my marriage is falling apart what do i do?

Question

my wife and i have been together since high school and have two kids ages 5 and 8 weeks(2 months) old but we are always at each others throtes i have just started an appreticeship full time with my father in carpentary and i am sick and tired of everything in our marriage includeing the fact we have a crap sex life once a fortnight (if lucky) and thats after i make a point of it and no im not rough i love takeing my time so thats not it! also nothing ever gets done unless i do it i mean she does the washing (if lucky) and thats her full days work around the house! she says that its because shes always running after the baby but thats rubbish as this has been going on for as long as i can rember! so the other day i stayed up the whole night cleaning only for the house to be trashed again and she didnt even cars about my efforts staying up all night she said something along the lines of thats nice or something like that! im at my wits end and only see this ending in divorce any help?

Answer 1

Well she sounds like a slob, she doesn't want to change so i would try to talk to her if that doesn't work i would leave and start filing for a divorce.

Answer 2

Why do you see this ending in divorce? So your tired of her not cleaning the house. Do you know how much work goes into raising a child. Not for just one parent but for both. Have you ever considered that she's not interested is sex because she's exhausted?
Here's the problem, people date, get married and have kids. Then the woman is not the size 4 she was in high school and she then becomes unattractive to her spouse.
If this has been going on for as long as you can remember, you both need to sit down and make some compromises. Your marriage doesn't have to end because the house is dirty. Maybe she is feeling the same way about you and you don't know it.
Before you file divorce papers, think about what your doing. Think about how this is going to effect your children in the long run. Get some couseling. There are people who will listen and help you keep this marriage togther.

Good luck.

Answer 3

She may be having what is referred to as the Baby Blues. You need to be patient, and if she is having mood swings she needs to see a doctor. It can be very serious.

Two little ones does take its toll on you. You don't see it when your at work. It's not just the physical aspect of it, it's also the being constantly aware in case the baby gets into something dangerous so it takes a mental tole on you also.

A lot of new mothers don't want to have sex right after giving birth, that's not unusual. Also as years go by in a marriage your sex lives do change to a less frequent basis and you grow close in other ways.

Give her time and if your both worried about it ask her to see a doctor.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you. Marriage is never easy and it REQUIRES compassion and commitment from both parties.

I know it's not always financially possible, but maybe you could take a vacation together...without the babies. Have Grandma take them for a few days. It that's not possible, maybe Grandma could take them to her place overnight so you two could go out to dinner, but then come home alone..together. Have you tried counseling?

Sometimes people just fall into a rut. It sounds like she may be taking advantage of you and your efforts. She needs to put some effort into it, too. Not just with cleaning, but with communicating, emotional and physical contact. I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. First and foremost: get control of your feelings and don't fight with her. Have a talk with her. If it starts to escalate into an argument, tell her calmly that you will continue the conversation when she can get control of herself.

A word of advice...BOTH have to want it to work. Otherwise it will be no use.

I wish you luck!

Answer 5

I know what you're going through. I've been through the same. I would advise that you don't try and hide your feelings from either of them. Anger and feelings of betrayal are normal. They are in a pretty horrible place too now, but in order to make the right decisions for themselves and for you they need to know how you feel and what you're thinking. Emotions are running hot and they will probably say and do things which they will regret. Your mother wants to run away, which is normal. I'm guessing, since you don't want to leave, that you like your Dad and the place where you live. It's good you told her you don't want to move. If you want her to listen, honesty (blunt honesty) is always best. My parents seperated: my Dad got remarried and my mother has jumped from relationship to relationship. It's been a very bumpy ride but I can say that I've come out of it all right and a much stronger person. Your parents still love you. Things might seem chaotic and dark right now, but I promise that it will get better.

Answer 6

What you should really try to do is to just go out to dinner and talk about your difference and the problems that you are both having to deal with. You shouldnt end your marrige becuase think about what your kids would be going through. It might seem hard to last another day with each-other. Think about this if you do get divorced and you latter realize that you made a stupid chose you might not be able to get back the women of your life. You can only chose what you belive is right for your slef and for your family. Good luck.

Answer 7

It's time to get control of your emotions. Get your heart out of this, it will help. If this marriage is over then you need to start getting you ducks in a row. Start saving money in a place that she can not find (for later) . Start checking around for divorce lawyers, asking friends that have been through this kind of thing what else you should be doing.

Answer 8

It sounds like she doesnt appreciate you. Does she work? If she doesnt, she should easily have some time to keep the house straightened up. Im not saying spotless, but clean. Kids keep you busy, but there are ways to keep them busy also. Sounds like you are trying to better your work situation with an apprenticeship. Smart. Its worth it in the long run. As for the sex? MOST women could care less about sex. Its just not really that important. I would do some serious thinking about your marriage and let her know what your thinking. You deserve better.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are one unhappy fellow. You need to talk to someone, a councellor and fast and you need to bring your wife with you too. See if you can talk to her, and make her understand that what is going on in your marriage right now has you worried and sick at heart. Try to be gentle and not critical of her but explain that her behaviour or lack of enthusiaum for taking care of your home has you confused and at wit's end.
Explain to her that you love her very much, and if she needs anything and feels that her life is lacking anything she should come to you, that you are there for her and want to do everything to make her life happy. If she is bored and needs time for herself you can understand, but she must make some effort in taking care of you, the children and the home. If she will not listen, and will not come to a councellor with you, I suggest you talk to her parents or someone that she rescepts a lot and let them into what is happening to your marriage and solitate their help. Maybe they can reach her before she loses you and her family.
I hope this helps. Many women left all day at home with small children, become lonely and bored.. See that she has some outside activities, like the gymn, craft classes, a hobby, sewing, what ever will give her some personal space and time for herself and make her feel like she is a person in her own right. Please encourage her to do this, anything, even classes at a college, it will boost her self-esteem and she will be more willing to give if she feeling better about herself.. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 10

you need a lady who can care for the kids the home and you everyday. if she is not working and then also not helping out she is only taking advantage of you and cares nothing on how you feel after working all day and then coming home to do all the work she has hsd all day to do. she is lazy and she will get no better. i bet she has time everyday to take a nap read the paper and watch tv. get rid of her and take the kids with you. there are women out there who would love to be able to stay home and make her man's home a home and let him relax when he comes in from work with dinner done laundry done home cleaned and have the kids taken care of . trust me i have been a stay at home mom a ffew times and also worked and had it all done. she is going to get worse before she gets better.

Answer 11

Do all you can, whatever happens at least you know you tried. Give her time to build her sex drive from just having a baby. Pray to God, let down your pride, don't expect grattitude in cleaning a house you live in or after children you parrented. A stronger you will benefit everyone, especially yourself.