argueing with him but that can be hard as he will most likely get upset
leaving is not good in my eyes
as marriage is for life
2007-01-27 16:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by ausblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think at this point, you are at an age where children should come into play. If this is not what he wants, then he should be honest and tell you. You should not miss out on being a mother, if you want to. I think you just need to give him 2 choices, sex and a family, or you leave. Harsh, but its what you need to do.
2007-01-27 15:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by redsox fan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should not leave the marriage over this... Seek counseling and help for you and your marriage... Tell you husband how you feel. You may need to see a sex therapist as well with him or he may need to see a doctor for help too.
2007-01-27 15:38:30 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking that this isn't going to work out for future plans!
I'm in a DEAD sex zone myslelf, but not in your situation; as we've already had a Child (witch was the beginning of the end)
2007-01-27 15:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave--plain and simple--my ex never wanted to have sex and tried to explain to him that--even though I was a woman--I wanted sex-- I needed it to feel like we were close. I know you must feel so unattractive, insecure--because most men think and want sex all the time but you are with a man who is selfish. I would sit him down and tell him your needs--as I did--and tell if he is not willing to fulfill you--you need to find someone whom will.
He prob will get mad as you are challenging his masculinity--but my God girl--we as woman need sex--it is a basic part of life to be happy--we need the touch of a man-if he isn't interested move on to someone who wants you.
2007-01-27 15:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋