my 1 month old wants held ALL THE TIME!!!!!?

Question

It's the only way to get him to stop cring. he does not seem to like his swing or bouncy seat too much. the only time he'll lay down by his self is when he is ready to sleep at night. i don't want to spoil him. But I refuse to let him 'cry it out' i have tried it and 'neither' of us liked it. I am a stay at home mom so it's not like he CAN'T be held all the time, I would just like a break once or twice a day :) ,

Answer 1

I say hold the little guy. I have 5 kids, and I would give anything to go back to this time. Do you remember the day you brought him home? See how quickly the time flies? I would not worry about him being spoiled, he just wants to be close to you. I have a 10 year old like that. She is very sensitive and always wants to be close to her mommy. Hold him until he falls asleep and then you shall have your break. LOL Maybe if you keep holding him he will see that you aren't going anywhere and start liking to be in the seat more? I remember putting my daughter in her seat on the table while I cooked. I talked to her while I cooked. Those were the good days! My kids are 13, 10, 8, 5, and 4. Take it from an "expert" you can't spoil them by holding them too much. Enjoy your time while you have it girlfriend! Before you know it he will be trying to hide from you so his friends won't see him with his mom! :)

Answer 2

Those first 3 months are REALLY tough. It seems like all mine did at that age was sleep, eat and cry. Sometimes mine wouldn't stop crying no matter what I did.

TRUST YOURSELF. I was worried about whether I was holding him too much. My mother was telling me I would spoil him. One book I read said you can't spoil him and that I should hold him all the time. Going back and forth between all the different opinions nearly drove me nuts at first. If I held him, I worried I was spoiling him. If I didn't hold him, I worried he didn't feel loved. After a while, I had to shut all of this mess out and trust myself.

You have one responsibility during those first few months: keeping you and your baby alive and as sane as possible.

If holding him all the time keeps him from crying and you can hold out to do it, then fine; do it. There will be plenty of time when he's older and feeling more stable to let him know he can't be held all the time and to toughen him up. The time may come when you have to let him "cry it out", but it doesn't have to be now.

On the other hand, if you can't hold out, a little crying isn't going to hurt him. Some babies even need to cry to get to sleep (even this early). It's a way for them to work out their frustration. So don't worry that you're doing any permanent damage. At some point, most mothers I know have to leave the kid in the crib and step away for a five minute break so they can regain their sanity.

As far as wanting a break without him crying, that may not come for a little while longer. Do what's necessary to make it through this first period--if that means holding the kid all the time, so be it.

If you can hold on for the first three months, I PROMISE THIS WILL GET EASIER.

Answer 3

I agree. I don't think a 1 month old needs to be "crying it out." I did that method at 6 months...not before. My son was the same way as yours-I felt like, during the first three months, the couch was an extension of my butt! HA! All he did was sleep, eat, lay on me! However, I do recommend putting him down when you need a break. He may cry, but just walk away for about 10 minutes...it's just a small break but it's better than nothing. Get your earplugs or ipod in and just take a few minutes. Or try and lay him next to you on the couch. If you don't get a break then in about two more months the stress is going to ware on you. I don't think your spoiling him by holding him all the time..especially if he sleeps on his own at night! That's huge! Good luck!

Answer 4

I had the same problem with my baby. I'm talking all day... Sounds like what you're going through. Honestly I would hold her most of the day. I wanted a break to, but hearing them "cry it out", drives me crazy and I start to feel bad. Honestly once my baby could do more, she became a lot more independent. She will be 5 months next week and loves her exersaucer and baby gym. She barely likes the swing and bouncy chair. I put her in the exersaucer at 3 1/2 months and it was a dream come true. She also loves the bumbo chair. You can try laying her down and shaking a rattle in front of her. It teaches them to lay by themselves, but they are also entertained. Sing and talk when you're walking around the house. If that doesn't work, try a baby sling. Good luck... He will grow out of it.

Answer 5

Of course he wants to be held all the time--he's one month old! There is a reason why babies cry when put down--traditionally, we'd die if put down, so it's in our genes to protest! Nurture, nurture, nurture. Just think of the warm comforting world he just came from--and to be thrust into this bright open foreign world is a huge thing to adjust to. If he can learn about the world from the safety of Mom's warm body, then all will be well. If put down too much and his needs not responded to, he will learn that there is lots to fear and become insecure. Look up the 'continuum concept' (http://www.continuum-concept.org) as well as the Happiest Baby on the Block, and others--all will tell you that for at least the first 3 months, babies need to be held. Swaddle. Try the wrap, sling, carrier. Also try recreating the womb with a little 'nest' in a bassinet--warm blankets firmly placed for him to fit into. You can't spoil a baby--meeting your baby's needs is not spoiling, it's teaching security, safety, love and healthy attachment. To do the opposite will only create anxiety and more tears.

My second baby likes being in his bouncy seat when I'm in th shower, or with music on. Experiment, but just keep on meeting his needs, and you'll get through it.

Good luck! It will get easier and gradually you will be able to put him down for longer stretches.

Answer 6

OK no matter what anyone tells you YOU CAN'T SPOIL A BABY THAT YOUNG. Now I am a mother of a 1 1/2 year old and so I understand that needing a brake from holding a child have you ever looked into getting a baby sling it is a cloth sling that the baby fits into that hugs upaganst your chest. You could get one of those that why your hand are free but the baby can still feel you and hear your heart beat. OR if you have family around you like your mother see if she can't come over a few hours or so that way you can have a brake and she gets to see her grand baby. Good luck and it will get better I promise.

Answer 7

You absolutely cannot spoil a 1 month old!!! He just wants his mama. Be grateful and enjoy this while it lasts, someday he'll be embarrased to give you a kiss goodbye when you drop him off at school, or he'll be too "big" to hold your hand at the mall. This is such a great time in your baby's development because you are the center of his universe. I know it can be trying at times, and your probably so exhausted but try to remind yourself that it's your job to make your baby feel as safe and comfortable as possible. The "break " you desire may never come exactly as you need it, except maybe in the form of a shower that lasts longetr than 2 minutes, but eventually things will settle back down. Welcome to the club!!!

Answer 8

If he is fed and dry, he may have gas. If that's not the case, he may be cold.

Have you tried swaddling him in a blanket? I'd also highly recommend a baby sling. That way your hands are free, but he is snug and secure against your body.

It is not ok to let a baby cry at this age. You cannot spoil him at 1 month. This is a time when they need to know their needs are going to be met so they develop trust.

Also...depending on what all is going on around you during the day, he may be getting stressed with alot of noise, light and such. Try putting him - swaddled - in a quiet place where he cannot come to harm. He may just need to decompress for a bit.

Answer 9

4 weeks old is so new.he hasn't been out of the snuggly cave for long. They are tiny babies for such a short time.Try to enjoy it while you can. You can't spoil a newborn. Yes he can get used to being picked up and I know you want a rest. Have you tried swaddling him tight.place him in crib and pat until asleep.make your pats get softer as his breathing changes and leave your hand a little longer away from his bot until he doesn't stir.
the sling is a good idea too, for if you can't get him to settle or he is wakeful and you can still do things.
in another 6 or 8 weeks he won't be a newborn anymore and will be more wakefull etc and you'll be wishing he was tiney again,so try to relax and enjoy it,don't worry about the hosuework,if you need to get out of the hosue,pack him up in the pram and go for a lesurely walk. Get a girlfriend over,they love holding babies:)

Answer 10

have you ever heard of a baby dying from just crying? No it's the parent's that flip out and do stuff... I know how annoying and just plain stressful it is when your baby cries, you just want to hold him and make him feel better. But you can't, they have to learn sometime. When I was in the store the other day buying my 6 month old a book I let him hold it through the entire store, when we got up to the register I told him OK honey give mommy your book so we can pay for it, as soon as I took it from him he started crying and screaming... The woman at the register tried to give it back to him, I said no, he has to learn that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it... He's almost 7 months and he already knows what the word 'NO' means... Point is, don't worry about it hon, just leave the room and let him cry.. he'll get the point soon enough.