...but the problem is i'm not married and my boyfriend has expressed how much he does not want a child yet. he says he does eventually, just not yet. But here's another problem, its easy for him to say that b/c he's only 26. I on the other hand am 37 and as we all know, i might not have much time left. i already have an 8 year old son from a previous marriage and my b/f is soooo amazingly good with him i cant even put it into words. he treats him so well and my son absolutley adores him so i have no doubt that my b/f will be a great father. how unethical is it of me to not take my b/c pills and claim it was an accidental pregnancy??? we have been dating for over 3 years now, so its not like an accidental pregnancy would be totally impossible...i know my b/f wants to be a father eventually and i love him very much, would it be wrong of me simply have him be a father just a teeny weeny bit sooner than he planned on account of i am 37?
2007-01-27 07:04:04 · 16 answers · asked by gurly_gurl25327 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Yes, I do believe that would be wrong and extremely unfair! You either need to wait until he is ready or go find someone else who is ready to have a baby---
2007-01-27 07:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by busymom 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
errr hard one. I'd normally say if your not married and he says he's not ready I would never force the issue. Until you can get him to commit to a ring, I'd never bet the farm on him sticking around as daddy.... but you're 37. You're time has already run out by 2 years according to doctors. You wont be getting pregnant anytime soon (unless you're very lucky) and you wont be carrying without risks. Any pregnancy over the age of 35 is already concidered "late". I'd talk to your boyfriend again and tell him, listen... I'm 2 years past due already, this could take a LONG time to do, if we can do it at all without 3rd part help, but i'd like to give it a try anyway. If it takes longer then a year for you guys to get pregnant then you're looking into some extreme investments as is. So if he wants to have a baby at all, he better do it now or unfortunatly it's not going to happen for him.
2007-01-27 15:24:58 · answer #2 · answered by Gig 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes!!! a child is a precious gift and should not be brought into this world without the support of both parents. you will be much better off being straight with your b/f and putting your concerns on the table, also what are his concerns and reasons for waiting? if he doesn't have the committment for marriage how do you know that he will be committed to a baby that he did not plan on? sounds like you need to resolve some other questions first. just because he is great with your son does not mean that he will be great with his baby. 2 different situations, the son is ultimately your responsibility not his
2007-01-27 15:17:03 · answer #3 · answered by onlinedreamer 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not only is it just wrong, it isnt fair to bring a baby into this world without both parents being 150% behind it. 37 is still very young. I just had a 10lb baby 6 months ago and I am 36. I would be patient and talk with him about a time frame. If he isnt sure, then I would suggest you either re-evaluate your relationship, or wait patiently until he is truly ready to be a father.
2007-01-27 15:16:02 · answer #4 · answered by mpwife_99 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you would love to have another child, especially with him, but you don't want to wait too much longer because of your age. But you have to sit him down and have that real serious talk with him. But be prepared for some answers that you might not want to hear. It's not that he may not want a baby, but that he also might not want that long of a commitment with you. I know he loves this relationship with you now, but will he still want it five to ten years from now? These are just some things to think about.
2007-01-27 15:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well id say it isnt such a gd idea 2 stop takin ur pill and trickin him into thinkin it was accidental how about talk to him say ur doctor doesnt want u using that method on contraception ne more (my mother isnt allowed 2 take the pill they r tryin to stop her using it due 2 many many years of using them and smokin) and say how u both do the best u can not 2 get pg just yet as hes not ready but if it happens then its suposed to b it will happen eventually and just remind him how well he looks after ur son maybe hes just a lil nervouse as lookin after a child and lookin after ur own child r insum ways different it puts more responsibilty on him. i hope all goes well try not 2 lie tho as it will come out in the end (as my bfs mum knows she stopped takin her pill coz she wanted a child and he didnt and shortly after he found out and they seperated)
2007-01-27 15:34:51 · answer #6 · answered by blossom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is manipulative and quite mean to your boyfriend. Instead you might have a heart to heart with him and explain the complications of a women past 35 and each subsiquent year there after. You don't want a child where a parent is resentful and you may not want to comprimise the relationship that your son has with him now.
2007-01-27 15:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by fuzzyfontaine 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it would be wrong if he has expressed that he doesnt want to be a father. I would let him know that you are running out of time to have a child and then try and wait it out for a little while. If he still doesnt want children, then I would say move on while you still can.
2007-01-27 15:23:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u didnt alreasy express how important it is to u to have another child before its too late, u should do that. And if u did and he still doesnt want one, then u really need to think twice before trying to without his knowledge. That could really backfire, and he could leave u, or resent the baby. And no relationship should be based on a lie.
2007-01-27 15:16:55 · answer #9 · answered by Chuleta Ma AkA *Chu* 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
that would be wrong. what you need to do is give him an ultimatum. tell him that if he is not willing to get you pregnant by the end of the year that you are going to call it quits. and if he says that he will not be ready by then you need to start looking for someone else who wants children.
this situation may not be right for you, but i saw a situation like this on Dr. Phil and that was his answer. just try what works for your situation.
hope this helps
2007-01-27 15:15:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You would be better served to tell him that with your age you haven't much time left. Ask him why he wants to wait and talk openly and honestly with him. If you just stop taking your b/c pills then you risk your boyfriend feeling betrayed and trapped and leaving to to raise both children alone. Do you and your child and any future children a favor and communicate openly and honestly.
2007-01-27 15:15:11 · answer #11 · answered by Huggles-the-wise 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋