My partner is a bully - I am at the end of my tether?

Question

He has been like this for the last 4 years and taken away all my self-respect, self esteem, dignity and courage. I have no friends or family and wait for him to fall asleep in a drunken mess before I allow my tears to flow. I can't believe how I have allowed my life to get this bad. He puts on an act for everyone else and whoever meets him thinks he is great. Behind closed doors he is hell to live with. I used to work as a successful accountant but have moved to the middle of nowhere and I cannot find work so have to rely on him (which he loves). He used to accuse me of sleeping with every man at work (I hardly say boo to a goose, let alone have an affair), and now I am not working, he comes home at different points during the day as he thinks I must be sleeping with the postman or the milkman (anyone and everyone). He is verbally abusive every day and shouts at me after he has had 7 or 8 drinks. Says there is something wrong with me and is always swearing at me. I am so low.

Answer 1

Why are you still there? Have a look in your local phone book and see if there are any women`s groups or refuge in your area. Failing that have a word with someone in your local social services on Monday morning, they will know where to send you. Probably the best thing would be to move home to your family, parents, brother or sister, and get yourself sorted out from there.
There is nothing wrong with you, I work with people like him and their attitude towards women sickens me to bits. You have been unlucky, but don`t blame yourself, a man who bullies another human, whether physical or mental, is not BIG MAN in the eyes of other men.
But don`t loose faith in the male form of the human race, we aren`t all bad. I am quiet and easy going and love my inner circle of family and friends to bits, but the person who mistakes quiet for stupid soons finds that they have made a big mistake. Get yourself sorted out and start by building your social life again, go along to your local sports centre/gym and find out what clubs/ classes are held and join one.

Answer 2

Been there, done it. I had my family for support and so ran away (literally) in my slippers with a baby in a pushchair. Never looked back, he begged me to come back with the usual crap...I'll change, so sorry etc etc. Too late for that. It was tough and very scary once I had a home with furniture etc given to me by charity as my family never had much money. But my child's life improved dramatically from that day on and I've never looked back.
I always say now that although the experience was very bad, it moulded the person I am today.....strong, confident and responsible. My child is now a grown woman, a mother and the same as me. I don't want to think what would have become of us both if we had stayed.
Take every ones advice here, find help through Citizens Advice, or Social Services and start living your own life, which WILL BE HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND FULL OF GOOD EXPERIENCES. Maybe given time you will find someone who really loves you and will encourage you in everything you wish to do and be. The very best of luck to you. Don¡t waste any more time, do it NOW. Good luck

Answer 3

Get OUt NOW!!! I stayed with a drug addict for way way to many years. It is scary but you are better without him. All he does is make you feel lousy about yourself. He seems to care for noone but himself. I am not saying it will be easy, but if you stay you are just wasting your life away. You sound very intelligent and you have good job skills so finding work in a different area shouldn't be too difficult. Let him wallow in his drunken stuor and leave. Find someone who supports the things you do and wants a real partner ship so that you can both grow together and help each other in the bad times. No one should stay with a man who belittles them. No one should spend their life in tears. Contact some local agencies and even churches, they can help you get away. Even a local abuse shelter may be a good first step. They are not only for physically abused women. They many times have the resources to help get started away from the drunken jerk you now live with. Love is not supposed to be one person hurting all the time. It is time for you to start loving yourself again and move on with the happy productive life I know you can have. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

GET OUT OF THERE NOW! Do not even tell him you are going..pack up what you need when you send him on some errands ( so he cant pop in and spy on you---or else get the cops to stand around while you pack what you need ) and then drain some money out of his bank account and hit the road and dont look back. I just left someone because they liked to talk to twenty year olds and hide it from me and I have a kid with this guy and I had no problem leaving so I realize fear is holding you back from leaving him but just do it..before there is even less left of you..leave town dont ever contact him get a restraining order and go somehwere he wouldnt suspect you to go to. Get a good job again and find a new man. GET therapy as well....and I know probably hundreds of people are going to tell you the same thing but DO IT please..his name calling verbal abuse will turn to violence mabye adn you dont neeed that..youve already sacrificed everything for this guy and he doesnt deserve anything he deserves to be alone forever! SO leave, and when you do do not let him know y ou are leaving..he may fly into a rage..just plan your escape and dont let him in on it. Please get out...you deserve better..and if you want to have kids do it with someone who will not abuse them....leave for your sake and your future childrens sakes.

Answer 5

If you want to learn all of the strategies behind the art of seduce a lady then that https://tr.im/NmE5b is the book.
The Tao of Badass is an original and specific eBook that includes the fundamental and feasible strategies to get the lady you need, finding noticed by the ladies and or more girls wondering you out for a date.
To wrap points up, you'll receive a completely step by step classification of the phrase badass that is greatly utilized in the book – ‘badass '.
Joshua Pellicer brakes down the word ‘badass'in to 25 crucial components so you know precisely how to be ‘that person'who gets all the women he desires.
Learning ‘why you do it' is needed for adding your trust in the brand new methods you learn.
Tao of Badass will enable you to get absolutely fired up going to the clubs and start adding your brand-new abilities to rehearse!

Answer 6

don't be a victom, leave. It reminds me of my exboyfriend who Im pregnant too. He was so selfish and awful to me, he needs help. After I left, he done the sorry stuff and sending flowers and buying engagement rings, but my mother wisely said "go back to him and I will write you out my will". Besides my Mum always said "Make sure you have a career so you are no beholden to a man" and she's right. After a few months you will feel on a high that you have left him, like escaping death in a car crash. You know it's wrong so move on, the longer you delay it, the worse it will be.

Answer 7

I suggest you analise the whole marriage. how long? how many happy years? Talk with him when he is sober about the good times ask what he sees about your (the two of you as you grow old) future . Listen for hope , rational ideas ,love, when and if the time is right talk to a marriage counselor if you have no money it will be available thru churches. someone besides you will have to convince him of his bad behaviors. Confrontation from you will only make him deny and probably become worse. Other folks have already suggested places for you to run but I hope you can find whats lost or cure the illness .Agape love to you both.

Answer 8

Presumably you are unaware of having done anything that may have caused this behaviour e.g. Excessive nagging or given up sex. A bit obvious but try to pry a reason out of him for his behaviour towards you and if this is not forthcoming, it must be time to separate. Without a career, friends or a decent partner even an acrimonious split would be an improvement on your current situation.

Answer 9

So sorry to hear this hunni. I know how you feel, having been there myself, i decided to leave when pregnant with our 2nd child. Believe me i know how hard it is to think about actually leaving, and the only thing that made me leave was the thought that my kids would see what was happening and think that it is normal for women to be treated this way. Please don't stay with him, he has made you feel totally helpless because this is how he stays in control of you. You need to get away from him before he does serious damage to you psychically, he already has done enough damage mentally. The first thing you need to do is find a women's shelter, possibly through the social services, they are a great help, either that or phone the Samaritans and they will help you, for your sanity and safety, you need to escape, and start living the life you deserve.

PS the Samaritans and social services phone numbers will be in the phone book.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

You may need to examine the situation you dont deserve that! Dont waste time convincing yourself to stay but until then you need a plan to keep your sanity.You sound like my sister in law. My brother is the same way with her. She finally stop letting herself be victimized and started changing the way she handled my brother. She speaks to him without arguing, yelling, accusing and whining. you have to get a new attitude because you make things happen!! If you change yourself for the better dont let things affect you so much and realize your true worth he has no other choice but to respect that. my sister in law in now in counseling and goes to church more often. You need to grow as a person, dont let him steal your Joy!! It will be hard but I know that you can do it. You may soon need to suggest a counselor for your relationship. It sounds like he may have an alcohol problem that stems from somewhere. it sounds like he is unhappy about himself as well, so dont take it personal,. Nobody can take away your self esteem , you have to let them. Stay Well and update us!