how can i get back with my husband. we are separated because of our disabled child. my husband left us.?

Answer 1

First of all, I would like to say that my heart goes out to you. No one should be dealt a hand like that for any reason when a child is concerned, but ours is not a perfect world, nor are we perfect.

I hope that things are taken care of financially for the time being, and he has not simply left you holding the rent/payments, etc. If they are not and assistance from your family or friends is not an option, I would suggest getting in touch with either your church if you happen to belong to one or the local social services. It is times like these for which those agencies exist, so take advantage of them. There is someone out there somewhere who can help you with your immediate needs until you get things settled with him, and it is determined what is to going to happen in the long range future.

That advice should hopefully take care of those needs for the time being, so it is now time to turn my attention to something else before sending this on its way to you: Are you sure that you really desire to get back with an individual who will not love and accept your child (and consequently, YOU) simply because your child has a disability so everything is not idyllic in your life together? There are many people out there who have disabled children out there, and their relationships flourish - usually become STRONGER because of the challenges with which they are faced. Hm....what would happen with this man if you (PERISH THE THOUGHT!) were to develop breast cancer or were in an accident? He has pretty much demonstrated to you (he has to me and I'm pretty certain to most of these other readers, as well) that he is sort of a fair weather spouse when the chips are down. Is he the type of man whom you really want lurking around in an obviously unpredictable relationship for the rest of your life?

Hey, I'm no marriage counselor and I truly hope you work things out for the better with your hubby, but I suggest you thoughtfully examine all the angles in what seems to be a potentially VERY flawed relationship. You really should search your heart, your brain, and use your God-given instincts as a woman to determine the best way to handle your current situation before moving too far in any direction.

Whatever choice you make, I truly wish you and your child well!
:-)

Answer 2

I am very sorry to hear of your situation. First of all, please know that it is NOT your fault. Having a disabled child could happen to any couple. It is not something you or your husband did 'wrong' to cause this to happen.

It is very disturbing, sad, and wrong for your husband to leave on the basis of the fact your child is disabled. If you want my advice, I would not consider getting back with such a man, as he obviously has no heart, no soul, and is spineless. I am sorry to say such negative things about a man I do not know, but simply from this one action of his, it is clear he is not a good person.

I can understand why you might still want to get back with him for the benefit of the child to have a father around. However, it is better to have no father than to have a father who hates his own child. It would greatly affect the child's mental growth when faced with a parent who outwardly hates him.

If you need support, look to your family or ask the government for help. I seriously doubt your husband will do anything to help support you or the child. It shows how little he cares for both you AND the child.

I am deeply saddened you have to suffer through this experience with your husband. I hope you find a resolution and peace soon. But don't forget, you are blessed with a child, always love your child, show it all the love in the universe. The fact the child is disabled should NEVER affect the amount of love, care, or support he gets!

My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your child.

Answer 3

I would want to know why you would want your husband back. If he left you with the disabled child. Children are hard enough to raise and then add a disability to it, life is going to be very hard for you on your own. I'm sure your a very strong person, and love your child very much. I would just concentrate on raising that child the best you can and creating all the memories with the child that you can. I don't think you need a man in your life that is not strong, not when you are dealing with a disabled child. No excuses for him either like he just needs time to think or get himself together it's hard for him, that is BS, because Mom's don't need that. He sounds weak to me. Please just go on and raise that child with all your love and support.

Answer 4

Why in the world would you even want him back? If he is heartless enough to leave you and your child because the child is disabled he is no type of person that you would want to be with. Even if he were to come back he would still not have any love for the child due to the disability.

You need to just move on to find someone that is going to accept that child for who it is regardless.

Answer 5

Do you really want to be back with your husband, or are you struggling to handle things by yourself?? I'm sure you must be a strong woman to overcome what you've already been through. This too will get easier with time. If the relationship is really worth saving; then I would make sure you keep the line of communication with your husband open, and use it often! You will know in your heart if things between you cannot be repaired, and maybe it is for the better. Whatever you do, be strong and true to your heart~ you, and your child, will be all the better for it. God bless

Answer 6

Um.....if your husband left you and your disabled child why in the world would you ever want him to return.
If your husband left a disabled child then he isn't a great person! I say move on and raise your child with love and understanding !

Answer 7

Did your husband abandoned you with no intent of ever coming back to you or your marriage.. If he has you will have to let him go and move on with your life... this hurts and will be very hard to do but it will be the best for you and your child.... Does he still love you and want the marriage to work? If so then go and work on your marriage but a disabled child should not in any way have caused the seperation in your marriage... To me this is really just and excuse.

Answer 8

If your husband left then your better off without him. He obviously forgot the part in his vows, For Better, For Worse, In sickness and in Health.

That doesn't just mean for your partner it means for your kids too. If he is so weak that he can't handle a disabled child then he is not a good parent and probably not going to be there for you when you need him.

It's better you found out now then 15 years from now. Why would you want someone like that back?

Your better then that, and you can manage just fine without him if that's his attitude.

Good Luck

Answer 9

First I would like to make some corrections in your statement,
Whatever your child did, HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE for your separation from your husband.
Your husband still loves you, with all his heart, his soul and every fiber of his body.
Here are some questions that I hope will help you find your own answer.
Do you love your husband ?
Do you love him as much as you love your disabled child ?
How much time have you taken lately to tell him and show him how much you love him ? How does that time compares with the time you devoted to your child ?
To remain in a relationship, both partners must feel wanted, desired, that they are part of something together.
Has your focus shifted entirely to your child since he is disabled ? What space have you kept for him ?

Do you understand that you can give much more to your husband without taking anything from your child ?

For all I know, your husband probably left you because he felt useless and unwanted in the relationship you are having with your disabled child.

All you really need to do is to reach to him, take time together, light the furnace that burned between you two when you had your child. Understand that your child will have 2 loving parents if you give yourself and your husband the time to mend and rebuild your marriage. And it is much mor ethan what you can offer alone to your child. In your coming life, you must keep a fair balance between your child and your couple. Check the awake time spent together as your measure of fairness.

Good luck and courage in your coming choices, they may feel heartwrenching !

Answer 10

You are asking the wrong question, the question should be, Why do you want him back? It's bad enough that he walked out on you, but to walk out on his own child is absolutely shameful. You need to focus on you and your child. Maybe you can join a support group for moms with the same disabilities as your child has.