marrage help?

Question

ok here it is all in a nut shell. we got married 20 years go and i wasnt the perfict husband at all and then i strayed. Now my wife wants a seperation but still live under same roof. She at least has somebody to talk to but i got nobody at all to talk to about this and get some advise. I feel lost about it and lost inside and lost and dont know who to talk to about this and getting all kinds of advice. she dont wanna try and work it out after i was given so many chances. But i want to prove to her that i am changind and want to try and make us better againand doing all the wrong things and saying all the wrong things.

Answer 1

If you are the one who cheated... you have already made the decisions that have gotten you into this predicament! I would have to say... find a church (synagogue, temple, whatever) and find someone to talk to.

You need to give your wife space. You need to understand that YOUR actions have led to this. If there was something missing in your marriage, before stepping out on your wife - you should have discussed it with her.

Overall... if you get divorced, then it sounds like you have gotten what you were looking for all together - your freedom!

Good luck - either way, what is meant to be will be!

Answer 2

I am sorry but I have to say "shut up" to everyone who tells you you're out of luck and let her go or you're an a* hole and you deserve what you get...all except the one who says to wash the car and grin and bear it - true...this is what you did and you will have to do the work if you really love her...don't cheat anymore, do everything you can to make her feel like she is the most special woman in the world...and when it doesn't immediately work, do the work anyway - even if she is mean and snotty about it. You did earn the situation by cheating - now earn her love back by being the person you know you can be and giving her the love you know she still deserves....SHE didn't cheat, right? I'm not saying you don't deserve love...I'm saying she does even when she is rightfully mad at you. Relationships aren't easy under the best of circumstances. You created more work for yourself but if you love her, prove it. I know a couple who were married for decades and when she got breast cancer, he cheated...she threw him out, he blew his money and she took him back and they built a wonderful life together - so I don't think all is lost...just really difficult. That is what life will be for a while. Good luck. :)

Answer 3

I would suggest marriage counseling, it's worth a shot. Even if she doesn't want to go, maybe some counselling would help you with your feelings. Nobody's perfect, and it takes two to make a marriage work, lots of people will say it a 50-50 thing, not always.
Sometimes it's 70-30, or 40-60. The point is if you love someone,
sometimes you need to be carried, and other times you need to carry somone. We all say things, and make mistakes, that's what make us human. Good Luck

Answer 4

If you want someone to talk to go down to a local bar and buy someone a beer. It won't help but it will give you someone to talk to. If you want someone who may help you go to a minister or priest and if you want to spring for it a counselor or psychologist. The fact is that if she wants to live under the same roof she still hasn't completely eliminated the possibility of staying with you so you need to be on your utmost best behavior for the next few months at a minimum. Leaving flowers, cards, teddy bears, washing cars, doing dishes, etc. No matter what she does to you in return, you have it coming to you so grin and bear it.

Answer 5

The way you can prove to her that you changed is to let her go. If you love her let her go and be happy. Then remember what goes around comes around you will find a new love too. Maybe then what happened will be the best for the both of you. Good Luck

Answer 6

It is hard for some one to forgive the person who cheated on them. when the trust is gone so is the relationship. maybe you can go to some kind of counsling that could help you. and if she sees that you are really trying maybe she will change her mind. in the mean time let it be and work on getting better good luck.

Answer 7

go to therapy, and be at home all the time.... if you have no one to talk to its because you alienated the best friend you could ever had, and no one wants to talk to a cheater... so prove you've changed, tell her where you'll be and when, even if she doesnt want to hear it.... dont expect any response until you have actually shown her youve changed and this can take years .... good luck on the changing

Answer 8

Go to www.marriagetoday.org

Watch the shows, order the DVDs. You will learn alot.
Put God first in your life and your marriage. He will change you into the husband He wants you to be.

Answer 9

well .. after your trust is broken it is very hard to forget you can forgive but it never leaves. if you want her to believe you have changed then you should show her. actions are much stronger than words!!!

Answer 10

Since we don't know one another, this will be easy for both of us to talk to one another. I am a married man of 30+ years. My wife and I are very happily married and Both ARE Christians. I would suggest that you find a Non-denominational Church somewhere near your home and check it out closely. Make sure that they follow the BIBLE precisely as it is written with no man-made creeds to follow. They should be able to show you Book, Chapter, and Verse where everything in their service comes from. I would then begin a BIBLE STUDY with one or two of their members for you and your wife. Makwe sure that it is a convenient time every week for both of you to attend and put it in your scedules, write it on the refrigerator, talk about it every week, and go together. This could make your marriage strong again. She needs to see you as a leader in this study... One who does his reading and study each and every week. GOD can certainly make a difference if you allow HIM to.

To become a real Christian, we are told that we must HEAR the WORD in John 6:45, Jesus said, “It is written in the prophets, And they shall all be taught by God. Therefore everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to Me.” We are also told so in Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. We are told the we must BELIEVE in Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. We are also told so in Mark 16:16, Jesus said “He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.” and in John 5:24 "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life. We are told that we must REPENT (or turn from sin) in Luke 13:3 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish. Also in Acts 17:30 Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent. We are told to CONFESS CHRIST in Romans 10:9-10 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. We are also told in 1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. We are to be BAPTIZED according to Acts 2:38 Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” and Mark 16:16 He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. We are to CONTINUE to be FAITHFUL UNTIL DEATH according to Revelation 2:10c Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. We also know that Paul wrote in Romans 14:12 each of us shall give account of himself to God. It is important that we not ignore what is written, change what is written, or add to what is written in the New Testament which is our Christian Guide. Have a great day!
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