married with mature kids. never loved my husband,never felt mental or physical satisfaction with him;am just closing my door peacefully for the sake of my kids. suddenly,i fell in love..i knew the meaning of love for the first time in my life..it is not the proper time,nor the proper age..i will never ever comit a sin,i will not cheat my family..but am burning..love is touching my heart so nicely as i have never felt before..inavoidable and irrisistable feeling...what to do? the only thing that i am confident about is that i am not going to break the heart of the family that i have established 20 years ago. do i have to pay from my own mental and emotional health?
2007-01-27 10:40:38 · 64 answers · asked by sadflower 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Extremely admirable to find someone who still honors her family and marriage vows. Remember what youre feeling now are probably the exact feelings you had for your husband 20 yrs ago when you married him or you probably wouldnt have gotten married. What youre feeling for this new guy is feelings you thought you lost or put into a closet. Now this guy is only bringing up these feelings in a way thats making you feel young and alive again. Probably just like a teenage infatuation. Its not having what you want but wanting what you have. The grass is really not greener on the other side. Stay with your family and hubby as youve got alot to lose. Theres no guarantee that this guy has the same feelings for you as you do for him. Think very seriousily about it. Good luck
2007-01-27 10:52:27 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey ... I usually get mad at cheating spouses, but you have suffered long enough, If you missed out on what real love is and you have kept yourself from cheating this long then I say you need to talk to your kids and your husband, about where the relationship have come. You sound like you have given this all you have and been faithful in what you believe, I'm so sorry that you are just now finding out what love feels like. For myself, I love to be loved. I mean really loved. It does make you burn and want more, it set you free, it make you feel things that you didn't know you was capable of feeling, it scares you and yet make you feel safe.Honey if you haven't loved him in 20 years, don't think he don't know you don't love him. Don't think he don't suspect you of having a new love. You're probably happier than you've ever have been. You said it's not the right time or age. Love knows nothing about time and age. I know this... everything has a time and a place. Maybe this is your time. Resolve one relationship before getting into another one. Don't try to hang on to both, because you could miss the one you really love by not moving when the time is right. He might feel you are keeping him on a hook. I lost the man I love that way. I didn't want to hurt the one I was with and I didn't want to upset the home, so I stayed in that unhappy relationship and lost the man of my dreams. Honey, when you are in love the sex is better than anything in my 40 years experiencing. I can't tell you how it was here, but Let me just say I lost 20 pounds, flatten my abs and my butt. Love make the best sex, conversations, dinners, t.v time ect... I waited until this age to find real love and I lost it. Don't you do the same. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND GOD BLESS!!!!!
2007-01-27 12:35:13 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your kids are indeed mature they should understand that you also need to be happy, sit them down and explain it to them. If they don't understand then that's their problem. You deserve to be happy to.
To be fair to your husband, discuss it with him first and he may offer you a divorce to let you be happy, then you can both confront your kids with the issue.
Your morals are commendable but you should not be a martyr, discuss it first with your husband then your kids then get a divorce.
But, one word of warning, the grass is not always greener on the other side, it's usually an optical illusion. Your new found love is not always going to be as it is now, once you have a commitment and time goes by things will change.
Think hard and long before you jump into this, it will change your life as you know it now.
But above all be true unto yourself, and do what makes you happy, others will be fine after they realize how happy your are.
2007-01-27 10:50:51 · answer #3 · answered by unknown friend 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you never loved your husband, then for Gods Sake why did you marry him. Now you have ruined a number of lives if you leave. You much have felt something at one time to have children
I think you already answered your own question when you said you would not commit a sin or cheat on your family. It sounds to me that you want someone to make that decision for you and that is what you are waiting for, for someone here with your question to tell you to go for it. Your not getting that from me. Remember marriage is a commitment for life.
2007-01-27 10:52:08 · answer #4 · answered by mammafran77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow - big question. Leaving a 20 year relationship is something I have done. Its very very hard. Takes years to get over. Take some time with your decision. Get some counselling. Try to stay away from the person you think you love until you get clear, this might take months. You usually don't end up with the person you leave for, which I know you will find hard to believe at this point, but its true. You never ever leave for someone else, you leave for yourself. Rescue yourself. i don;t mean to sound hard, I do sympathise, but am just trying to tell you the truth. Good luck
2007-01-27 11:05:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is full of risks---and yours is one too. Your children are mature and grown---so you you can make your own decisions.
A friend of mine, who happens to be totally blind gave up 22 years of marriage for true love. Her now husband is 19 years younger than she is and the couple has the perfect marriage---that's just to say that age should not be a reason. Proper time? There is never a proper time for true love. It is worth taking the risk if it is mutual. It is not a sin either. Because way back, in ancient times people were married by heart and ring, not by paper and city hall. So who are we to say that we condemn one who follows true love?
2007-01-27 10:49:18 · answer #6 · answered by What Will The Spill Kill? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but if you don't love your husband then no you should not be with him.It will also hurt you and the kids in the long run.Kids do sense that there is problems that the parents don't tell them.Follow your heart.But staying with your husband because of the kids is not the right thing to do.You should be happy.If by chance you do leave yes it will be hard on the kids at first but after time it will get better.Good luck!
2007-01-27 10:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children can take care of themselves now so do something for yourself. Don't spend all of your life in a loveless marriage or with someone you never loved. Leave now and start your life, make yourself happy for once. Your children have nothing do to with this, they're grown so think of yourself for once.
If you don't want to commit a sin then try separation and date this new person and if you're still happy with him then divorce your husband and be with him. It's a greater sin to stay in this marriage when you know that you're not happy than it is to walk away in my book.
Your kids will understand and if they don't that's on them. You don't need anyone's approval but that of your own to be happy. You have denied yourself that right for so long now, why continue? if it were your husband who found someone else would he not walk away? it might be hard to walk away from a marriage and family that you spent years building but in the end it will be worth it. so I say GO FOR IT! at this point it's not like you have much to lose anyway since you weren't happy in this marriage to begin with.
2007-01-27 22:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to break up your family the only thing you can do is avoid this person like the plague. You will never get over that person if you continue to be around them. You sound like someone that believes in God...then use your relationship with God to overcome this and possibly build a strong NEW relationship with your husband. You have to truly believe and want this to happen in order for it to actually take place. I recommend reading a book by Joel Osteen called Your Best Life Now. Great book! It has changed my life forever. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-27 10:52:48 · answer #9 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a dilemma. I don't understand how it is that you never loved your husband or enjoyed your time with him. (wow) That is just sad to me. I can understand you not wanting to break your family's heart, but sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself in order to do what's best for everyone - even if they don't realize it first. If you stay unhappy in your marriage, you won't be making anyone happy. I'm not saying to leave your family though - how are you sure that this love interest is for real? Maybe what you need to do is a bit of soul searching to find out what you really want to do with your life. You only get once chance to live. Live it as best as you can. Good luck.
2007-01-27 10:45:00 · answer #10 · answered by ♪ ♥ ♪ ♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋