Does an affair reset your anniversary date.?

Question

I found out my wife cheated not once but twice. We got past it for my child, and we are much better now. I am still uneasy around anniversaries because they symbolize how long we've been together, but she has strayed in between. Would it be fair for me to say I dont want to celebrate them anymore?

Answer 1

Then you really haven't forgiven her.. this happened to my spouse and me.. We renewed our vows.. for me even though my husband cheated on me, it didn't affect the thought of my anniv. date because that to me also resembled the vow I took " for better or worse" I looked at it like this, he cheated on me but all those years I still kept my vows and the length of time I put into it. I guess what I am saying is turn it around and look at it a different view as its your anniv. that you worked at and you deserve to celebrate being faithful, committed, etc... Also, think of it this way, you two were strong and successful together to survive..

Answer 2

If your wife cheated twice, she will probably do it again. She obviously didn't learn anything the first time around. As far as getting past it for the sake of your child, please don't stay together just for the child's sake - you really aren't doing the child any favors. Kids are alot smarter than you think, and catch on to what's really going pretty quickly. Having said that, if you are uneasy about celebrating your anniversary, then obviously you haven't "gotten past it" as well as you thought you had. If you are really committed to making this marriage work, then you really should be celebrating your anniversaries. While I can understand why you would not want to celebrate them, not celebrating your anniversaries is like throwing the cheating thing in your wife's face (not that she doesn't deserve that). So, it's really up to you to decide. If you are committed to making this marriage work, then celebrate the anniversaries, and don't stoop to her level.

Answer 3

You have obviously not gotten past it or it would not even be entering your mind.

An anniversary is celebrating the years you two have been together, that hasn't changed. You have still been together for the same amount of time.

What are you proposing that you subtract the 2 nights she was with someone else and celebrate 2 days later.... Get Real, if you forgave her and worked it out then let it go and move on like it didn't happen.

If you don't and you keep throwing it in her face it will destroy what you have tried to repair.

Answer 4

I think NOW is the most IMPORTANT time to find ways to celebrate your relationship...it's like turning 30 - nobody wants to but it's there and you should, I guess. Sure, you are angry and hurt and feel resentful but are you saying that you will never celebrate what you two DO have together? You both found something to love about the other person - you made mistakes - but if you give up on this, then why not give up on everything? Why bother trying to love and trust again at all? It's like the old expression "do you want to be right or do you want to be HAPPY?". If you are committed to making the relationship work, then DO the work it takes to make it work - that is just what it TAKES. I am mojo jojo (sorry, it just seems pretty plain to me and I accidentally repeated myself). I would bet your wife feels really bad about what happened and is kicking herself enough for the both of you...if you want to stay married, buy the damn present, tell her she looks pretty and go out to dinner. If you don't want to stay married, then keep playing the blame game and don't try anymore, lose out on what it COULD be, and spend your life bitter - it's YOUR CHOICE...and who am I that my opinion matters anyway - you should be talking to your wife and saying how can we get through this and you love her.

Answer 5

While that may be what you'd like to do - it might prove to be a problem around the bigger ones like 5, 10, 15, etc when friends and family might want to plan a celebration,causing a situation which requires explanation.
Plus, it would indicate to your wife that you haven't really forgiven her, and the date would be a constant reminder to the both of you.
You and your wife might want to consider some marriage counseling - I know, I can hear you groan from here. If you truly want to be able to continue your marriage, doing it "for your child" won't work. While you might stay together, eventually your child will pick up on the tension. (I know, I've was the child) So, staying together is up to you and your wife doing the right thing.
I wish your family the best.

Answer 6

No, your anniversary date won't get changed, because that's when you got married: I would like to point out something to you here:
If your wife cheated then maybe it would be worth it to look at what she found out there that you appear not to give her. I am a woman, and I can tell you that I will not stray if I get good treatment, adequate finances for the household, and naturally good sex. A lot of people try to say that sex is not important---Unfortunately it is, it can make or break a relationship....

Answer 7

Fair isn't the question. The question is do you really want to create more problems? As long as you two are married, you should at least acknowledge your anniversary. Telling her you want to eliminate it, sends the message that your marriage isn't what it was, and it never will be again. I suggest you forget it, or simply get divorced, if you can't let go of the past.

Answer 8

Well, wives typically think their wedding anniversary is another birthday party for them. The husband deserves some credit too, not just throwing a party for the wife. You obviously forgave her and took her back, so I don't think it's fair since you decided to give her another shot at committment. I don't think you should have to go out get her expensive jewelry, simply a card and an I love you is good enough. She should definitely be throwing you a party for your anniversary. Think about this and it might make sense. Today is actually my anniversary and I never expect my husband to throw "me" a party, we throw one together.

Answer 9

Your relationship years are a moot aspect via the undeniable fact that is a diverse anniversary than taking the vows of marriage. you would possibly want to say you've been jointly for x years and married y years or some thing of that nature notwithstanding human beings often assume except a pair is married there become no authentic binding dedication.

Answer 10

Not wanting to celebrate your anniversary any more implies that you're unsatisfied with whatever resolution to your wife's affair(s) that has kept things going. I'm not trying to find fault with your choice, but it seems like there's something unresolved that needs to be locked down before the healing can truly begin.