After 5 years he says he doesn't want to get married on paper...because he is married in his heart?

Question

What does this really mean? He said it is just paper for the state?

Answer 1

The paper is declaring it to the world, the paper is legal, the paper says if you cheat on me im taking half of your stuff,...
How many relationships end in divorce ....over 50 percent...so either the man has committment issues ...ok he has them. If you have to force him to marry u then he isnt worth it.

Answer 2

The problem is that without the paper you will be deprived of all benefits in case something happens to him. And even if he sets everything up in your favor: Social Security will not pay benefits to those who were not legally married to their spouses.

My mother and my stepdad were not legally married, and upon her death my stepdad is not eligible for survivors benefits.

If there are children, then the children will receive benefits if he is known to be the father(paid child support for example). One way or the other, his statement might be true, but from the legal perspective should the Union be legalized so that the both of you will not be deprived of benefits.
Lastly, if there is no last will you would not be able to receive anything--from 401k to pension plan. All this has to be in a last will, specifying a beneficiary, the documents have to be signed and notarized, or you will not get anything. The same counts for the event that something would happen to you--he would not qualify for any benefits on your account unless you left a last will---but with all this neither one of you would qualify for a Social Security check. Being eligible for a Social Security check, even if it is only at age 62/65 might not sound very interesting, but it most certainly has its benefits, including medicare.
So when you talk to him, you might be able to point these things out to him to see what his opinion is.

Of course, there could also be the possibility that he is afraid of this final step and that he is so comfortable in the current setting of the relationship that he does not want to go a step further. In that case the decision is yours...Good luck

Answer 3

I know a certain couple that have been together for over 30 years. They are happy and never got married. Marriage is the quickest way to end a relationship. It does change everything and just that paper adds way too much stress on a relationship. I say keep the guy and don't get married. You might be a lot happier, rather than divorced and not together a year after your vows. p.s. i'm on my second marriage so I know how it works. If this don't work out...NEVER AGAIN!

Answer 4

He's being an A**HOLE if you ask me. Basically he does not want to incur the costs of getting married. I have heard this situation so many times before and this is what comes from it. If a couple lives together before marriage, they are more likely to divorce or seperate. The reason being is that if there was no committment in the beginning, things will not change after marriage. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Ever heard of this saying? He is just being a jerk about it. You should kick him to the curb! You deserve better than that sorry excuse for a man!

Answer 5

He is right, but he will not get the tax benefit. Marriage is in decline, the vows taken have no real meaning. It is reported that now there are more single parent families then "core" families...52% to 48%....Family is in a steep decline and the main reason for this (my opinion) is that men have slowly been regulated to the back of the bus. They are attacked by women groups on every front, for every job and even in our schools. The rise of women in their thirst for power has had an unexpected result...men are no longer expected to be the care taker of the family and with this role removed why would a man need to get married? It has become common in this new world for the love of self to become more important then family. the idea of sacrifice to try and make your dreams come true is fading into a new world of instant credit and PS3's as your focus for self satisfaction. so here is a truth, you have been with him 5 years if you can keep him under your control for 2 more years you become a common law wife and a 50% owner of anything he has....

Answer 6

Well technically thats accurate.. a legal wedding and a religious wedding really have nothing to do with each other.

My guess is that he just dosent wanna get married.. some people don't you know (I tried it X-actly once.. Umm not likely ever again unless she has a huge trust fund and signs a prenup)

There really isnt much of a point in getting married anymore as its just way to easy to get a divorce at the drop of a hat. Current divorce rates are running around 52% + and I suspect the number is that low just because the other 48% just havent gotten around to it yet.. So whats the point?

Answer 7

When he loses consciousness for any reason at all...something as simple as a fender bender straight through and including his first brush with high blood pressure, stroke, angina, whatever. When they notify the next of kin...it will be his long lost brother, father, mother, cousin...not you. Whomever that stranger is will also have the final say so over what doctor he can see and what hospital he goes to. Your guy may try to cover this with a living will, or with power of attorney papers...However----if his next of kin disagrees and contests his documents left for you--- the courts will let that stranger call all the shots. That stranger can legally prevent you from even visiting.

If your man thinks he is 10' tall and bulletproof, then you need another man. Why should he marry you if he has all the benefits of a marriage and none of the shared responsibility?

Answer 8

Of course paper is for the state, but you live in the state, so tell him that as you are already married according to his heart it is now time to get married according to the state. Its Valentine's Day very soon, make it an occasion, candle light dinner and all and then tell him that you want to marry him because you want the world to know that you belong to him. Good Luck.

Answer 9

He doesn't want the commitment. He's keeping his options open so that he can leave quickly and cleanly if someone "better" comes along. He can also do the "it's not like it means anything" speech if you catch him screwing someone else. It's not just paper. Being married protects YOUR rights. Think about it. If he dies, you inherit nothing unless he put it in his will. You get no survivor's benefits, social security. Right now, you have no security!! But, as they say, why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?!?

Answer 10

It means he's happy playing house without any real obligations or commitment. He's hoping you'll buy the married in heart line. You should tell him that making it formal doesn't change what's in your hearts, it just makes your relationship recognized by the state, and shows your families and friends how much you truly love each other. Or, just shut up and keep your shackup as it is; if you're willing to settle for that.