what the friggin HELL is wrong with me?!............................is anyone like this?......................

Question

For my whole life I've been shy. It's always caused me anxiety but I've always delt with it. I grew up in a great family with supporting parents and 2 brothers and a sister. I was never very shy when I got home from school but at school I was "the shy kid". I mean through out school friendships grew and I hung out with a cool group of kids and we always had a good time. Even senior year i had a girlfriend for 18 months (i'm now in college and we've split up "for now") but now I'm at square one. In college No good friends and extremely shy. I feel like my shyness has gotten worse.. I've really tried to get out there. I joined the rowing team and that getts me out of my room but still....I dont really talk to anyone. I feel like I dont have personality or humor...NOT trying to whine or sound desperate..but I know im capable of more. I know I can make some good friends but I just dont know how to get over this problem. It's impairing my happyness. I feel like I've developed

Avoidant Personality Disorder. I don't think it's that great to for ppl to "self diagonse" problems and illnesseses and I'm not trying to jump the gun but I don't know what to do or think. I know I have personality but I just can't figure out how to get over this problem. When I see new ppl or even old friends I feel reserved and quiet and very self consious. I even find my self avoiding ppl all together at times. I've been in my dorm room ALL day...but I need help and suggestions. Is there anyway to over come this? Any one else in the same situation? PLEASE only serious and helpful answers.

Answer 1

Sounds familiar. I used to suffer from chronic anxiety- in a classroom full of students, walking down the street, going to the bars- heck, I couldn't even walk the dog without sending myself into a shame spiral. I did what I could to keep cool, but always felt like something wasn't right, or that I didn't belong, or that I wasn't sharing the same experiences everyone around me. Finally I sat down and tried to figure out just what it was that freaked me out about other people. When I realized it was me that made me uncomfortable, I was forced to reroute my thinking and interpretation of the situations.
First, what I would advise, is targeting just what it is about others that makes you feel uncomfortable. You said you feel like you don't have personality or humor. I know it sounds hard to believe, but what I've learned throughout the years is that most people feel that way (or experience other feelings of inadequacy). When you realize that most people are just as, if not more self- conscious than you, then you can finally let go of those inhibitions and let "the real you" show. I know this all may sound Sesame Street style lame, but it is the honest truth. I finally said "F~*# if and talked to anyone and everyone I was put in a room with. You know what, for every 1 prick that acted shitty to my salutations, I met 5 cool people that were happy to talk to me (infact, I met my best friend of 3 years and now roommate just by making a joke in class to a total stranger). Worst case scenario, they tell you to piss off (and that's never really happened, mostly just weird looks). Lots of times people are just as intimidated by you, they just have different was of coping with it (guys like us freak out, some guys fight, some act like wild animals, some act shitty towards others). Its not the feelings that are problematic, its how we act upon them. Use that anxiety as fuel for your social success! It gives you insight into situations and people that many overlook- use that to build your confidence.
If that doesn't work in your head, then possibly try surrounding yourself with activities or people that are more up to par with your interests and expectations. Next time your'e in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, or are confonted with a group of people that trigger your anxiety, take a minute- figure out what it is that creeps you out, and recognize that they probably have inhibitions of their own. Consider this advice a path to friendship and happiness. It took me almost 4 years of college and a whole lotta stress to figure it out, and you get it for free. Good luck and remember...no worries!

Answer 2

I don't know all the issues you are dealing with, but making all the life changes you described can be overwhelming for anybody. I mean now you need to be self-directed in your schooling, schedule your daily routine and take care of stuff you never had to do in the past (e.g.in high school the teachers tell you what to do and when to do it). Now you're cut off from family and your old friends and you seem to have cut your old girl-friend out of the picture. You lost your whole support group in one fell swoop. That's a lot of changes in a short period of time. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by getting involved. Realize others are going through similar stuff...and get realistic about the situation. I mean no one is out to get you, or think you're some ax-murderer/pervert that must be shunned at all cost right? You'd be surprised what wearing a smile and making eye contact can do to for meeting people. I'm telling you this because by nature I'm shy, especially when there are lots of new people at a party/meeting. I've overcome it largely by doing what I just said...even in foreign countries where I might now three words of the language. People are attracted to people who smile and seem interesting. You'll find they might even want to do all the talking (laugh). Hey, hope this helps.

Answer 3

My ex husband was just like you and it really bothered him too. He's a very artistic person born with an amazing singing voice. He could sing and perform in front of hundreds or thousands of people but got very nervous in small groups and one on one with people. He was well liked by everyone because of his talent & he was basically a very nice person. He always wanted to be outgoing but was always the shy, quiet one in the group. It caused him a lot of stress & even some serious depression. He never changed but I didn't really see him seek a solution.
As for you, maybe you can take some assertiveness classes...there's one that offers a seminar in different cities, it's called Dale Carnegie or something like that. Maybe you can GOOGLE that & find something to help, or maybe even take some other kind of class that would make you assert yourself more.
Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think the best thing for you would be to find someone in need and help. Volunteer to help troubled kids or mental health patients or find work helping at an old-folks home. In trying to help other people who have more problems than you, your own problems will be less on your mind. Shyness -- being self-conscious -- is a form of self-absorption. The first step to breaking free is to start thinking about someone else. I'm sure a church or community service group would be able to help you find a way to serve.

And it's ok to be reserved. Not everyone is bubbly and chatty. Many of the great thinkers, writers, and composers were surly introverts.
But back to serving. Based on your description of yourself, I think you would find working at a retirement home very fulfilling.

Answer 5

Hey you have allready taken that first step you joined a rowing team. Now do you hang out with the guys afterwards or hightail back to the dorm. Look for one of the easy going members.. ask them what other teams they are on. or were on.. if they answer say okay and move on.. one question .. one interest.. your doing fine.. don't panic most people are more like you than you realize.
Take small steps.. ask questions maybe they will ask you one back! And you dont ' need meds either!

Answer 6

I'm also shy. It's the same thing with me too. I go home and talk a lot. Then when I'm out I don't talk very much at all. I tried to just get out there, but it's kind of hard. Just try to make a friend there and talk to them. Then your friend can help you just get out there.