for the single parents.?

Question

I am a newly single mother...I am staying with a friend right now but will have to move soon. I want to give my baby the best I possibly can but feel ive let her down by bringing her into this world into a split home where she is not going to get to experience a family. I have the support of the father but I dont even want to see him as it is going to be to painful..and he can barely afford to pay me child support either...anyways my question is for single parents and id like to know the effect this has had on their children and if they also feel guilty like I do?

Answer 1

The only person that thinks you have failed anyone is you. All your daughter knows is that she has the love and comfort of her mother and that's the most important thing to her.

As for you, if the relationship is over, then let it be. Holding on to something that's not there is only going to prolong the healing process and make you more miserable. Start concentrating on where you want to be a year from now. Jump on one task at a time head first and don't give up until you get what you both need and want.

I have been a single parent of two little girls for the past 5 years. My parents were supportive emotionally but my mother told me that my life was in my hands. I struggled and struggled for about a year and a half. But once I really started getting on my feet, I felt so much better knowing that I did it without anyones help and that made me stronger for my children. Not to mention, my confidence went through the roof.

Tough it out and stay head strong, you have no where to go but up for the both of you. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Being newly single and a mom is really tough stuff but you can do it. You would not make a bottle without the proper formula and sterilized water would you? What I mean is you need alot of support, try to find it. Start with trying to find a church (you need to believe that God will never leave you and never forsake you), although guilt has it's purpose(hopefully you will learn from whatever is giving you guilt feelings) in the end you have to forgive yourself, all that guilt hanging on you like a monkey on your back is no good for you or your child. And last and definately not least listen to your gut instincts don't be fooled by outward appearances when it comes to your child ,you are very vulnerable now remember to be vigilant.

Answer 3

You and the baby's father have to be parents to her thats the most important thing by doing this you will both be giving her the most precious thing in life...

It will be painful for you to see her dad but you have to see him as her dad now and not the man you had a relationship with dont fight and argue with him talk to him about your daughters future assure him you both need to be part of her life even though your not together..

You say she wont experience a family she wont in the sense you all live together but she will know you both love her and care even if you dont live together... The dad is giving you his support thats great most guys dont he wants to be in her life and you would stop this as its to painful for you thats a bit selfish if your honest... So he cant pay you much child support at least he is making some contribution, you will be feeling low just now as your body is geting back to normal after the birth hormones all over the place it will pass...


I was with my partner for 17yrs and have 2 kids we seperated in 2001 i made sure my kids knew it was not because of them and they could see their dad anytime we where still thweir parents no matter what had happened between us.. He died in 2002 suddenly my kids where 6 and 10 I had to tell them he had died they never got to see him before he died the last they saw him was the day before.. Ive had to help them to cope with his death and it hasent been easy there was an inquiry the police where at fault Ive had court cases... Realise your daughters dad wants to be there to stop this let him be there....

Life is to short you will cope and you will give her the best you can dont doubt yourself as long as she is loved and always put hher first before you make decisions as they will affect her too, in few months maybe you and her dad can come to an arrangement where you can work parttime and he looks after her he might get a better job and give you more help finacially...

I work 2 jobs my eldest is 15 now and the youngest 10 we've got there and the boys are coping great with my love and support Im doing my best for them they get you through...

Best wishes for the future enjoy your daughter children are truly a gift nothing makes you feel better when your having a bad day and you hear mum I love you and they hug you its the best feeling in the world and you cant buy that....

Answer 4

Yeah I went through the same stuff exactly. My daughter was so young that it really didn't have an effect on her, and I started to date again but didn't drag those new people into her life. I finally got married to the man that I should have given a chance to a long time ago, and he's her daddy, not just her stepdad. I moved on, but it's not the answer for everyone. You should do what you feel is right, and always out your daughter's needs first. You're her mother, first and foremost. Never compromise the love of your daughter for the love of someone that came much later than she did in your life. Things will be difficult, but if you surround yourself with loving friends and family, things won't be so tough. I never felt guilty, though. I knew that what I was doing was best for my daughter and for myself.

Answer 5

I am not a single parent now, I was,my daughter is 29. She is single, and her sons father is in jail. She struggles everyday and he is only 3 now.She has made up her mind that her gole is to try her best to do and make the best for her child,and thats all you can do. yes, you may always feel guilty, but thats normal. I did. I was alone, no support, clothes did not fit her, but we made it because we hade eachother.Things will get beter, you make it happen, I know you can. Good luck!

Answer 6

There's nothing to feel guilty of. It seems you are creating problem where there is none.

The child does have a family...you, and by extension...her grandparents. There are kids who benefitted from this life's early lesson.

With appropriate nurturing ...your child could turn out to be someone anyone could be proud of...get off the guilty wagon and get on the parenting one. Good luck!

Answer 7

I am a single dad to an 11 yr old girl. Me and her mom got a divorce when my daughter was 6. I have my daughter every fri - sun and whenever else I can. We both love my daughter very much and my daughter is happy. As for me I do wish i could have raised my daughter with her mom instead of this way but I will never regret having had my daughter and I always let her know how much she means to me.

Answer 8

Okay first of all I don't know your age--but I will cover that--I had my first at 17--my and her dad never were married and she is 17 now--all A's--a great child--a struggle to get him to pay support but he always loved her--as I encouraged him to have a relationship with her--they are close.

I was married had 2 more they are 11 and 9--div from there dad and they are great boy's--always encouraged a relationship with their dad.

And now have a babe from my ex-fiancee-he is 5 month's now --he is with his dad this weekend.

I feel like a loser mom too but just because you aren't with your childs dad does not mean they can't have the benifits of both parents--the most recent "dad"--god I feel like a loser--sounds bad with 4 kids from 3 dads but not as it seems--I have a great career so not as bad as it sounds--isn't paying support and I am so mad about that--but you have to put your child first--he/she needs to know there dad if he wants that.
I am going through the pain you are too--I don't wan't to see his face at all--but for my baby and his feeling secure--I do it--as I did for my other three.

If your childs dad wants to see him regardless of support --let him. A child needs both parents whether together or not--there are many kids who grow up great from a "split home" as long as they know they are loved and have a relationship with both parents--let go of your feelings about him and know it is good for you daughter to see her dad when he picks her up.

Answer 9

Nope I never felt guilty. No reason to . I was miserable being married so was my ex, we were making our daughter miserable. I'm not going to feel guilt from getting out of that trap. As far as family goes. Family doesn't have to consist of those you are related to by marriage or blood. My family has always been my closest friends, those who have known me pretty much most of my life. My blood relatives haven't been my "family" since I was a kid...and even then I never really felt like it WAS a family. Those who love you and support your emotionally are your family.

Answer 10

Ok...from one single mom to another...get over it!

And get over your feelings about her father.

You two - together - can still provide a good upbringing for her. BUT - you have to be willing to put aside your own grief and work to make it happen.

He is her daddy and always will be. I would encourage you to foster that relationship as much as possible.

Get on welfare if you need to in order to provide for your baby. Get some job training or go back to school.

Just step out there and do your very best.

I have two girls 18 and 13. For about 8 years post-divorce we fought like cats and dogs. It was very hard for our kids. Once we finally decided to put all our feelings aside for them, things got better. Do I like him? He's ok. Do I trust him? No. Do I stay at his house when I drop my kid off for summer. Yes. Does he stay at mine when he returns her? Yes. When we have a problem with one or both of them, we have a 3-way phone conversation about it. It works!!

I have even had a time where the oldest was so far out of line, that one call to him had him on the doorstep 36 hours later. (He lives 6 hours away). She found out her daddy was still very involved in her life in a big way that day!!

You'll be ok. Take a deep breath, stop feeling guilty, and go out and foster a family life for yourself and your child.