This is a quetion I kind of posted before but I think everyoe thought I was thinking of having an affair. My hubby had the affair last year, and we have worked it out for the most part...I still have my moments. I told him flat out if he wanted the whore to go to her that I would be fine without him. He says he does not want her and now that it is over in hindsight he can see that he never wanted her, that "it was just different" and truley regrets it. He says the whole situation has made him realize exactly what he DOES have at home and how much he DOES love me. He says he really has no concrete answer as to why he did what he did, maybe because he was lonely working o far away from home for so long. My question is has anyone ever been through this and it DID make you realize your love for your spouse?
2007-01-27 07:44:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no...cheating doesn't make you realize your love for your spouse or partner nor theirs for you - but FORGIVENESS does...for both of you. Time will heal things, I think. You need to look at this situation and your dwelling on it as an ugly monster that rears it head and don't let it in anymore. Sure, he was with someone else - but where is he NOW? Does he TRY to make up for it? If so and you are still kicking him and making him your whipping boy over it, then it isn't going to solve anything and you should just pack your bags if that's all you want to do. But if you love him and really feel he loves you - WORK IT OUT. Say you won't let that ugly monster in anymore and tell yourself you will have a beautiful life and TRY to have that beautiful life. If counseling helps, do that too. You promised to love each other no matter what - now is the time to either pass or fail that test. Are you up to it or are you going to let fear and doubt and anger cheat you of being happy?
2007-01-27 12:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by think about it 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has all the right words....
It was different? Well of course it was...it wasn't his wife. I am afraid that while he may think he is not going to cheat on you again...odds are he will anyway. All the other women are different... Opportunity is why he cheated...not because it was different. Some where along the way....another opportunity will present itself and odds are, he'll try to get away with it again.
I never went through it...but how do you trust again? You may forgive him but the trust takes time.... but he also needs to be told...if it happens again, there will be no forgiveness...and you will move on without him.
Yeah he's saying all the right things that cheaters normally say.
I do Love you.
I do know what I have at home.
I don't know why I did it.
It just happened.
It was an accident.
Well I was drinking...
Do any or all of these things sound familiar?
Those are the words of every cheater out there. I can't say he will cheat again...but survey says....84% of cheaters repeat the behavior.
Good Luck!
2007-01-27 16:23:36 · answer #2 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
no it did not it made me realize how stupid I had been and how he was playing me for a door mat and you know what ? I think your husband is doing the same thing . He now knows whatever he does in the marriage you will forgive him for so he will keep cheating and when you find out you will kick yourself for not being smarter and ending it when you found out what he was doing . no I could never ever love someone who cheated on me . that is a ridiculous statement did an affair make you realize you love your spouse ? That is hoooey!!! Kick his butt to the curb and shape up girl . That husband of yours is in a class by itself it is called once a cheater always a cheater class and they never change . !!! Wise up . good luck to you.
2007-01-27 19:00:51 · answer #3 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I can't cheat. I would die of guilt. I think that if your husband was truly sorry, he would of stopped after the first meeting with this whore. He wouldn't of kept going back to her. This is deffinately eating at you whether you admit it or not. I think that it would be best if you had a fresh start. He cheated on you and it's not up to you to work through this. It's your husband who needs to do the work. Don't ever let him make you think that you we're at any fault. A real man would break it off, not sneak around.
2007-01-27 16:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by Tasha 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tragic and traumatic events can actually make a couple stronger. I really hate to say this, but it might have been a blessing in disguise to make your marriage and your committment to each other stronger. Let me give you a little piece of advice, you can forgive him, but you won't forget what he did. If you truly forgive him, then don't hang this over his head forever and make his life hell. I do believe he is remorseful and if you can't get over your anger and resentment then let him go. I'd say if you truly forgive him, you two can have a better marriage than before. Sad, but true in some cases.
2007-01-27 15:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I cheated and instead of discovering the love for my spouse I learned what was missing from my life and left my husband to pursue happiness.
On the other hand, my sister cheated and learned that her husband was the only one she really wanted. Of course, after cheating she lost him.
2007-01-27 16:04:12 · answer #6 · answered by CyndiDrum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was probably not the cheating that made him realize, it was probably the prospect of losing you. That could have very well made him change his ways. I would let him know you are very serious that if this happens again there will be no talking it out.
2007-01-27 16:16:18 · answer #7 · answered by Jennylind 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As i read your question, its seems oddly familiar. I was infact the "whore" in my situation. He told his wife the same things that yours said. But he still keeps contacting me and wants to sleep with me still. Just keep in mind that guys never change and they will always think of new ways to "beat the system". You may still love your husband, but i feel that it probably wont ever be the same as it was before you found out.
2007-01-27 15:59:42 · answer #8 · answered by Randi :) 1 · 0⤊ 5⤋