My husband has a baby by another woman what should I do?

Question

My husband had an affair about 1 year ago and I'm slowly getting over it but in the process of the affair the girl got pregnant we took a test and it is 100% HIS. But he does not talk about the boy or talk about going to see him. But he pays child surport. And he says that he is going to take care of what is his but he doesn't bring up the baby unless I bring him up. But if I don't bring the baby up he will not say anything about it . What should I do? Should I leave him along about trying to make him see the baby or should I just keep quiet.

Answer 1

Yes you really should leave him alone about this.... At least he is paying child support... I hope that with time he will want to go see his child but you cannot force him to want to. Maybe he does not bring up the baby because he does not want to hurt you... Tell him that you are open to hearing and talking about his child and that you are ready to be a part of the babies life with him and see how he feels and responds to this.

Answer 2

He's not the man you want him to be if he doesn't care about having a relationship with all his children. It matters to the both of you how the child was conceived but the bigger picture is what is in the child's best interest.

What you need to be concerned about the most is how your husband can have an affair with something he thinks so low of he cannot even consider having of a quality relationship with their child BUT had unprotected sex with. He obviously engaged in unprotected sex with you both simultaneously without regard for consequences such as a baby and your life.

Aren't you angry, sad, mad, DEVASTATED?

The truth is if he was so reckless in his affair it's not the first time and it will not be the last. The true measure of a man is how he handles his responsibilities and he's failed at both, taking care of his children and holding true the vows he promised to you.

Take a long hard look at how he is treating you and this situation. Is this the man you want to raise your children together? Is this the man you want to come home to at night and you have absolutely no idea where he has been and possibly might be bringing something home to you that might kill you?

I'm not trying to be harsh but you have one life to live and you can never get time back. You can decide to stay if you wish and it's at your own risk. You have to take responsibility for that. If you think an issue needs to addressed bring it up, not in a nagging sort of way but from a viewpoint of being concerned. Suggest you pick up the child together or consult a judge for partial custody which will reduce child support payments if it doesn't eliminate them all together. Either way you need to think of what you need long-term and he needs to man up and handle his responsibilities, a child is more than just a financial burden.

Answer 3

I know several men right now, that dont see or call there children, because the woman that they are with is so jealous..So they just avoid it all together, to keep from getting B***tched at.
Im not saying this is your situation...Its totally NOT..he had an affair on YOU and got this other women pregnant...
It seems as you love him and are planning on staying with him, to be there a year later...
If I were you, I would encourage him to see his son..He is the father, and he needs to have a relationship with him. I know this has to hurt you, because it was the product of the affair, But remember, if he dont want to see his child, this kinda shows the character of this man...Would you want to have children with him someday? If so, and you got divorced, would he skip out on your kids also?
Just support him and encourage him...Maybe he is afraid it will hurt you and remind you of the affair...But if you are willng and wanting to work through it, this comes along with it...
Good Luck and I wish you the best..

Answer 4

That is good that he is paying child support. He does have that responsibility to meet his son's needs.

If he doesn't want to see his son just yet, then you need to give him some time to do so.

He also needs to know that it is not the child's fault for his dad's behavior. Your husband needs to know that it is important for him to see his son so he can bond with him, hopefully he will want to bond as his son grows up.

Don't let the child pay for his mistakes, in years to come when the child is old enough, he will be asking for his biological dad. What is your husband going to do after he starts asking for him?
This child has the right to see his dad.

I think your husband is maybe upset to the fact that he made some mistakes and now he has to pay for the consequences. His son is born out of a broken home. But don't let him deny his son, because he will regret it later, when it comes time for his son's growing years like toddler, teen, adolescent, young adult, and adult years.

His son will be needing him then and even now.

Answer 5

Have you told him you have forgiving him and that what has happened, has happened, and he cant blame the child? Are you ok with it? You need to make sure you can before he takes on this commitment. When he does you are both in this together, don't let him tell you different, maybe his guilt is making him feel like he cant take responsibility for this child in fear you may think he will do this again? You need to reassure him of what you would do and its ok you will be there .

Answer 6

You should definitely encourage him to see and develop a relationship with his son. He might feel uncomfortable talking to you about it and he may feel that seeing his baby might upset you in some way. He probably feels guilty and it probably isn't easy for you but in the long run its better for him to be a father to the baby, the baby didn't ask to be born in this situation so it shouldn't have to grow up w/o a father. I personally couldn't respect a man who neglects his child.

Answer 7

He is probably embarressed or thinks that it will upset you by talking about it. Obviously you have chosen to stick by him, so let him know when you are ready to start dealing with the baby. I'm assuming that he wants to see his own child, but he is afraid of hurting you more. Just have an honest talk with him and let him know that, once again, you are here for him. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Somehow your husband must realize how important it is for him to bond with his biological child. Unfortunately you're in the middle, but if you can handle it, continue to invite the child to visit his father and your family. If you can include the child in your family and provide a more stable relationship with his/her father, then the child will grow to appreciate you both. How the child's mother is going to explain this to her adult child is another question, but should not be of your concern. Treat this as adopting a child into your family and God Bless.

Answer 9

If you think its important for him to be in this child's life maybe you can go pick the child up for the day and spend time w/ him or take him shopping. Maybe your husband feels guilty and thinks that if he brings him up he will be rubbing it in your face or he may think its disrespectful altogether. So by taking the initiative your husband will see you have his best interest in heart.

Answer 10

Are you two interested in being proven "right", or being happy? Unless you are both on the same page, and have each dropped your ends of the rope, this is not going to work. But I would say if someone is screwing around (either or both of you) after only two years, it does not look promising for your relationship. Face facts, and get help - or break it off.