Anyone have any ideas what the psychological reasons behind not wanting to let people in emotionally could be?

Question

I don't really like discussing my feelings unless something really has to be got off my chest. i feel better and more comfortable having these feelings private and guarded and known only to me. a lot of people are like this (or as some people would describe it - closed up). can anyone think (just out of curiosity) what the psychological reasons or fuctions for this would be? i know my own reasons and it has not been detrimental to me but that is because there are levels of it.

i know what the original causes it can stem from are (sorry to hear of your traumatic past wendy) but for instance, if there was no great trauma or observations made..why would someone be then? is it a natural character trait? a decision? a mixture?

landc - yes i know what you mean! it's amazing how helpful developing a logic overrider can be!
i have had major things happen and i'm sure they contribute to it but i can't believe they are the whole reason

Answer 1

I too have suffered from this problem and believe it is a reaction to the fear of rejection. It is an involuntary action and you cannot help it. I now have help from my GP and a counsellor and recommend that you visit your doctor and ask for help before you start to feel suicidal. Have you not a friend or parent who can give you moral support as even a visit to the doctor can be terrifying. An abused childhood or relationship and even a knock at work can trigger these feelings. Be brave and kind to yourself and get help now. Good luck, I'll be thinking about you!

Answer 2

it's a fear of some sort and the only person who can really answer what type is you... whether it's a fear of being rejected, being wrong, getting hurt, hurting someone else...

You may not have a a HUGE dramatic experience that has made you feel so guarded... it could be as simple as small things that you've gone through or possibly seeing someone you know and/or care about go through something more dramatic in life - and you simply don't want to chance that.

Sometimes people even falsify a fear. For example, I'm terrified of birds... don't know why or when that all started but I am. And I've noticed that when birds are around I start panicing a little - then I realise that if I would just take a deep breath and relax, there's nothing to be afraid. Instead I just hype up the situation and make it worse for myself that what it really is! You know what I mean?

Answer 3

I feel that there is nothing specifically wrong with being an introvert; however, if you are in a caring relationship and don't show love to that special someone you may end up alone. Maybe you could reach a happy medium with yourself. Possibly knowing when you bottle up your feelings and when not to. This is a very difficult task. I am an extrovert however, I have trouble showing my love. I was raped by gunpoint as a teen-ager, had an alcoholic father, my mother hated me because I looked like my father, several abusive relationships and find myself afraid to show those feelings. I believe that bottling up all of your feelings could hurt you in the future. This could cause serious health issues such as high blood pressure, heart trouble etc... I found a release in exercise. I found that if I found other people that enjoyed the same activities that I do then there was always something to talk about and a few of those people I can trust and will show my feelings to. It is a healthier choice.

Answer 4

There are not always deep seeded serious psychological reasons for behaviour. Some people are by nature more reserved and not as publicly emotional. Nothing wrong with that unless it bothers you. Personally I wish more people had that quality. We all have different personalities and that's a good thing.

Embrace your individuality, love yourself.

Answer 5

Issues in our sub-conscious, such as childhood abuse, rejection or bereavement, can hinder or sadly even prevent us from having the confidence or appropriate social skills and diplomacy to form lasting relationships with others, particularly, it seems, with the opposite sex. At least, that is my own experience and it is a terrible burden to carry in life. The Solution? Bring it to a head, stay up all night and cry and exorcise your demons!

Answer 6

Previous trauma, or awful situations you couldn't get away from. The solution is to re-establish trust again. That may take some doing, but the whole thing hinges upon trust.

Answer 7

By opening yourself up, you are making yourself vulnerable. You really have to trust the other person, therefore. Also, maybe you are concerned that it will be interpreted as weakness. Although, I thought women did this sort of thing all the time. Men, on the other hand, tend not to.

Answer 8

You sound analtical. Sometimes when a door opens.. it just opens.. no hidden reason. My daughter was born emotional closed. Just her personality. I used to call her poker face. She was just serious and closed off. However I am a free spirit and take feelings and emotions very seriously, but I goof off as much as possilbe in an adult way... so she did learn to open up. It took me 4-5 years to build her trust enough that she would loosen up and talk to me and just lighten up abit. No reason, just her peronsality.

Answer 9

You put up barriers when you are a youngster as it is an instictive response to getting emotionally hurt. That response, those barriers, can become outdated and ineffective as we get older and more sophisticated. They may even undermine us.
We need to develop new responses from the increasing knowledge that we gain as we grow. I suppose you could call it "Adult Development".

Answer 10

well there could be many reasons why you are like that...i am like that to and have a hard time opening up to people and sometimes i never do..but you could have trust issues or you might not like dumping your feelings on other people or you could just be shy and feel ackward talking about your true feelings etc.